Folkie's Birthday
by Crystal Twilight
Summary: Part 1: A birthday Folkie will never forget... Part 2: Christmas, Vionestyle! Part 3: A Hyper Halloween Part 4: A Day in the Psycho Ward
1. Folkie's Special Day

Disclaimer: Don't own Esca!  
  
A/N: Please don't flame me cuz this is my first Esca humor fic, so if it really sucks, I just will delete it, so on with the fic... (And I know others have wrote Folkie b-day fics, but this is MY idea of how his party would be, MWAHAHA! * cough cough * Enjoy and R&R! ^_^  
  
Folkie's Birthday  
  
Chapter 1: Folkie's Big Day  
  
It was a dark, gloomy day, (Folkie liked them best...) Folken woke up, stretching, Naria and Eriya laid curled up in a corner on the other side of the room. Folken decided to let his kittys sleep, and stood up. He was wearing blue pajamas with little teddy bears on them and he quickly hid his brown teddy bear named Mr. Snuggles in a drawer. He twitched his eyebrows lovingly at his little stuffed friend and wandered over to his wardrobe, trying to decide what to wear. It was a hard decision. * Looks into a wardrobe with his one green suit in it and his cloak, no wonder he always takes it off before flying... * He dressed as the cat sisters stirred.  
"Good morning Lord Folken." They greeted him, purring in pleasure as he gave them that blink that he reserved only for them.  
  
"Hello you two..." He said placing a hand on each of their shoulders.  
"Would you care to join me for breakfast?"  
  
The catgirls purred happily as they seductively replied, "Oh course Folken-Sama, it will be our pleasure..."  
  
They were preparing to leave when Folken looked at his calendar and stepped back in fear. Shaking and becoming paler than usual, Purple Seventeenth moon. "No, oh god, no..." He muttered, as he quickly hastened to hide under his bed, he tripped over his cloak many a time trying to get there of course.  
  
"Lord Folken? What are you doing under here?" Eriya asked with concern and curiosity.  
  
"You saw the calendar, didn't you?" He said, in his expressionless voice.  
  
"Of course I did Folken-Sama, but what's so different about this day then any other day..."  
  
"Oh, I know!" Naria excitedly squealed.  
"Folkie-Sama! It's groundhog's day, isn't it?"  
  
Folken gave her a blank look having no idea what she was talking about.  
  
"Baka..." Eriya muttered.  
  
"Well, excuse me! What do you think it is sister?"  
  
"Well, umm... I don't know..."  
"Uh... are you getting your hair cut or something Master Folken?" Eriya asked, knowing how he felt about his untamed blue locks.  
  
The catgirls kept on guessing for several hours, each guess more ridiculous than the last, while Folkie snored loudly. Suddenly, the doors burst open and two Dragonslayers came in with banners that read: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOLKEN-SAMA!"...  
  
* To be continued *  
  
A/N: I know that wasn't my best, and don't think I don't like Folkie or the cat twins, because they're some of my fav characters, these are just my weird musings, not usually how they'd act, please, no flames, I'm writing this REALLY late, and no caffeine... Well R&R! I'll continue it tomorrow! Arigatou and Sionara! ^_^  



	2. Poor, Poor, Folkie

Disclaimer: Don't own Esca... enough said...  
  
A/N: I'm glad you guys like it! Thanks so much for the reviews, I really appreciate them, this fic will be probably 3-4 chapters long, but who knows, I sure don't! (And remember I like all the characters in this fic, I may not portray them as they might normally act, so don't flame me!) R&R! ^_^  
  
Chapter 2: Poor, Poor, Folkie...  
  
"Oh God, no..." Folken muttered as he saw the Dragonslayers enter his room.  
  
"Folken-Sama! You never told us it was your birthday!" Naria and Eriya said in unison.  
  
"Well... umm..." Folkie was at a loss for words, as he squeazed Mr. Snuggles for reassurance.  
  
"Come on Lord Folkie, it's time for your party!" Chesta said excitedly.  
  
"NOOO!" Folken screamed, grasping at the wooden floorboards as the Dragonslayers pulled him by the legs out of the room. His metal fingers snagged a floorboard and he sighs in relief. For a moment anway... The dragonslayers pulled so hard the floorboard came out of the floor and Folkie screamed and whined as he pounded the floor with his fists.  
"SAVE ME MY KITTYS!"  
  
The cat sisters purred as they watched him be dragged down the hall. They were hungry and went to get some kitty chow.  
  
Meanwhile in the throne room...  
Folken kicked his feet as Gatty and Chesta tied him to his chair and put a purple birthday hat on his head. Dilly walked in then with a black party hat on with little flames on it.  
"Hi Folkie!" He greeted his squirming commander.  
"Dilly! Call them off! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!" The Folkie begged.  
"And miss all this fun?" Dilly asked, laughing maniacally.  
Guimel and Viole wheeled in a cake and upon closer examination, Folkie saw that it was shaped like a purple teardrop. This somehow consoles Folkie. Suddenly, Migel walks in; holding a bound and gagged Van who is thrashing about wildly.  
It sounded like Van was screaming, "MPH MPH MPHHHHHHHH!"  
"What?" Folken asked in confusion.  
"MPH MPH MPH MPH MPH!"  
Folkie decided to let it lie at that, and settled on the more important subject of the cake. Migel tied Van to a chair next to Folken and undid his gag. Van glared at Folkie menacingly and Folkie blinked at him.  
"How'd he get here?" Folken asked Dilly. Dilly looked slightly nervous as he began to whistle a tune and strode to the opposite end of the table. Refina walked in with a Hitomi who was pounding on her back screaming, "LEMME GO! LEMME GO!" since she was slung over her shoulder, Refina rolled her eyes and tied her in the chair next to Van's.  
Van looked bewilderedly at his red party hat and Hitomi admired her green one. The Dragonslayers looked confused at what they were supposed to do next and kept running around bumping into eachother.  
Dilly got frustrated with this after a while and yelled, "SIT DOWN!!!!!!!!!"  
The Dragonslayers obeyed, but Dalet complained that the blue party hat was messing up his hair. Folkie, Van and Hitomi exchanged knowing looks about being brought to this party against their will. Dilly walked over to the cake and signaled the slayers who started singing:  
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR CYBORG FREAK! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!" Dilly brought his hand to his forehead, for the Dragonslayers knew how to fight but definitely not how to sing. Chesta put twenty-six candles on the cake and was about to light them when Dilly pushed him out of the way and pulled out his flame-thrower.  
"MOERO! BURN! BURN!" He screamed as he lit the cake on fire.  
Folkie stared, as what WAS his cake became a pile of ashes.  
"Oh well, that was fun!" Dilly commented.  
"On to presents!" Gatty squealed excitedly.  
Folkie let out a moan of despair at this remark and started banging his head on the table, which was very hard since he was still tied to his chair. His chair was turned around and the Dragonslayers started forcing gifts upon him.  
"OPEN MINE FIRST FOLKIE-SAMA!"  
"C'MON FOLKIE, MINE'S COOLER THAN HERS!"  
"OOH WHAT DID YOU GET HIM?"  
It was decided and Folkie found Migel's gift placed on his lap. He didn't know how he was supposed to open this gift, so he just sort of blinked and twitched his eyebrow in concern. Migel took the hint and unwrapped the gift for him. Folkie just stared at the gift in between numbness and disgust.  
It was a catgirl doll.  
"Why did you give me this?" He asked in monotone confusion.  
"Well, that stupid old bear of yours was getting on my nerves so I had it incinerated, and got you this instead!" Migel smiled as he squeezed the dolls paw. "I hate you all!" Came from its mouth.  
"MR. SNUGGLES!" Folkie cried out in alarm inching his way back to his room to save his fuzzy friend. Migel pulled him back and suddenly Naria and Eriya bounded into the room.  
"OPEN MY GIFT LORD FOLKEN, MINE'S BETTER!" Protested Naria.  
"NO IT ISN'T! MINE IS!" Eriya insisted.  
They handed him their packages at the same time and Chesta undid the wrapping for him. In his lap lay, a package lay a scratching post and a jingle ball.  
"Umm... Thanks girls... I guess..." He said.  
"We knew you'd like them Lord Folken!" Naria said proudly.  
"And if you don't, well..." Eriya commented.  
"WE'LL TAKE THEM!" They squealed excitedly.  
Folkie twitched his eyebrow in frustration and the catgirls took that as a "yes" and ran out of the room to play with their new toys...  
To be continued  
A/N: I know that was weak, I'm sorry, I'll probably redo it anyways, so bear with me here... Next and probably last chapter tomorrow or Tuesday. Ja ne! ^_^   



	3. Blink, Blink

Disclaimer: If I owned Esca... Oh what an "interesting" series it would be... but I don't... * sigh *  
  
A/N: We mourn the loss, of poor Mr. Snuggles, he was taken from us at such a young age, by Dilly's flame-thrower... How sad... Well, back to the fic... This chapter is dedicated to the memory of Mr. Snuggles...  
  
Chapter 3: Blink, Blink...  
  
Folkie blinked sadly, mourning the loss of his best friend... 'Oh Mr. Snuggles, I bearly knew ye...' He sighed noticing that he had misspelled barely, but oh well, he decided that bears were on his brains today... He twitched his eyebrow angrily at Migel. 'I will avenge, you, Mr. Snuggles...' He thought to himself.  
  
Chesta came up to him and handed him a brightly wrapped package with pink unicorn wrapping paper.  
'It figures...' Folkie said in disgust, pink being his absolute LEAST favorite color. He tore off the pink wrapping paper with his teeth. (A/N: What alternative did he have?) He was utterly confused by this particular gift. Inside the red tissue paper was a pair of black boxers with little flames embroidered on them. He batted his eye, in confusion and Chesta turned as red as the tissue paper.  
  
"Well... umm... oops... That's Lord Dilandau's gift..." Chesta said as he quickly ran away, clutching the boxers. Dilandau brought his head to his forehead, in a groan of frustration. Folkie would have liked to do the same, but of course, he was still tied to the stupid chair, so he bonked his head on the hard oak table over and over. Van and Hitomi were quite mixed up and unclear of what was going on by now, so they just stared in complete misunderstanding.  
  
Gatty decided that this was the time for his gift to be presented. He handed Folken a dictionary, unwrapped, just a plain old dictionary.  
"Thanks." Folken said, as he gazed at the book longingly, wishing he wasn't bound to this chair so he could read the darn thing from cover to cover... Gatty seemed to know that he had finally gotten Lord Folkie the right gift and took his place at the table again.  
  
Several hours, and several head bonks later, Folkie had quite an "assortment" of gifts: From catgirl dolls to oil for his arm joints. It had been quite a few hours and Folkie was falling asleep in his chair, Van and Hitomi had fallen asleep long ago. Dilly had given him a lighter for some reason, only Dilly's little twisted diabolical mind knew the answer to that one.  
  
Dalet squealed in excitement.  
"Time for 'Pin the feather on the Draconian!" He screamed jumping up and down.  
  
Folkie groaned, as if on cue as a Dragonslayer blindfolded Dilly. This was a traditional Gaean party game that the "simple" folk enjoyed playing. Dilly was spun around in circles, somehow his flame-thrower had been turned on and he singed all those around him.  
"Moero!" He screamed excitedly. He had drunk quite a lot of wine in honor of the festivities (not much, more than he usually drank on a day-to-day basis) and he felt quite odd.   
  
He kept spinning around and around even after the Dragonslayers had stopped him. 'I feel woozy...' He thought in a drunken stupor. As he wandered blindly about the room, a Dragonslayer shoved a feather into his hand that he was supposed to pin on the poster of Van, that was covered with tomatoes that had been thrown on it and Van had quite a few mustaches and such drawn all over him. He wildly ran about the room, dead cold. He ran over to the snoring Folkie and pinned the feather on his back where he thought the poster was. Folkie screamed in surprise and anguish as he ran about the room. (A/N: Might I add that the feather had been lit on fire as well. A touch of Dilly I suppose...) Folkie's cape soon caught on fire as he ran screaming around the room.  
  
"Ooh! Fire!" Dilly whispered in excitement, licking his lips clutching his flame-thrower. He seemed to have no idea what was going on. Folkie found a barrel full of water, (A/N: Wonder how that got there?) and jumped in, splashing water all over everything. The Dragonslayers muttered in distaste, complaining that their uniforms would shrink. Suddenly, when Folkie tried to move, he couldn't, his arm joints were rusted, he couldn't use his arm to help his get out of the barrel. He made a gurgling sound, waiting for somebody to help him out...  
  
"WATER!" Dilly cried out in alarm, moving himself as far away as possible from the H20...  
  
To be Continued  
  
A/N: I know that was short, last chapter coming up tomorrow... * Cackles evilly as she walks away *  
R&R! Thanks and Goodnight! ^_^  
~Trunks Gal~  



	4. Flames

Disclaimer: Don't own Dilly, Don't own the Dragonslayers, don't own Folkie, don't own Van, don't own Hitomi, don't own the catgirls... IT HURTS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! BUT I DO OWN THE INCINERATED MR. SNUGGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHA!  
  
A/N: Well, the disclaimer was weird, but then again, so is this whole fic... Well enjoy! This is PROBABLY the final chapter! Thank you for reading! R&R! ^_^  
  
Chapter 4: Flames...  
  
Folkie was getting mad, although he didn't show it... Everyone could tell because he was blinking quite rapidly in an angry manner. The dragonslayers watched in interest as their commander cowered, ready to torch the water should it come any closer. Master Folkie was sitting in the tub of water, waiting for somebody to assist him.  
  
"Hey Lord Folkie, those kitty toys were fun..." Naria began as she walked into the room. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the water.  
"AUGH! WATER! KITTIES HATE WATER!" She screamed, kneeling down next to Dilly in fear.  
  
"GET AWAY FROM ME KITTY PERSON!" The Dilly said hysterically, torching the catgirl.  
  
Naria's hair was on fire and she ran around the room squealing, she finally dunked her head in the water bucket Folkie was in, but then she started to scream, because her hair was wet... Dilly torched her hair, and Naria dunked, and started screaming again. Torch, dunk, scream, torch, dunk, scream... this went on for quite a while when Eriya came in and handed her sister a blowdryer. Folkie muttered incomprehensible curses. The Dragonslayers pulled and pulled and Folkie came out of the tub with a large, "PLOP!" His cape was wet and Folkie was mad that he'd have to waste the money on dry-cleaning. Dilly made the Dragonslayers throw out the water immediately, and he felt much better, stroking his Flame-thrower lovingly.   
"It's Ok Mr. Flame-thrower, the naughty water's all gone!" He reassured his flamey friend.   
He started stuffing the ashes of the cake down Van's throat as Folkie blinked still sitting on the floor. Folkie was mad because he hadn't gotten to eat his cake, he envied the now choking Van.  
  
Removing the pin from his back, he walked back to his room. He lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, eyeing the pile of unwanted gifts in the corner. He was about to take a nap when he heard a familiar voice... "I HATE YOUR GUTS!" And he screams at the return of the killer catgirl doll.  
  
A/N: OK, that was weird... Very crappy chapter, I'll probably redo it, and the ending was odd, maybe I'll write a continuation to this, I'll post it here, so keep an eye on this if interested... * laughs diabolically and runs away * R&R! Arigatou and Sionara! ^_^  
~Trunks Gal~  



	5. The Horror has just Begun

Disclaimer: I don't own Esca, or Meow Meow Mix, or anything in this fic...  
  
A/N: MWAHAHAHA! I'M BACK! MOERO! * cough cough * Thanks to everybody's nice reviews, I've decided to continue this fic a while longer, this is the sequel to Folkie's Birthday, but I'm just going to post it on this page, so live with it... Enjoy! R&R! ^_^  
  
Chapter 1: The Horror has just begun...  
  
Folkie screamed as the little button eyes of the Catgirl doll stared back at him. He reached over to the side of the bed where Mr. Snuggles usually lay, but alas, his snuggly friend was nothing more than a pile of ashes now, just like his cake...   
  
He hadn't squeezed her paw but she wouldn't shut up...  
"I hate you!"  
"You're a freak!"  
"Power to the inanimate objects! MWAHAHAHA!" She then began to start cussing at him, and Folkie slammed a pillow over the doll's face. Her curses were muffled and Folkie let out a blink of relief. He took off his party hat and lay on his bed looking up at the ceiling. When he was bored one day he and Mr. Snuggles had painted Mr. Snuggle's self portrait over his bed. He looked at the painting of the brown bundle of fluff and twitched his eyebrow in despair.  
  
He decided to TRY to make intelligent conversation with Naria and Eriya, but we know how hard that can be...  
"Nar..."  
  
"SHHHH! SHUT UP FOLKIE-SAMA! OUR SHOW IS COMING ON!" Eriya screamed as she turned back towards the TV. Folkie sighed in monotone frustration. Ever since Hitomi had come back to Gaea to stay... (A/N: She missed Van, who wouldn't?) She had introduced many odd things to their world, never making it the same again. One of these things had been TV; they got pretty decent reception if they used a big enough satellite. They had had to crush a small country to get a good picture, but oh well; no one would miss them. Folkie groaned seeing what they were watching...  
  
"MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW!" Naria and Eriya sung along with the catfood commercial.  
  
He thought he heard the catgirl doll let out a few muffled "MEOWS!" But slammed the pillow over it harder, hoping to drown it out.   
  
He walked out the door leaving the catfood obsessed kittys to their own devises. Dilly was sitting in the lab setting all the sorcerer's "important" documents on fire with the lighter he had given Folkie.  
"HA! MOERO!" Dilly screamed, burning up a file. Folkie saved a file labeled, "Mr. Snuggles," although we have no idea how a teddy bear got his own file.   
  
Dalet freaked Folkie and Dilly as he entered and screamed in excitement, "GUESS WHAT? IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE!" And started hopping up and down excitedly, no doubt hyper from all the sweets he had eaten and drunk from earlier.  
  
"Umm... Dalet... Reality check! It's February!" Dilly said, in a frustrated tone.  
  
"Nooo! It's Christmas Eve!" Dalet said in a slurred voice as the Dragonslayers ran in screeching out carols.  
  
To Be Continued  
  
A/N: This wasn't very funny, sorry, it was just weird... All will be explained, it WILL get better, sorry... R&R! BUT NO FLAMES! ^_^  
~Trunks Gal~  
  



	6. Sugar

Disclaimer: I don't own Esca or Herbal Essences, but I DO own Mr. Snuggles! Or whatever's left of him that is... MWAHAHAHAHA! * Begins to choke *  
  
A/N: Stupid parents cutting me short on time here... How am I ever gonna get anything accomplished in these fics if they are always booting me off the computer? * Sigh * Just added a chapter to "Wings of an Angel," so now I'm adding my chapter for the weekend to this, and it looks like I have about forty minutes, which SHOULD be enough time... Well here we go, R&R... AND THANKS FOR ALL THE NICE REVIEWS! ^_~  
  
Chapter 2: Sugar  
  
Dilly was once again reminded that the Dragonslayers were not known for their singing voices and covered his ears to drown out their screeching.  
"Shut up you bakas! You sound like a bunch of dying doppelgangers!" He screamed at them, being reminded of Zongi's death whines.  
  
"But Dilly, it's Christmas!" Gatty said, as he wobbled back and fourth. No doubt, he was also drunk.  
  
"NO IT ISN'T YOU IDIOTS!" Dilly continued to screech at them.  
  
"C'mon Dilly-Sama, get into the spirit!" Chesta remarked, draining a bottle of beer in a single gulp.  
  
"I will not get into the 'spirit' as you say, you fool... It's February, we've ruined another one of Folkie's birthdays, our work here is done!" Dilly insisted.  
  
None of the Dragonslayers seemed to be paying any attention to his reprimands however, because they were currently scratching out their Christmas lists.  
  
Guimel looked around thoughtfully and said, "I know what I DON'T need..." He remarked to them all.  
"Another sweater..." He muttered, eyeing his closet full of the fuzzy garments with little sheep all over them.  
  
Dalet was using the fancy writing her usually used on the many love letters he wrote every week:  
  
'Dear Santa Claus,  
  
I have no idea if you even exist, you bearded freak of nature, but even if you don't I know that you'll listen to a charming guy like me and grant my requests. This list would have been longer, but it seems that I am running out of parchment, having used most of it up on my declaration of love to Verona the other day. Man I love that woman... But that has nothing to do with my pleas...   
  
For starters, I'd like some Herbal Essence shampoo. That blonde haired monstrosity who calls himself a knight I must admit has quite nice looking hair on his head, even if there is nothing in his skull. I asked him about it in battle and he started singing the lyrics to the new Herbal Essence commercial he had recorded recently. I knocked him out to put everyone out of their misery... And to think that Lord Dilandau thinks WE have bad singing voices, ugh...   
  
I'd also like some flowers for Verona, we had a fight the other day and seeing that Lord Dilandau doesn't pay us for our services and I spent my last few bucks on Folkie-Sama's birthday gift (Pink bunny slippers, I knew he loved them by the way he twitched his eyebrow!) I'm running short on cash. Better make them blue, or she'll slam the door in my face before I have the chance to give them to her. And make sure all my gifts are non-flammable, Dilly-Sama tends to burn our packages before we can open them...  
  
Graciously yours,  
Dalet'  
  
Dalet smirked as he sealed the piece of parchment with some wax and went off to post it despite the fact that Dilly was ripping out his silver hair in frustration from his Dragonslayers stupidity.  
  
Folkie was just plain annoyed at this point wondering how he got stuck with these lunatics in the first place. He then remembered something and left the room, walking down to the dining room where the party had been held earlier. It figured. Van and Hitomi were still tied to their chairs, looking anxious for someone to untie them. Folkie blinked in dismay as Van shot him a glare.  
"You might as well stay and enjoy the festivities..." Folkie commented with a sigh, dragging their chairs into the room filled with the Yuletide minded Dragonslayers. They were now running about the room like they had all lost what little brains they had, strewing decorations.   
  
Refina was walking out the door when Viole smirked at her, noticing what she was standing under.  
"Hey Fina, babe, look up..." He commented, pointing above the blonde slayer's head.  
"Mistletoe, you know what that means..." He smiled puckering up.  
  
"Yeah, you're right Viole, I DO know what it means..." She said in a little I'm-too-happy voice.  
She went over to Folkie and grabbed Van and Hitomi out of their chairs, hurling them under the mistletoe.  
"Kiss you idiots!" She commanded them as they blushed profusely. Shyly they kissed and Refina looked pleased with herself while Viole looked slightly disappointed.  
  
"It's about time Fanel! You blundering idiot! We waited 26 episodes and you bakas finally kiss!" He smirked at Van. Dilly had not wanted to be left out of the fun, so he was profusely drunk as well.  
  
Gatty was busy trimming the Christmas tree, (that Dilandau had INSISTED be spray painted red and black) with little lights that looked liked flames and hanging candy canes on the branches.  
  
"CANDY CANES!" Dilly screamed, racing over to the Christmas tree and knocking Gatty off the stepladder he was standing on. He began to rip them off the tree, devouring them one by one while the slayers made their bets on how many he could eat before becoming sick or extremely hyper.  
  
About an hour later, Dilly had run out of candy canes and looked very grumpy indeed about being deprived of his sugar. The Dragonslayers continued decorating while Folkie looked on in frustration at his troops' stupidity...  
  
To be Continued  
  
A/N: Personally I thought this chapter was pretty good, but it's YOU, the readers' opinions that matter, so tell me what you think... More will probably be up tomorrow or Tuesday, so stay tuned! Arigatou! Ja ne!  
~Trunks Gal~  
  



	7. Santa Claus

Disclaimer: If I owned Esca, well... That's just a scary thought... It's probably lucky for all you guys I don't...  
  
A/N: MWAHAHAHAHA! MOERO! Nagi-Chan said the last chapter was good so I'll have faith in her nagiish judgement... This will probably be two chapters longer, I might split it up into two fics, but I'm so lazy I probably won't. R&R! Thanks! ^_^  
  
Chapter 3: Santa Claus  
  
"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!" Guimel squealed jumping up and down in excitement.  
"I WAS RIGHT DALET! HA! PAY UP!"  
  
Dalet grudgingly handed over the money he owed Guimel from the bet, grumbling that Dilly had just cost him big.  
  
"I AM THE FIRE FAIRY!" The hyper Dilly screamed, setting everything aflame as he danced around the room, Folken bonking his head on the nearby wall, his eyebrow twitching in frustration.  
  
The scorched Dragonslayers were starting to lose the affect of their earlier drinks and were becoming sober. They noticed Dilly dancing around setting all the decorations on fire and figured, 'Hey what the heck?' And guzzled some spiked eggnog once again becoming drunk.  
  
Just then, the kitties came in.  
"Oh look sister! A party! Can we join in?" Naria asked with puppydog eyes, begging Eriya.  
  
"I suppose." Eriya said in disgust. She changed her attitude and purred in pleasure seeing Folkie-Sama who was still bonking his head.  
"Lord Folken?" She asked in confusion, noticing a head-shaped dent in the stone.  
  
"What is it?" Folkie asked, continuing to bonk.  
  
"LET'S PAR-TAY!" Naria screamed, grabbing Gatty and beginning to do a sort of drunken dance.  
  
Eriya joined Folkie in his head bonking wondering, 'Why me? Oh why me?'  
  
Folkie stopped for a moment and said.  
"At least I'm not the only one who isn't drunk."  
  
"Too much catnip..." Eriya muttered in shame for her family as her sister boogied. Folkie resumed his bonking and Eriya wondered why she was the only sane person on this whole ship.  
"When you can't beat em, join em I guess..." She muttered, drinking the alcoholic nog and becoming as insane as her peers.  
  
"COME ON CHESSY! LET'S DANCE!" Eriya said in a drunken stupor as she and Chesta joined the other drunken couples.  
  
Van and Hitomi just sort of sat in silence, not knowing what to think about their kiss. They sat like this for the remainder of the day.  
  
The hours passed and Folkie now had quite a bruise on his head and the wall wasn't in very good shape either. The whole room had singe marks and the Dragonslayers and kitty girls were so tired they could barely move.  
  
A familiar face, literally, was seen in the doorway.  
"Folken I see it! I saw you causing yourself brain damage by your contact with that wall and your head!" Dornkirk proclaimed triumphantly.  
  
"IT'S SANTA CLAUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone in the room screamed in excitement, mobbing Dorny.  
  
"NO! NO! STOP IT YOU FOOLS! THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR OUR IDEAL FUTURE!" Dorny protested in his always-depressing voice.  
  
"WHO GIVES A DAMN?" Dilly asked, as the Dragonslayers tied him to a broken chair which would have collapsed under most people's weight but considering that basically all Dorny was was some bones and a beard, it somehow held him up.  
Dilly hopped up on his bony lap and the chair broke beneath them, sending them both falling on the floor.  
  
"HELP! FOLKEN! HELP! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO RESPECT YOUR ELDERS YOU LITTLE FREAKS!" The sprawling Emperor screamed for hope of assistance.  
  
"Sorry Dorny, I'm busy!" Folken replied. He was going for the record. 1,000,000 bonks, so far he was at 395,728, he had a loooooooooooong way to go.  
  
"Look Santa! I've been a GOOD little Pyro this year, so I expect a lot of loot!"  
"For starters, I'd like a new flame-thrower, and I'd like a paint job for my Alseides and my Oreades... I want Fanelia burned to the ground, and Freid and Asturia while you're at it... And I'd like some tiara polish, not to mention a year's supply of matches; us pyros can never have enough of those you know... And I'd like a new sword, Van's head on a platter, and hmm... What else?" He looked to his Dragonslayers for suggestions.  
  
"OOH! OOH! OOH! PICK ME DILLY! PICK ME!" Viole squealed, knocking the slayers around him over.  
  
"NO WAY! COME ON DILLY! WE ALL KNOW THAT I'M SMARTER!" Gatty screamed at the top of his lungs at his commander.  
  
"HEY! DON'T YOU WANT A GIRL'S OPINION ON THIS?!" Refina protested, smacking the boys on either side with her ponytail.  
  
"Shut up you morons..." Dilly muttered.  
He closed his eyes and pointed.  
  
Chesta squeaked.  
"Why me?" He muttered.  
  
"BECAUSE!" Dilly screamed in frustration as the other slayers pouted.  
  
"Because why?"  
  
"BECAUSE!"  
  
"Because why?"  
  
This continued for quite a while, the Dorny beginning to drool as he snored, when they decided it was 'Just because.'  
"How about a nice sweater?" Chesta suggested.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU, YA DUMB BLONDE?!" Dilly fumed in rage; even drunk he knew he didn't want a sweater.  
  
"It gets so chilly." Chesta murmured.  
  
"UGH! SCREW THE WHOLE 'SUGGESTION' THING!" He decided as Chesta was shoved back into the crowd.  
"Oh, I'd like some wine... Red whine, man I love that color... And I'd like Allen to become bald while he's flirting with some girls." Dilly decided.  
  
"Why don't you just wish for all of Gaea?" Dorny muttered.  
  
"Heck, that's not a bad idea! Maybe you should be one of my Dragonslayers!" Dilly commented.  
  
"I'M YOUR SUPERIOR FOOL! I CAN'T BE AT YOUR COMMAND!" Dorny screamed at him.  
  
"Touch-y!" Dilly defended himself.  
"I guess that wraps it up. But if I think of anything else, I'll let you know." Dilly hopped off his lap landing beside him.  
  
"Shall all this be giftwrapped, or should I send it to you via UPS?" Dorny asked sarcastically.  
  
"HEY! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO SHOW UP IN A SLED YOU IDIOT! DON'T YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO YOUR OWN JOB?"  
  
"I'M NOT SANTA!" Dorny protested.  
  
"Sure you are. You have the beard, although I do admit that you aren't a chubby old man who's always jolly." Dilly commented.  
  
"Never would have known." Dorny muttered.  
  
The Dragonslayers clamored to get on Dorny's lap but Dorny started cussing profusely, and the Dragonslayers decided that Santa was a big fake. Dorny decided to share with the slayers the truth about Santa and took out his book from Earth about the whole thing.  
  
"Now this is a reindeer..." He began pointing at a picture.  
Refina raised her hand.  
  
"What's a Rudolph?"  
  
"Idiot. Haven't you ever seen a reindeer before?"  
  
"No, what's a reindeer?" She asked in puzzlement.  
  
"HAVEN'T YOU HEARD THE SONG?" Dornkirk exclaimed.  
  
"No sir." She replied in confusion.  
  
"RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER, HAD A VERY SHINY NOSE!  
AND IF YOU EVER SAW IT! SAW IT! YOU WOULD EVEN SAY IT GLOWED!  
ALL OF THE OTHER REINDEER! REINDEER!" Dorny was really into it now, making hand gestures and dancing on the table.  
  
"What the hell's wrong with you?" Dilly asked.  
  
"Oh come on Dilly, this looks like fun!" Naria said, jumping up on the table and starting to dance.  
  
"God damn it, I'm surrounded." Dilly said as Dorny used his fingers as reindeer antlers.  
"How am I supposed to respect THAT?" He waved towards Dornkirk.  
  
"How am I supposed to command THAT?" Folkie asked looking at him and the Dragonslayers, although he was dizzy after 563,917 bonks.  
  
"Now you know how I feel." Dilly replied, looking at the slayers crowding around Dorny and Naria.  
  
To be Continued  
  
A/N: If I don't add more tomorrow, it will be Monday, so be patient, probably 1-2 more chaps to go! Hope you liked! Review! Arigatou! Ja ne! ^_^  
~Trunks Gal~  
  



	8. Of Plays and Nog

Disclaimer: If I owned Esca, life would be good, but I'll have to continue living in that fantasy world, cuz Esca's not mine...  
  
A/N: It's been a while. Sorry, homework non-stop now that school's back in session... Here's the next chapter, review when you're done, it motivates me to keep going, the more reviews, the more likely I'll add to this one the soonest... Enjoy! ^_^  
  
Chapter 8: Of Plays and Nog  
  
Dilly walked across the room to where Van and Hitomi had been sitting ever since Refina's matchmaking attempt.  
"Hey, you two look down, here have some nog!" Dilly said, thrusting two glasses at them.  
  
"I don't think I... mph..." Van's last part was cut off by the green eyed girl bringing the glass to his lips and forcing him to drink the noggy substance.  
  
"Don't be rude!" She hissed.  
"Especially at a pyro's party..." She added eyeing Dilly apprehensively.  
The couple quickly drained the glasses and felt rather funny. Dilly walked away, smirking in self-satisfaction.  
  
"What bonk did bonk you bonk do bonk now?" Folkie asked, fearing the answer.  
  
"I just gave 'em some eggnog..." Dilly replied in an angelic voice.  
  
"The spiked eggnog?" Folkie asked in frustration.  
  
"Could be." Dilly replied in an all-too-innocent tone.  
  
"Haven't you seen episode 7? Hitomis and alcohol DON'T mix."  
  
As if to verify his statement across the room they observed the antics of the raven-haired boy and the green-eyed girl.  
"I AM VAN FANEL, KING OF FANELIA, NOT TO MENTION AN ANGEL!" The young king proclaimed as his wings shot out.  
  
"OOOOH! AHHHHHHH!" Said the Dragonslayers in awe.  
  
"And I am Hitomi Kanzaki, the girl from the Mystic Moon, I see the past, present, and future. I predict your doom." She pointed at all the people in the room.  
  
"Well that's reassuring." Dalet whispered to Gatty standing next to him.  
  
"You will die." She continued.  
  
"Never would have known." Migel sarcastically replied.  
  
"LOOK VAN! I CAN FLY!" She screamed as she jumped out the nearby window.  
  
"Ooh, she'll feel that in the morning." Refina commented as Hitomi plummeted downward, Van was busy flying around crashing into the walls and didn't seem to notice her latest escapade.  
  
Folkie bonked his head very hard at this point.  
"Great Dilly, you screwed another romance."  
  
"Yeah, AREN'T I SPECIAL?" Dilly asked, grinning, pleased with the unhappiness this would cause his rival.  
  
"Sure. Whatever..." Folkie muttered between bonks.  
  
"Anway, why don't you come watch the Dragonslayers' interpretation of 'The Night before Christmas?' They've been soaking up Dorny Claus's babbling about that Mystic Moon holiday and decided to put on a show."  
  
"Sorry, I've got work to do! 234,596 bonks left to go!" Folkie said, picking up speed.  
  
"Well, while you're bamming the few brain cells you had to begin with, I'm going to watch the Dragonslayers make fools of themselves so I'll have an excuse to slap them." Dilly turned on his heel and walked off to where the Dragonslayers were setting up.  
  
Dilly sat in a folding chair next to Van who was still drunk and muttering, "Darn fools should be bowing at my feet, I'm a messenger of the heavens..." Dilly was very pissed by now, and with a punch in the head, Van was out and his babbling ceased.  
"That's better." Dilly said, leaning back in his chair.  
  
The curtain opened and the narrator came out, apparently they had chosen Eriya, since she seemed to have the highest mental capabilities.  
"Ahem..." Eriya cleared her throat before beginning.  
"The Night before Christmas."  
"'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the Vione,  
Dilly was screaming in an angry tone..."   
"... And we know that Vione and tone don't rhyme, but LIVE with it..."  
  
"This is going to be an interesting performance..." Dilly muttered.  
  
"With Refina in her curlers, and Vione in his cap,   
Dilly was drawing his hand back, ready to slap,  
When outside the Vione there rose such a clatter, Dilly screamed, "What the hell is the matter?"  
Sending Gatty out to see,  
For Dilly-Sama would not let this matter be.  
The kitty was sleeping not soon to awake,  
Dreaming of all the kitty treats she wanted to take.  
The rest of the Dragonslayers rose from their sleep with red eyes,  
They felt sick, they had just gorged themselves on dozens of Christmas pies.  
They looked out the window and Dalet dropped his flagon,  
For outside the window was a fearsome dragon.  
Followed by him were eight more,  
The Ryyugekitai didn't know what was in store.  
They drew a sleigh with a skinny old man,  
The guy looked like he had never once had a tan.  
He jumped out of the sleigh, no one knew why.  
He used his beard as a parachute as he floated down from the sky.  
He fell down the chimney coughing black smoke,  
No one dared to laugh, no one spoke.  
'What's wrong with you fools, have you nothing to say?'  
'Does the cat have your tongue on such an important day?!'  
'Hey! It wasn't me, this rudeness I detest!'  
Insisted the kitty that wasn't going to let the matter rest.  
'I hate you all, so I'll be quick...'  
'My name's Dorny Claus, though you won't remember, your heads being so thick!'  
He threw some junk into a sock,  
And the Dragonslayers began to mock.  
He gave them each a candy cane,  
And being quite warm out it began to rain.  
The Dragons roared they wanted some food.  
And Dorny Claus knew that with dragons you shouldn't be rude.  
So he ran out the door without so much as a bye,  
And he quickly soared into the sky.  
The Dragonslayers shouted insults from afar,  
'You're so broke you drive a sleigh, instead of a car!'  
And as the broken down sleigh flew out of sight,  
He yelled, 'I hated tonight!'"  
"The End. Thank you." Eriya bowed as the cost clumsily attempted to copy but still being drunk they kept crashing into each other and falling over. They had expected a round of applause for their brilliant performance, but that was not what they were going to receive.  
  
"Well, you're making this easy." Dilly said as he went down the row, slapping them all.  
  
"What did we do THIS time?" Migel asked in confusion.  
  
"Now I know what's up with Folkie and his bonking..."  
"WHY bonk ME?" He repeated this quite a few times until his tiara was slightly dented and he stopped.  
  
To be Continued  
  
A/N: Don't end, "'Twas the Night Before Christmas," although I barely used anything from it. And I don't know if I spelled Ryyugekitai right, so if I didn't tell me and I'll fix it, I wasn't sure... Hoped you liked it! Review! ^_^  
~Trunks Gal~  
  
  



	9. Tiara or Coronet?

Disclaimer: I don't own Esca, it would be a REALLY weird anime if I did, so be grateful that Bandai owns it and not me. But I yearn for my Van, and my Folkie, and my Dilly, and my slayers... (A few too many ands, but TOO bad, I've had enough grammar in language in 1 week to last me a life time...)  
  
A/N: I was VERY pleased to see the reviews I'm getting from this fic, I'm really happy you all like it, here's hoping I won't run out of my "odd" humor... Sorry those of you who like Hitomi out there, relax, I'm a big V/H romance nut, I can't kill her off as much as I'd like to... This chapter is dedicated to JoJo and nagi-chan and all the other nice people who reviewed, please continue to do so, or I'll just stop and you'll never know what happened on this weird Vione-style Christmas... MWAHAHAHA! Umm... * cough cough * Anways, just read and review, it's as simple as that... Thanks! ^_^  
  
Chapter 5: Tiara or Coronet?  
  
"Sir, what's with the bonking?" Gatty asked in confusion.  
  
"It's bonk helping bonk me bonk cope bonk with bonk putting bonk up bonk with bonk you!" bonk Dilly replied, his tiara was beginning to fall off and the red jewel had fallen out long ago.  
  
"OOH! THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN!" Guimel squealed, bonking his head against the wall like the pyro and the Strategos.  
  
"Baka see, Baka do..." Dalet muttered.  
  
Soon all the Dragonslayers except Dalet were copying their commander, holding bonking tournaments, Folkie looked quite angry (you couldn't tell except his eyebrow was twitching) that these idiots were stealing HIS way to fame and he bonked harder than ever, rattling the walls. Dornkirk and Van sat off to the side with Dalet, but you could tell THEY weren't having fun...  
  
"How can they DO that? It'll wreck their hair!" Starts combing his and flashing smiles into his pocket mirror.  
  
Van was beginning to become sober again and looked quite confused.  
"Where am I? Where's Hitomi?" He looked around the room, trying to spot the emerald-eyed girl.  
  
Between bonks Dilly replied, "She jumped out the window."  
  
"SHE WHAT?!" Van screamed in rage.  
  
"She... Jumped... Out... the... Window!" Dilly replied.  
"Man, I thought kings were supposed to be smart, are there any brains under that 'untamable' hair of yours?"  
  
"Hey, it's not my fault all those girls obsessed with me say that in their fics, I just go light on the hair-gel, that's all..." Van muttered in protest.  
"At least I don't have to wear a tiara!" He added, smirking.  
  
"It's NOT a tiara, it's a coronet!" Dilly proudly insisted, kissing his headpiece.  
  
"Sure, whatever Mr. Pyro..." Van rolled his eyes, although you couldn't tell because his eyes were closed, deep in thought.  
"Oh yeah, Hitomi..."  
"How long ago did she jump out the window?"  
  
"About an hour ago, after I um... what I mean to say, Gatty, gave you spiked drinks she jumped out the window, then I suffered watching these idiots version of a Christmas play and you were knocked out because you were pissing me off..."  
  
"Wonder if she's dead yet..." Van said, looking over the window.  
  
"Why don't YOU find out?" Dilly said, pushing him over the sill. (A/N: I DO love Van-Sama, the kawaii angel, I just couldn't resist, don't worry though, I won't let any harm come to Mr. Draconian Man...)  
  
The Dragonslayers leaned over the rail and said.  
"Yep, he's dead alright."  
"Yes siree."  
"Oh well, wanna go shoot some pool?"  
"I'm game." And they walked off, leaving a very frustrated Dilly behind.  
  
"Oh well, I'll have a happy holiday knowing my biggest rival has been wiped off the face of the planet!" Dilly smiled and went about the task of trying to fix the rather large dent in his "coronet." (A/N: Tiara...)  
"HEY! I HEARD THAT!" Dilly screamed up at the author. (A/N: Oops... ^_^;)  
  
About ten minutes later, the windows flew open and Dilly looked up, Folkie was tempted to pause to see what was going on, but he was at 876,395 bonks, he couldn't stop now. A winged figure stepped in, cradling a limp figure in its arms.  
  
"Ooh! Shiny!" Dilly said, eyeing the pearly white wings. Then he saw who it was, and the already ghost pale Pyro, he was always like that, turned as white as a sheet of paper. (A/N: Remember, Dilly doesn't know Van's a Draconian...)  
"OH NO! THE ANGEL OF A RAVEN-HAIRED FREAK IS HAUNTING ME! WHEN WILL THE TORMENT END?!" Dilly screamed, looking up to the sky for reassurance, none came so he continued to wail.  
"DON'T HURT ME WEIRD ANGEL DUDE!!! HERE! YOU CAN HAVE MY TIARA!" (A/N: * Gasp * He admitted it!!!)  
"JUST DON'T HURT ME!!!!!!!!! GATTY! CHESTA! DALET! GUIMEL! VIOLE! JA-JUKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" He shrieked in terror, forgetting that Jajuka was long since dead.  
"Wait, why am I calling for a dog, I sound like that stupid boy from 'Lassie!' I never did like that show..."  
  
The winged figure was TRYING to keep from laughing, but wasn't having much luck, he dropped Hitomi on the floor and she hit it HARD and squealed in pain.  
"WATCH IT VAN!" She yelled at him in rage.  
  
"Shut up." He muttered to her.  
"You'll blow my cover..."  
  
"Ah, gotcha!" Hitomi replied, giving him the thumbs up sign and giving him a dopey grin.  
  
"I AM A CURSED DRACONIAN ANGEL!" He said in a gloomy, shaky voice.  
'Always knew those voice acting lessons would pay off...'  
"AND I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL YOU REPAY YOUR CRIMES, DILANDAU ALBATOU!!!"  
  
"How do you know my name?" Dilly asked in awe.   
  
Van brought his hand to his forehead, and he said HE was dense, ugh...  
"HEED MY WARNING DILANDAU ALBATOU! HEED IT WELL!"  
  
"What god damn warning!!!" Dilly asked in confusion and anger.  
  
"HEED IT WELL!"  
  
"HOW CAN I HEED THE STUPID WARNING IF I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS?!"  
  
A puff of white smoke clouded the "angel" from Dilly's view and all three started coughing.  
  
"Sorry." Hitomi whispered to Van.  
"I thought that would make it more dramatic!" She beamed at him; they were all covered in white flour now, don't ask where she got it. (A/N: * sweatdrop *)  
  
The white cloud disappeared leaving behind only Van and Hitomi.  
"I'm cursed, aren't I?" Dilly asked in disgust.  
"The boy of a million red shirts and the green-eyed track-obsessed flirt always seem to survive for some reason unknown to me..."  
  
"Hey!" Van was insulted about the shirt thing although I don't rightfully know why.  
"I don't have a million, they come from... Folkie's bonks drown out Van's explanation  
  
(A/N: FOLKIE-SAMA! NOW WE'LL NEVER KNOW! * Frustrated sweatdrop *)  
  
"Ah, I always wondered where they were from..." Dilly mused, satisfied with Van's reply.  
  
"Well now you know, so lay off!" Van replied, grabbing Hitomi's hand as they walked away.  
  
It was midnight now, but the party was still going at full throttle.  
"Dorny-Claus won't come if we're not asleep!" Eriya squealed, she was finally getting into the spirit, besides the fact that she was hyper from eating way too many candy-canes.  
  
"HE WON'T?!" The Dragonslayers shrieked in unison in disbelief.  
  
"I thought EVERYONE knew that..." Dorny muttered.  
"Then again he might not show up if you slept for a week..."  
  
"C'mon, HURRY UP!" The sheep, formerly known as Guimel yelled at his comrades as he took charge of the situation.   
  
They dashed around the room hanging up stockings, (A/N: Blue and black, OF COURSE!), adjusting mistletoe, (Which Viole, STILL hadn't gotten Refina under...), and repairing burnt decorations, (Courtesy of Dilly...). They grabbed their leader who was walking around swaying from side to side, obviously he had ONCE AGAIN become drunk, no surprise.  
  
"Dilly-Sama, WE WON'T GET ANY LOOT IF YOU STAY AWAKE!" Naria screamed in protest at the drunk pyro.  
"I'll NEVER get that yarn-ball I wanted, or that scented kitty litter, or that catnip ball, y'know the one with the silver and gold spots!" She looked longingly puppy-dog eyes gleaming, even though she was a kitty.  
"Sorry Dilly, but presents come first!" And she knocked him out with a carefully placed bang on the ol' silver noggin.  
  
"That probably wasn't the best solution..." Chesta muttered, twitching nervously.  
  
"Well at least we'll get our presents!" Gatty said in happiness.  
"They're worth a few slaps I'm sure!" He smiled that gallant smile that made all the ladies swoon.  
  
"They better be after all the trouble we've gone through..." Viole muttered, running his fingers through his hair.  
  
"Well! Off to bed!" Gatty proclaimed leading the slayers away, Dilly and Dorny, both unconscious and both bound and gagged were shoved in a closet to be opened in the morning. They wanted Folken to go to bed, but he refused, only 39,482 bonks left, he wasn't going to give up now and was slamming his head against the wall in great vigor. Van and Hitomi had long since retired, exhausted from the last couple day's "events." The Dragonslayers dreaded the undoubted overhang for tomorrow but anxiously awaited the next day's excitement...  
  
A/N: Ok, I know that wasn't funny, I'm just setting the stage for the last chapter, it will end, I swear to god it will, k? Then I can write the sequel!!! ^_^; Don't flame me, I know that wasn't very good, I just needed to get this boring chapter out, I'll rewrite it later, I'll get the last chapter out by Saturday morning at the latest, cuz we get Friday off, Teacher's Institution! YAY FOR HOLIDAYS! YIPPY SKIPPY!  
  
Now this is where I need your help my readers, 3 questions:  
1) Which holiday should I do next? * Ponders as she grins evilly. * Groundhog's day? Valentine's Day? (Ooh, that one would be fun...) DILLY'S BIRTHDAY? St. Patrick's Day? Halloween? (Might end up doing that one since we're near that holiday) Whichever, I need YOUR votes on the reviews and I'll write the next story involving that holiday, I enjoy writing these, so don't be surprised if there are quite a few...  
2) Should I add the next story here, or create a new one? Which would you prefer, I could group them all here as one big continuation with a bunch of little stories, or I could create a new story for the next holiday or two, you decide, I know it doesn't matter much, but I'm too stupid to make the decision.  
3) Which two fics do you peeps want me to work on next? (Including this with all 4 of my current stories)  
A) Another V/H romance, but not my usual style  
B) (Dare I say it?) A Dilandau, Folkie, Cat sisters, and Dragonslayers fic?  
C) I should work on the sequel to Folkie's Birthday right away or you'll chop off my poor little blonde head...  
D) I should work on the sequel to "Wings of an Angel" (I'm about to finish it, this one is for the readers of that of course...)  
E) I should write a different Esca humor fic  
F) Upload one of the fics I've written, but to lazy to type up  
G) DBZ fic (Readers of 'All I Ever Wanted for this one...)  
H) Another V/H fic I have been brewing on, different too  
I) A different romance fic, you're too obsessed with writing V/H TG!  
J) Something else, I either forgot to mention or YOU'D like  
K) Surprise us!  
L) Write a fic you didn't mention that is brewing in your twisted little mind  
M) Stop writing you idiot, we hate all your fics! (Hope I don't get this one... ^_^;)  
  
Wow, that was a lot of choices... Sorry... Could you tell me your opinion though, YOUR thoughts REALLY do matter to me, despite what you might think, and I'm finishing up 1-3 fics at the moment, so I'll have to start on 1-2 more to keep me occupied... Oh uploading schedule, Folkie's Birthday: Sun.-Wed., All I Ever Wanted: Wed.-Thurs., Wings of an Angel Thurs.-Sunday, Angel of Dreams: Fri. Mon... PLEASE REVIEW with comments about the story (And yes, I've said it twice but I'll say it again, I KNOW THIS CHAPTER SUCKED!) and answers to one of the questions if ya have the time, it's MUCH appreciated. Man, I sound WAY too desperate... * sweatdrop * Thanks to the two of you who added this to your favs, and thanks for the 21 REVIEWS! YAY! Well Arigatou, see ya later! ^_^  
~Trunks Gal~  



	10. It's Over Already?

Disclaimer: If I owned Escaflowne, oh my god, life would be sweet! But no! BANDAI OWNS IT INSTEAD! And no matter how much I plead with them, I doubt they'll fork it over... So I'll sit here, waiting for the sequel to be finished, so I can watch Van, Hitomi, Folkie, Dilly, and all the others... * All goes dark * 

A/N: MWAHAHAHA! * The evil author lurks around, before entering, she begins to cackle, then she chokes... hack hack hack * Maybe I'm just not cut out for this evil stuff... Anyway, I know I'm cruel to leave you peeps hanging all the time, but man, school takes up more time than I thought... I spent 7 HOURS AT A BABY-SITTING CLASS ON SATURDAY!!! And that was coming from "Princess Mononoke" which I saw for the first time with one of my closest friends. I got back at 2:30 AM, then I woke at 7:30 to get ready to leave for the class!!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BORING AND THERE WAS NOBODY I KNEW!!! WHAT A WASTE OF A PERFECTLY GOOD SATURDAY!!! That's the reason I didn't get a lot up last weekend. At the moment I have 3 projects in PLS, 1 project in Science, 1 project in social studies, my math teacher is ever cruel giving us more homework than I thought humanly possible, I had 2 tests in French, We had 2 quizzes within a week of each other in PE (Otherwise known as Physical Torture), and that's just half of it. I also have gymnastics, Tennis, Drama, Literary magazine, school newspaper, monthly dances, and social stuff to deal with. So, if I'm a little slow getting the sequel up, PLEASE try to understand. And I'm having a tough time with my darn computer that is screwed. UGH! * Throws a shoe at the computer which `BLEEPS' loudly * SHUT UP, YOU'RE THE SOURCE OF HALF OF MY PROBS!!! OK, this is sad, I'm yelling at my computer... I've also decided to do a Halloween one next although I'm not yet sure of the title, stay tuned for details... Enjoy and review when you're done! Later! ^_~ 

Chapter 6: It's Over Already? 

"IT'S MORNING! IT'S MORNING! WAKE UP! IT'S MORNING!" Guimel shrieked in a loud obnoxious voice. 

"I thought we were supposed to be woken up by a rooster, not a sheep." Viole commented. 

"WAKE UP!" Guimel screamed in Viole's ear at that particular moment. 

Guimel was immediately pelted by 14 rather hard pillows and was knocked unconscious. 

"Should we bring him or not?" Gatty asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 

"I say we put him out to pasture." One of the more violent Dragonslayers muttered, as he rolled off his bed onto the floor. 

"Oh relax. Look it's only..." Chesta glanced at the clock. 

"3 AM." 

"Oh great, I feel SO much better now." Dalet muttered. 

"Well, might as well go get the commander and Dorny-Claus out of the closet." Gatty said in a perky energetic voice, hopping out of bed. 

The Dragonslayer seemed quite puzzled until they noticed the 20 Hershey Bar wrappers, and the five empty Styrofoam coffee cups. 

"It figures. If he's not drunk he's high on caffeine." One of the Dragonslayers noted, as Gatty bounced around the room in hyperness. 

"COME ON! THE PIXIES WILL SHOW US THE WAY!" Gatty shrieked as he leaped out the door brandishing what looked like a sword disguised as a wand. 

"Was he wearing a tutu?" Chesta asked in bewilderment. 

"Yep." Everyone voiced in agreement. 

"Oh boy, we're gonna have a tough time explaining THIS to the commander." Chesta called over his shoulder, sprinting down the hallway. 

The others shortly followed, but collided with the kitties as they emerged from a room. 

"A MAGICAL PIXIE SPOKE TO US AND TOLD US, `I scream therefore I melon!'" Naria squealed. 

The Dragonslayers were at this point completely freaked out since they were sober. 

"WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU IDIOTS TODAY?!" Refina screamed. 

"AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO HASN'T COMPLETELY LOST IT?!" 

"Lost what?" The ever naïve Chesta asked. 

"Man. How'd I end up here in the first place, I'm too smart and beautiful and talented and did I mention beautiful to be stuck with you bakas." 

"Hey! I take offense!" Dalet outbursted. 

"I'm not sure why though." He quickly resumed brushing his hair for the 100^th time that morning and the Dragonslayers all sweatdropped. 

"You're turning into a regular Allen." Dalet murmured in disgust. 

"Why don't we go free Dilandau-Sama and Folkie then?" Chesta tried to stop the ever-growing stupidity, buy it was WAY too late for that. 

"AND THEN THE PIXIE TOLD US, `Kitties will rule this world!'" 

"Shut up." Eriya hissed, scratching her sister with her claws. 

"You aren't supposed to talk about that!!!" 

"Oops! Sorry." Naria replied, her embarrassment overtaking her momentary stupidity. 

"What she means to say is, "Sugar be fire!" Eriya states somewhat nervously. 

"OK then." The Dragonslayers replied in sympathy for their mentally disabled friends. 

"DID SOMEONE SAY `FIRE?!'" Dilly screamed as he leaped into the room, licking his lips and clutching his flame-thrower. 

"Sir, how did you get out of the closet?" Viole asked in confusion. 

"I... Well I... Hey, how did I get out of the closet?" * Looks up at author for answer * 

(A/N: How the heck would I know?!) 

"You're the one who wrote it moron!" 

(A/N: Oh yeah... ^_^; Umm... I dunno, we'll say... Oh, I don't know! VIOLE! STOP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS OR I'LL PAIR UP REFINA AND GATTY!) 

"No way, I don't want to be girlfriend of the ever elusive pixie boy!" Refina shrieked in protest. 

"NOOOOOOOO! BE MERCIFUL WEIRD AUTHOR PERSON!" Viole screamed in protest. 

(A/N: MWAHAHA! I HAVE THE POWER!!! I CONTROL FATE!!! HECK, I CAN DO IT AND DORNY CAN'T! HEH HEH HEH HEH!!! * Uses a charm she learned from who knows where to erase Viole's memory just for the heck of it. *) 

"Where am I? Who are you? Who am I?" Viole pondered these troubling questions aloud when Gatty bounded in. 

"I AM A MAGICAL FOREST PIXIE! BOW BEFORE MY FEET PUNY MORTALS!!!" 

"Oh, I'm a pixie." Viole reasoned. 

"This seems a bit odd, but hey, he looks like he's having fun..." 

"I AM THE PIXIE OF FLUFFY PINK DRAGONS!!! KNEEL AT MY FEET IN REVERANCE!" He shrieked at all around him, leaping around the room. 

"Fluffy pink dragons?!" Everybody asked in puzzlement. 

Refina sweatdropped. 

"Why don't we go see what Dorny-Claus brought us?" Refina asked, shepherding the sane and insane Vione peeps. 

"I feel like we're forgetting something." Dalet commented as the progressed towards the room for last night's festivities. 

"LET ME OUT OF THIS CLOSET! IT IS I DORNKIRK, HE WHO PLANS TO CONTROL FATE! RELEASE ME NOW OR YOU'LL SUFFER MY WRATH!!!" An all too familiar voice echoed through the halls. 

"What wrath?" Dilly cackled in amusement. 

"You're an anorexic wrinkled naked guy with a beard. Ooh! I'm trembling!" 

"LET ME OUT OF THIS CLOSET RIGHT NOW YOU LITTLE DEMON OR I'LL TELL THEM!" 

"Tell us what?" Viole asked in interest, regaining his common sense. 

"ABOUT HIS `HELLO KITTY' OBSESSION!" Dorny replied screaming his lungs out. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY SECRET REVEALED!" Dilly began to panic. 

"HA! YOU LIKE THAT LITTLE WHITE KITTY?!" Chesta losing his more compassionate side began to roll around on the ground in laughter. 

"Of course I don't. Why would a pyro watch a cartoon about a cat?" Dilandau tried to cover up. 

"Then why'd we find THESE in your room?" Eriya asked, dumping a pile of "Hello Kitty" videos on the floor. 

"Oh those? Those, are my sister's!" 

"You don't HAVE a sister Dilly." 

"But this is great, now we have someone to talk about the show with, we'll loan each other videos, and chat about them, and draw fanart! OOH! I'M SOOOOO EXCITED!!!" Naria squeaked as she jumped up and down. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Dilly tore down the hall. 

"Wow. He's faster than that Hitomi girl." 

"HEY! NO ONE IS FASTER THAN HITOMI!" Van defended his almost-girlfriend as they emerged from a room. 

"Wanna bet? Look at Dilly!" Eriya proclaimed, smiling smugly as the pyro rushed by in a flash of red. 

"Wow." Was all Hitomi could say as his speed spinned her around, making her dizzy so she went unconscious. Luckily for her, the ever-faithful Draconian King caught her before she busted her head open. 

"Oh Van, you're so dreamy." She smiled up at him as he dropped her, to cover his crimson cheeks. 

"OW! WHAT IS IT WITH YOU DROPPING ME? I'M GOING BACK TO ALLEN! AT LEAST HE CAN CARRY ME FOR ONE SECOND WITHOUT ME FALLING TO THE GROUND!!!" She huffed and sprinted off. 

"Did I hear someone call my name?" Asked the extremely dense blonde as he walked in, brushing his hair rhythmically. 

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE?!" The Dragonslayers screamed. 

"The guymelef hanger was open." Allen replied, unknotting a tangle. 

"Oh." Everyone sweatdropped once again. 

"Man, we keep forgetting what we're SUPPOSED to be doing here." Viole said. 

"Christmas Tree, onward, hoooooooooo!" 

He FINALLY led them to the tree where their hopes plummeted. In place of the beautiful red Christmas tree from last night was a pile of ashes. 

"DILLY-SAMA! YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS!!!" Naria screamed as she hissed, scratching Dilly until he was in complete disarray. 

"Hey, a little help down here." Dilly asked his slayers, as he lay on the floor, nearly unconscious. 

"Sorry Dilly, but you wrecked Christmas, no presents for you!" Eriya told the grudging Dilly. 

"ALL I WANTED WAS THE CANDY-CANES!" He shrieked in helplessness. 

"Master Dilandau, you know of course we had a whole box sitting on the table." Chesta stated awkwardly. 

"UGH! NOW YOU TELL ME!!!" Dilly screamed in rage. 

"Well, might as well open what's LEFT of our presents, Dalet murmured dejectedly. 

"Hey, looks like Santa DID listen to my humble request." He walked over to a small pile of presents in flame-proof wrapping labeled, `Slayer Dalet.' 

"Ah Dalet, you ruin all my fun!" Dilly whined, pained that there were presents he COULDN'T burn. 

Dalet unwrapped a package. 

"BOOYAH! HERBAL ESSENCES!!!" He screamed joyously, examining the shampoo and conditioner the package contained. 

"Why, in god's name did you ask for shampoo and conditioner, FOR CHRISTMAS?!" Viole shrieked at his comrade's vanity. 

"What can I say? Ladies love it when your hair smells good." 

"Oh look, another package." Quickly unwrapping it, he was horrified to see that it was a bouquet of red roses. 

"RED?! I SPECIFICALLY TOLD THAT OLD GEEZER THAT VERONA WON'T ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS THAN BLUE!!! CHRISTMAS! BAH HUMBUG! WHAT A WASTE OF PARCHMENT!" Dalet stormed off, leaving his hair cleaning supplies behind. 

"Hey, I can always use spares." Allen declared, grabbing the left-behind gifts and stashing them in his pouch. 

"OK then... My turn I guess..." Chesta said in his usual meek tone. 

CAREFULLY, he unwrapped the package, not ripping the paper, and after 10 minutes, he folded it, putting it aside. 

"How wonderful." 

"Just what I need." He admired, `Chicken Soup for the Meek' and a blue and black teddy bear. 

"Mr. Snuggles..." Folkie muttered sadly from across the room. Suddenly, a bonk resounded throughout the room and then, everything was silent. 

"I DID IT! I DID I! I BONKED 1,000,000 TIMES IN A ROW! GO ME!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!" Folkie then passed out, so you might have guessed. 

"I'll gladly take Folkie's gifts considering I'm his second in command." Dilly claimed the rather large pile as Van walked in looking quite forlorn. 

"Hey Van. Wazup?" Allen asked, running a comb through his hair ONCE AGAIN. 

"You just wrecked my life. I'll kill you." Van muttered, passing the blonde without a second glance. 

"Alright then. That wasn't the most pleasant greeting I've ever received..." Allen muttered, looking a tad bit nervous. 

"Oh Van!" Hitomi shrieked as she leaped out of nowhere onto the raven-haired boy. 

"Where did YOU come from all of a sudden?" Van asked in bewilderment. 

"Allen's a total bore, all he did was talk about his split ends. I've decided to return to your arms." She then hugged him. 

"Ahhh." The Dragonslayers sighed in unison. 

"How cute!" Refina said as she watched the somewhat-sweet display. 

"Hey baby, do you want a piece of the action?" Viole asked seductively, stretching his arms out for a hug. 

"No thanks." Refina replied, pushing the purple-headed boy over. 

"Man, I never get any breaks." Viole muttered in disgust as he toppled to the floor. 

"Oh Van, why would I settle for a knight when I could have a kawaii king?" 

"MAN WOMAN! I'M GONNA EXPLOAD FROM BLUSHING IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP!" Van screamed at her. 

"Well I never!" Hitomi huffed as she walked off. 

"Smooth man, real smooth." Dalet commented. 

"DALET LAREGINO! WHERE ARE YOU?!" A high-pitched voice echoed throughout the Vione. 

"Oh man, it's Verona, I'm dead." He muttered. 

"Chesta! HIDE ME!" He ducked behind the gentle blonde who looked quite confused. 

"Dalet, she's your girlfriend for Heaven's sake! How bad can she be?" 

A growl erupted from the doorway as Verona burst in. 

"DALET LAREGINO! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" She screamed at him. 

"Ok, I take that back." Chesta murmured. 

"YOU WROTE ME 4 STINKIN' LETTERS! YOU NEVER CALL, YOU NEVER SEND ME TELAGRAMS OR ANYTHING! THE LAST TIME I GOT A GIFT FROM YOU WAS TWO YEARS AGO!" 

"So I've been a little short on cash lately... Is that any reason to kill me?" Dalet asked. 

"IT SURE IS BOY!" She said, pouncing on him. 

"AUGH! HELP!" He screamed, clutching for the nearest thing, it happened to be Naria's tail. 

"HEY! WATCH IT BAKA!" She hissed at him scratching him across the face. 

The rest of the Vione members decided to ignore the glomping of Dalet by his psycho girlfriend and went back to gifts. 

"It figures doesn't it?" Guimel asked in pained annoyance. At his side was a fuzzy pink sweater, a sheep clock that baahed on the hour, a cuddly stuffed animal sheep, and a card that had a sheep saying, `HAPPY BAHLIDAYS!' on the front. 

"I'M HERE! I'M HERE!" A familiar boy screamed as he ran through the room. 

"Who are you?" Viole asked. 

"IT'S ME! MIGEL!" The frustrated boy shouted at the still-heartbroken slayer. 

"Oh yeah, Migel. We wondered where you went." 

"Well, I spent all yesterday on Folkie-Sama's gift, but I finally finished it!!!" 

"Sorry to tell you Migel, but Folkie's `out' at the moment." 

"Where'd he go?" Viole pointed at the ground where Folkie lay with spiral eyes. 

"Ah. I'll put it in his room for later." Migel walked off and returned looking quite pleased with himself. 

"SPRINKLING! SPRINKLING! SPRINKLING MAGIC DUST!" Gatty shrieked as he bounded through the room, pelting them with red and green sand. 

"What the hell's wrong with him?" Migel asked in confusion. 

"Our friend Gatty had a bit too much caffeine." 

"Ah, shall I knock him out, or will you do the honors?" 

"You've been deprived, it's your turn." Migel socked Gatty in the face, temporarily knocking the Pixie out. 

"Oh look Migel, it's a package for you." 

"Hey cool, I never get any presents." Migel eagerly looked at the label. 

"TO: MIGEL, FROM: ZONGI?! GOD DAMN THAT DOPPLEGANGER! WHAT'S HE TRYING TO PULL?!" 

"Hey wait... How the heck are you here? I thought he killed you." 

"Why is Dilly not Selena? Why are Folkie, Naria, Eriya, and all the rest of you not dead? What in God's name is that Mystic Moon ditz still doing here?" 

"Ask the author, only she knows." Viole replied, looking up at her. 

(A/N: Well... EVERYBODY COOL EXCEPT VAN-SAMA DIED!!! I COULDN'T JUST LEAVE YOU ALL DEAD AND STUPID HITOMI COULDN'T LEAVE VAN AGAIN!!! -_-;) 

"Well, we know where she stands. Another over-obsessed Van fangirl." Migel commented. 

"How come there aren't any Viole fangirls?" Viole asked dejectedly. 

"Because #1, we see ONE GLIMPSE of you through the entire series, and #2: Half of the girls out there think YOU'RE a GIRL." 

"I'M NOT A GIRL!!!" Viole screamed in defiance. 

"And just WHAT is wrong with girls?!" Naria, Eriya, Hitomi, Verona, and Refina swooped down on him. 

"Nothing... uh... GIRL POWER!" Viole stuttered nervously. The girls simply nodded going back to their tasks at hand. 

"Traitor." Dalet muttered as he was once again attacked. 

Migel opened his package to find a neck brace. 

"Just what I needed." Migel murmured in thanks, clasping it around his still sore neck. 

Dilly ran in just then. 

"WHAT ABOUT MY PRESENTS?!" He whimpered with puppy-dog eyes. 

"Well gee, I didn't get him anything, did you guys?" Migel asked, looking at his comrades who all shook their heads `no.' 

"NONE OF YOU GOT ME ANYTHING?!" Dilly howled in disbelief. 

"I guess not." 

"Wait..." Folkie gasped, regaining consciousness. 

"Here." He handed Dilly a lumpy package before passing out again. 

"Ooh, what do we have here?" Dilly asked excitedly, ripping open the package greedily. 

"MWAHAHA! MOERO! FINALLY! ALCOHOL! HAHAHA!" He clutched the red wine protectively. 

"And it's my favorite color too." 

"Oh and what's this?" He found at the bottom a limp catgirl doll that seemed to be sending him death stares. 

"Hey, isn't THIS a Glaring Glory? HAHAHA! THESE ARE SELLING ON EBAY FOR THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS! I'M GONNA BE RICH! MOEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THANKS FOLKIE-SAMA!" Dilly dashed off, squeezing the doll until she near about choked in his gloved hand and forgetting his duties of claiming Folkie's presents. 

"Well, since we ALL know that Folkie likes ME best, I'll do the honors of accepting his gifts for him now that our commander seems preoccupied." Guimel declared. "Let's see now... Makeup, earrings, some more makeup, more earrings, a black cloak, Ultra-Long-Lasting Blue hair dye, and a year's supply of hair-gel." 

"Why doesn't Folkie get anything GOOD?" Guimel asked dejectedly. 

"He can HAVE it." He walked away, carrying his unwanted gifts from earlier. 

"Oh Viole this jewelry is beautiful, it must have cost you a fortune." Refina commented, giving her would-be boyfriend a friendly hug. 

"Actually I got it dirt cheap from the market in Ast- MPH!" A hand went over his mouth, preventing him from finishing. 

"Rule #1 boy, NEVER tell the girl you like that you got her a cheap present. You're supposed to say, `I scrimped and saved for years to afford it!'" Van hissed in the less-experienced boy's ear. 

"I scrimped and saved for YEARS to afford it!" Viole declared proudly. 

"Oh, aren't you sweeeeeeeet." Refina said, pinching his cheek before walking away. 

"HEY! HOLD UP! WHY DIDN'T I GET ANY PRESENTS?!" Viole asked in confusion as he looked around the room. 

"Oh yeah, I think I burned all yours." Dilly recollected as he peered around the doorway to his room. 

"YOU WHAT?" 

"UGH!" 

"It's OK Viole, I'll make it ALL better." Refina whispered sweetly as she gave him a kiss. 

"Merry Christmas." 

"Does this mean you'll be my girlfriend?" Viole asked hopefully. 

"Uh... NO." Refina replied, her blonde ponytail swishing as she headed out of the room. 

"Ahh..." Viole kicked at the ground in frustration, so close, and yet, so far. 

"Well, that's progress." Chesta said, reassuring his friend. 

"I guess." Viole muttered. 

"Later." 

"Now for Gatty the Pixie's gifts." Migel said gleefully, rubbing his hands together. 

"Oh GOODY. A new sword and a new uniform. And WOW! A novel too! `PRIDE AND PREJUDICE!'" Migel exclaimed sarcastically. 

"Oh Vvvvvvvvvaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!! What did you get for ME sweetie?" Hitomi asked the flustered raven-haired boy. 

"Here." Van said, handing her a feather. 

"A FEATHER?! WHAT'S WITH THE FEATHER? Don't I mean MORE than that to you?" Hitomi cried out angrily. 

"Hey, all my cash is back in Fanelia, why do you think I had Dryden pay the bill in that one episode?" 

"I always wondered why you were a king and broke. I GUESS I'll forgive you this ONCE. But NEXT time, I'll leave you for Allen again!" 

`Why do I put up with her?' Van silently wondered to himself. 

"Here's my gift to you Van." She held out a pen. 

"AND YOU SAID MY GIFT WAS PATHETIC!" 

"Hey, it's an OFFICIAL `The Vision of Escaflowne' pen!" Hitomi replied, nodding, smiling smugly. 

"Ugh." Van grunted in dismay. 

"I WANT A GIFT TOO!" Allen whined. "Here. From ME to YOU!" Van hit him in the jaw, causing him to fall over backwards. 

"OH ALLEN! VAN, HOW COULD YOU?! BOO HOO HOO HOO!" Hitomi ran sobbing from the room. 

"I'm OK now." Allen replied, getting up. 

"NOW YOU AREN'T!" And once again Allen was down, HOPEFULLY for a longer time. 

The kitties found their stockings stuffed with catnip, rubber mousies, yarn-balls, and kitty treats, and were very pleased. 

"Hey, how `bout a kiss Verona, it IS Christmas after all." Dalet asked smoothly, closing his eyes and puckering up. 

"I think NOT buddy-boy." Verona whispered under her breath as she propelled Hitomi forward into kissing the coffee-headed slayer. 

"Wow Verona, you're a good kisser." Dalet murmured. 

"UGH! GET HIM OFF ME!" Hitomi squealed as she fled ONCE AGAIN from the room. 

"That didn't turn out well." Verona commented. 

"If you had JUST kissed me in the first place, that whole thing wouldn't have happened." Dalet interjected. 

Dornkirk moaned, "How come I, Lord Dornkirk, emperor of Zaibach received NO gifts." 

"Because nobody likes you." Naria stated simply, going back to her rubber mousie. 

"Oh." It finally hit the fate-obsessed idiot just then. 

"Weeeeellllllllllllll, Mmmmmmmmwerrrrrrrrrrrrry Chhhhhhhhhwistmas evewybodyyyyyyy!" The once-again drunk Van screamed loudly. 

"MWEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY CCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHRISTMAS!" They all slurred, collapsing on the floor in exhaustion. 

"Hey wait, Gatty, are you wearing a tutu?" Dilly asked in confusion before falling over as well. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

"It's over. Thank god." Folkie muttered as he stumbled upstairs to his room, falling in a chair he let out a surprised yelp as he felt sharp claws sink into his behind. 

"HI, MY NAME IS GLARING GLORY!!! LUCKY YOU! YOU NOW OWN ME AND MY WHOLE FAMILY! TERRORIZING TOM, CUSSING CHRISTY, MALICIOUS MARK, AND RETARDED RACHEL!" 

"MASHED POTATOES!" Rachel the catgirl doll screamed. 

"GOD DAMN YOU!" Christy began her duty as the family cusser. 

"WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Folkie screamed. 

"WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" 

The End 

(Or is it?) 

A/N: As you might have guessed, this ISN'T the end. A Halloween one will be added in a couple days or so. Hope you liked, reviews wanted, but PLEASE, NO FLAMES!!! Thanks for reading, keep an eye out for more soon in the never-ending torture of Folkie-sama! Later! Thanks! Ja ne! ^_^ 

~Trunks Gal~ 


	11. Evil Dolls, Singing Vegetables, and High...

Disclaimer:  
  
Author: Golly gee, I wish I owned Esca!  
  
Hitomi: If you wish hard enough, your wish will come true!  
  
Author: Might as well give it a try. * WISHES * AUGH! IT'S NOT WORKING!!!  
  
Hitomi: Is my pendant defective? * Shakes pendant *  
  
Author: Great Hitomi, you're no help!!!  
  
Hitomi: VAN! SHE HURT MY FEELINGS!  
  
Author: Oh shut up ya ditz. Anyway, I don't own Esca, only original characters, Bandai owns all the awesome characters I want!  
  
(Oh yeah, I don't own any other shows/products/sites mentioned in this fic! (Ex: Veggie Tales, Ebay, etc.)  
  
A/N: It's been awhile, ne? Here is the first chapter to the next one, heck I know it's November and I am completely out of date for Halloween, but since I already did Christmas, I can do Thanksgiving in December if I feel like it. I'm so sorry, I've had so much work to do this month I just haven't had much spare time. I keep starting new fics, and as soon as I upload this I'm typing up some fics that won't leave me alone, check 'em out, they might be pretty good... I also need to work on: Revising "Wings of an Angel", "Winged Destinies," "Forbidden Love," and "Angel of Dreams." Man, it's a lot to do all at the same time although I know that's nothing compared to many other author's agendas. I hope you peeps are enjoying these fics as much as I enjoy writing them! Please review when you're done, I love suggestions and comments, but NO FLAMES! If I don't get any reviews well. Say bye-bye to fic. MWAHAHAHA!  
  
A Hyper Halloween  
  
Chapter 1: Evil Dolls, Singing Vegetables, and High Pixies.  
  
"Why do I suffer so? I'm a cool guy! I dye and spike my hair, I have the coolest robe thingy in this entire series, and I have a million over- obsessed fangirls! So what's the deal? Why isn't Pyro-boy feeling the pain?"  
  
"You suck man!" Malicious Matt commented dryly.  
  
"I don't exactly LOVE you, either." Folkie muttered.  
  
"Ooh look! If I buy the 'Glaring Glory' Cosmetics Set, her value will shoot up another $100!" Dilly announced as he licked his lips thinking of all the wine, flame-throwers, matches, and other must-have pyro items he could buy with this much money.  
  
"MWAHAHAHA! MOERO!!!!!!!!!!!" Dilly accidentally flipped the 'on' switch on his flame-thrower and the computer was set aflame.  
  
"Ooh. Dell flambé!" He watched in interest for a moment, then realizing that this was his thousands of dollars burning up.  
  
"AUGH! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!" Dilly desperately tried to stamp out the flames, not being able to use water since he has severe hydrophobia, as we learned at Folkie's birthday.  
  
"SHUT UP PYRO!" The kitties screamed at Dilly he was interrupting their show.  
  
"VEGGIE TALES!!! VEGGIE TALES!!! VEGG-IE TALE-S!!!" A chubby red blob screeched.  
  
Folkie came in with a 'Just leave me alone' expression.  
  
"What in God's name are you listening to?" Folkie yelled over the noise, plugging his ears.  
  
"VEGGIE TALES!" Naria shrieked as they began to dance wildly.  
  
"When will it end?" Folkie muttered as he ran from the room, REPEATEDLY tripping over his cape.  
  
"Damn cape."  
  
Folkie was about to exit when the door was directly slammed on him when Viole flung it open.  
  
"GUESS WHAT?!" He screamed over the veggie-ish uproar.  
  
"How do I know that I don't want to know?" Dilly remarked as he looked in disappointment at the charred ashes of all that online money.  
  
"TOMORROW'S HALLOWEEN!" Viole giggled like a giddy schoolgirl, jumping up and down in glee.  
  
"OK! WHAT'S SCREWED WITH YOU NOW?!?!" Dilly was past agitation at this point sense his slayers couldn't seem to keep track of what day it was.  
  
"FIRST, IT'S FOLKIE'S BIRTHDAY, THEN, IT'S SOMEHOW CHRISTMAS, NOW IT'S HALLOWEEN?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"  
  
"But. But. But." Viole protested twitching violently.  
  
"TOMORROW'S HALLOWEEN DILLY-SAMA!!! SHOW SOME SPIRIT!!!"  
  
"IT'S NOT HALLOWEEN YOU FREAK OF NATURE! YOU'RE EITHER A. DRUNK, B. HIGH LIKE PIXIE-BOY, OR C. JUST PLAIN RETARDED!!!"  
  
"BUT. GATTY TOLD US!!! THE GODDESS OF CAFFEINE SPOKE TO HIM!!!"  
  
"Yeah, and what did this 'goddess' have to say?" Dilly asked in vague amusement thinking, 'Obviously it's a combination of the three.'  
  
"She said Eek Ork Urk Ark!" Viole exclaimed proudly.  
  
"What the hell does that mean?" Dilly asked.  
  
"Well, none of us knew, but since Gatty's the Goddess of Caffeine's servant, he was able to translate it."  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'THE GODDESS OF CAFFEINE'S SERVANT?!' HE'S MY DRONE!"  
  
"Be quiet sir and I'll tell you what it all means! Gatty translated it to: 'Beavers chuck ripped giraffes!'"  
  
"And HOW did you come to the conclusion that this meant, 'Tomorrow is Halloween'?"  
  
"THE PIXIES DILLY-SAMA! THE PIXIES SHOWED US THE."  
  
"Just shut up, I don't think I want to know." Dilly murmured, shooing the slayer away.  
  
"OH NO! IT'S A COMMERCIAL!" Eriya shrieked in pain.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Naria screamed in denial.  
  
"BOB! COME BACK TO ME BOB!!!"  
  
Folkie and Dilly sweatdropped at the catgirls' blind devotion to a bunch of computer animated vegetables.  
  
"Uh Helloooooooooooooooooo! It's just a cartoon, stick to real life!" Folkie reprimanded them as they started scratching the TV when an ad for dog food came on. (A/N: Oh man. Folkie, FIGURE IT OUT!!! -_-;)  
  
"DIE KIBBLES 'N BITS!!! DIE!" Eriya shrieked, kicking the TV screen.  
  
It hurt when she came in contact with the hard glass.  
  
"OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE! MEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!" She started jumping around, clutching her foot.  
  
"Kibbley." Naria was glued to the TV screen, watching the dogs dance around with their product.  
  
"Snap out of it!" Eriya pelted a bag of 'Meow Meow Mix' at her and it landed on her foot, causing her to mimic her sibling.  
  
"OOOOOOOH!!! LOOK!!! IT'S A NEW DANCE!!!" Viole starting imitating the catgirl letting out an occasional yelp, eventually crashing into a wall.  
  
"WHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! That was fun!" He exclaimed before passing out.  
  
"I thought he'd NEVER go out." Dilly commented in relief as he stuffed the Dragonslayer into the closet.  
  
"You're * sniff * not * sniff * Bob * sniff *." Naria whimpered after letting go of her foot, ready to burst into tears.  
  
"Well, DUH!" Folkie replied in annoyance.  
  
"And thank God I'm not!" The catgirls looked ready to kill him for his words and yet ANOTHER sweatdrop formed on his forehead.  
  
"But. I wish I was!" He replied, grinning nervously.  
  
"Don't we all." Eriya mumbled.  
  
"Wait. That gives me an idea!" * A light-bulb appears above her head *  
  
"COME ON NARIA! WE'VE GOT WORK TO DO!"  
  
"BUT." Naria's pleas were ignored as Eriya dragged her away.  
  
"OK then." Dilly muttered in confusion as he stroked his flame-thrower for comfort.  
  
"Good Chiku. You never confuse me, now do you?" (A/N: Me and one of my fellow Esca obsessed friends have our own flame-throwers. heheheh, Mine's named Chiku and Kiddi Chi's is Adonis. (Don't you have one too Nagi-chan? I can't remember it's name.) I loaned mine to Dilly for this fic because I wouldn't let him use 'The Flame 3000'. It would cost too much for all the stuff he'd burn with the more powerful model.)  
  
"Flame wadoka da?" Dilly screeched at the author.  
  
(A/N: Down Dilly, Down!)  
  
"My name is NOT Dilly! Boku wa Dilandau-sama."  
  
(A/N: Sure Dilly. * Dilly attacks* AUGH! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! * He sets Trunks Gal's blonde hair on fire. * HELP!!!!!!!!)  
  
"Wheee. That was fun." Dilly commented in bored amusement as the author ran around screaming.  
  
(A/N: You'll pay for this pyro! Mark my words! * We notice that her head is scorched *)  
  
"Sokai?" Dilly asked as he walked away, grinning smugly.  
  
(A/N: YES! REALLY! Wait, I'M in control! I'M the author! Mwahahahaha!)  
  
Everyone else: You JUST figured this out? * Collective sweatdrop *  
  
(A/N: Well, umm. Yes. But BACK TO THE FIC!)  
  
"I hate the whole world!" Glaring Glory screeched.  
  
"And I like you too." Dilly commented as he found a laptop in a closet.  
  
"MWHAHAHAHA! YES! YES!"  
  
"Ooh! Ebay!" He began to rapidly click as Glaring Glory continued to give him an angry stare.  
  
"This is gonna be a loooooooooooooooooooooong two days." Folkie groaned as he attempted to walk away, tripping over Terrorizing Tom who began to laugh evilly as he shredded the bottom of Folkie's robes.  
  
The innocent bystander, Retarded Rachel's wise comment was, "GRAVY!"  
  
A/N: That wasn't funny, but oh well. I just wanted you peeps to know that I'm keeping my promise to continue it, it'll get better as I go along, then I'll probably do. * Folkie screams as he falls face flat on the floor from tripping over Cussing Christy *  
  
Cussing Christy: DAMN!  
  
Me: Oh shut up! Small children could be reading this! * Gags doll *  
  
* Fans groan at not being able to hear the author's twisted plans *  
  
Oh well, guess you'll have to wait and see! ^_~ Oh yeah, and I want AT LEAST 3-5 reviews before I'll be nice enough to add up the next chapter! Constructive criticism or compliments ONLY, send me a flame and I'll sic the kitties on you! * Naria and Eriya growl and the readers look slightly intimidated * Anyway, thanks for all of you who have read and reviewed, I deeply appreciate it! Ja matta ne! ^_^  
  
~Trunks Gal~ 


	12. What the?

Disclaimer: I don't own Esca, or ANYTHING in this fic. Yes, * gasp * this is pretty much my ONLY fic that I have not created a billion characters for. Escaflowne belongs to Sunrise or Bandai or whatever, all I know is, it's not mine. But if you REALLY want to sue me, you may have a green donut, cuz that's all I own... (A/N: Sorry guys, it's an inside joke, only Nagi-chan, NekuraTak, and Kiddi Chi would get i... I'll explain someday, but I don't think ya wanna know...)  
  
A/N: First, responses to reviews. You guys are good, I got six more reviews although I have badly neglected you and ignored this fic, I promise to try to be more predictable with updates... Oh yeah, and this chapter is dedicated to my friends: Nagi-chan (Who kept bugging me till I wanted to strangle her to update this), NekuraTak (Because she loves doom and is crazy... I mean that in a good way... ^_^;), Kiddi Chi (Because although she doesn't review this fic she puts up with me never reviewing hers...) and Marisol: Baby*chan (Who's stuck by me through them all with her nice comments and constant support, you're a great friend...) READ THEIR FICS! THEY ARE GIFTED ALTHOUGH THEY DENY IT! (Take that... * Laughs as her friends maul her *) NekuraTak has poems, which are REALLY GOOD, Nagi-chan has a Dilly fic, Kiddi Chi has 2 GW fics, which are great might I add, plus an Escaflowne V/H called "Amber and Emeralds" which is very creative...And Baby*chan has an Esca fic, which rocks although she's always threatening to delete it, and a bunch of cool CCS fics. I'll shut up now...  
  
ChestnZ: YES! HA! MOEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! POWER TO THE PIXIES! MAY THEY FOREVER REIGN SUPREME! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Umm... * Cough Cough * Anyways, here's more, I'll try to add more often...  
  
JoJo: * Laughs in hyperness * Yeah, it's usually averagely funny, because I only write it when I: a. Feel high/hyper, b. Am on a sugar rush, c. Have nothing to do... * Then again THIS is almost NEVER happens... *, d. I'm in perky mode extreme! Anyways, thanks for reviewing my stories, you're like one of the best all-time reviewers cuz you always have something nice to say to everyone it seems. Keep reviewing, we appreciate it!  
  
Escagurl: * Mutters * And I thought I was hyper... Lol... Nyork! * Grins * Yes, I must admit, Escaflowne is full of Bishonen, Dilly, Van-sama, Folkie, all the dragonslayers (except guimel, he's a sheep, I don't know if I could picture him as cute, maybe misunderstood...), NOT Allen (Sorry gurl, I can never like the moose who hurts Van-sama so many times physically and emotionally because although I dislike Hitomi, I am a MAJOR fan of the whole V/H thing... Anyways, I'm glad my story makes ya laugh, you should write something like this, I think you'd be good at it... Ja! ^_~  
  
StArPrInCeSsSaKuRa: Yo Marisol! (New name is Baby*chan)Waz up? Haven't heard from you in a while, although it's probably my fault, school has me wiped these days. I am NOT crazy, I'm * SPECIAL *! * Readers roll their eyes at the author's idiocy * Hey! I saw that! * Glares * Anyways, email me, k? ADD TO YOUR FIC!!!!!!!!!! AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!! And thanks for all your support and reviews, you're really great! ^_^  
  
Chaos-chan: I am crazy and I admit it, I'm also a blonde, which does not help, as Washu-chan CONSTANTLY points out, lol... I suffer so much from having all brunette friends... Oh well... Insanity is a GOOD thing, and it not making sense makes it better... Lol... Keep reading, it'll only get stranger as time goes on...  
  
Dru: Yeah, I now how that goes, I have Nagi-chan to blame (or thank?) for turning me on to ff.net and now I am hooked and love it. Thanks for saying my story's great, it makes me feel all warm inside and I feel like hugging all the lil' readers out there... * HUG HUG HUG * * Readers pass out * Hehehe... Oops... ^_^; Wow, I have fans, that's cool, I'll try to please y'all and drag this out as long as humanly possible... * Laughs diabolically * Anyways, keep reading, I enjoy reading all you peeps' comments, just reading this makes you all SPECIAL! * Readers gag from her constant corniness/sappiness… *  
  
Ashley Chu: Wow, thanks, I love getting new readers, I hope your friends like it, and I'm glad you like it so far! ^_^ I will do Valentine's Day, I think that would be amusing to write, and Van and Hitomi, WILL come into the picture soon enough, read on... Thanks!  
  
Wow, I'm not worthy of all this praise, you guys rock! And even you guys who read it and don't review (even though you SHOULD), rock! NOW ON WITH THE SHOW! ^_^  
  
A Hyper Halloween  
  
Chapter 2: What the...?  
  
Dilandau sat at his laptop; his eyes fixed on the screen when he heard a strange noise. It sounded like a dying moose.  
"WHAT THE HELL'S THAT?!" He shrieked in annoyance.  
  
"How would I know?" Folken mumbled into the ground, where he was still lying thanks to the evil catdolls.  
  
"Buttered toast?" Retarded Rachel suggested.  
  
"Uhh... As much as I appreciate your 'wise' opinion, I think not." Dilly replied, just as the door swung open to reveal... (A/N: Who else?) ...Gatty... But wait, he was still wearing a tutu, but this one was orange and black.  
"What are you doing?" Dilandau asked him, wishing that his slayer's hyperness would die down.  
  
"I'm here to remind you that tomorrow's Halloween!" Gatty screamed perkily, bouncing up and down.  
  
"Gatty, come here for a second, I want to tell you something." Dilandau gestured to the blonde who stupidly came closer.   
*SLAP* "If you EVER mention another holiday again, I'll kill you!"  
  
Gatty chuckled, making Dilly sneer at his stupidity, he hated laughter.  
"Hey! How DARE you call me 'Dilly' again! And what's with me hating laughter, I cackle constantly!" Dilly screamed at the annoying author.  
  
(A/N: Well So-rry! I think Dilly's a cute name! ^_^;)  
  
With a look of disgust on his face Dilly replied, "I don't WANT to be CUTE! I want to be DANGEROUS!"  
  
(A/N: Whatever Dilly... Back to the show...)  
  
Dilandau muttered about stupid blonde authors who created this retarded fics that have no plot and no purpose.  
  
"Soooooooooooooooooo Dilly! What are you dressing up as?" Gatty shrieked in glee.  
  
"I'm going to go as a fist..." Dilly started to announce.  
  
"Cool!" Gatty winked at him, giving him the thumbs up sign.  
  
"SO I CAN BEAT YOU INTO THE GROUND!" Dilandau screamed as he attacked Gatty.  
  
Folken who had finally gotten up, noted the brawl going on between the pyro and the pixie.  
"What did I do to deserve this? Why is fate so cruel?" Suddenly, there was an explosion as half the room blew up.  
"What the hell?!" Folken looked in shock at the rubble around him.  
  
"Sorry Mac, there was no doorbell, good thing I was prepared!" A delivery guy walked in at that moment.  
  
Folkie sweatdropped.  
"What can I do for you?" He asked, trying to resist the urge to strangle this moron who'd never heard of knocking.  
  
"Sign here Mac."  
  
'My name's not Mac...' Folkie observed to himself. He pulled his metal arm out of his cloak and the deliveryman screamed in terror.  
  
"IT'S AN ALIEN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! IT'S THE INVASION OF THE CLAW PEOPLE! AUGH!" He ran through the demolished wall and fell to his death, forgetting he was on a floating fortress.  
  
"Well, one less delivery guy to worry about." Folkie commented as he began to open the package that the guy had abandoned.  
  
"Hey Folkie, what was that about?" Dilly stopped his fight for a moment to ask.  
  
"Oh nothing, I think hostile aliens are taking over Gaea or something." Folkie muttered as he toyed with the package's tape.  
  
"Oh, cool." The fight immediately resumed as Gatty sprayed his commander with pixie dust.  
  
"Man, I need some scissors!" Folkie whined.  
  
"I'll use my PSYCHIC POWERS to open it!" Hitomi appeared out of nowhere to solve his dilemma.  
  
"Where the heck did you come from?" Folkie was shocked, having hoped she'd died during his unconsciousness. Van walked in next.  
"Brother..."  
  
"Well duh, I'm your brother Folken. We've been through this several times now. We even went to that family counseling thing, although I don't feel like I 'bonded' with you much." Van replied, coming up to stand beside Hitomi.  
  
"Why'd you bring HER?" Folkie asked his little brother, gesturing at the green-eyed seeress holding his delivery and meditating.  
  
"Hey, she's my girlfriend, what do you EXPECT me to do? Throw her off the ship?"  
  
"Well... I was hoping..." Folkie was instantly silenced.  
  
"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?! I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE HERE!" Hitomi shrieked at them. Van stood back, sweating and Folken was blasted to the other side of the room by her amplified voice.  
  
"Sorry." Van said, looking slightly nervous.  
  
"That's OK Van! It was probably all Folken's fault! You're too cute to cause trouble!" Hitomi smiled at him and he blushed.  
  
"Well gee... Thanks..." Van tugged at his collar knowing that REALLY wasn't true most of the time.  
  
"The vibrations of this box tell me that it wishes not to be opened." Hitomi announced, as she began to walk away.  
"Come Van." Van was dragged away by her rolling his eyes in frustration.  
  
"Thank the gods I have no woman to tie me down." Folken sighed in relief.  
  
"HEY FOLKIE-SAMA!" Two catgirls pounced on him and he immediately took that last statement back.  
  
"Oh Folkie, wait till you hear Eriya's idea! We're going to... MPH!" Naria squeaked in excitement until her sister covered her mouth with her hand.  
  
"You're going to MPH?" Folken asked in amusement, getting up off the ground again.  
'I seem to spend a great deal of time there.' He observed.  
  
"It's nothing, nothing at all my lord." Eriya excused herself and dragged her squealing sibling away.  
  
"Why couldn't they have been dogboys or something? I could take them on walks, they could fetch me my slippers, on second thought I don't have any slippers, but nevermind... I could throw Frisbees for them; they could bring in the paper... But no, I saved two catgirls..." He sighed as he got back to the problem at hand, the box that remained unopened. Suddenly, he heard a muffled noise; it seemed to be coming from the closet. He opened the door and the bearded freak, namely Emperor Dornkirk, fell out.  
  
"THIS IS UNFITTING FOR THE EMPEROR OF ZAIBACH! I SEE YOUR DOOM FOR SUCH BETRAYAL! LET ME OUT RIGHT NOW OR I SEE YOUR DESTINIES ENDING IN A BLACK WHOLE! I..."  
  
"Dude, you're out." Folken told the emperor who was wriggling about like a worm on the ground with his eyes closed, clutching his beard.  
  
"Oh, of course I am. I knew it all the time." Dornkirk told him matter-of-factly.  
"I AM a genius, you know."  
  
"Sure ya are. Did you take your medicine this morning?" Folkie asked in some concern, he didn't need ANOTHER mentally unstable person on the Vione since he and Van seemed to be the only ones who hadn't suffered severe brain damage one time or another. Scratch that, Van being in love with Hitomi proved he wasn't right in the head either. Folken sighed, he seemed to be the only one left to carry on the name of sanity. Truly, it was a sad day. He paused for a moment of reflection before being rudely interrupted.  
  
"HELLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO! EARTH TO FOLKEN!" Viole tried to get Folken's attention.  
  
"Where'd you come from? Never mind, I have no time to talk to you girl." Folken responded emotionlessly.  
  
"I AM NOT A GIRL! I AM A BOY AND PROUD OF IT!" Viole screamed.  
  
"Then why is your hair purple and why is it longer than Allen's?" Folken asked taking great pleasure out of annoying this easily pissed soldier.  
  
"Why the hell did they only show me once during the whole freaking show... They should have called it "The Vision of Viole!" But since the viewers practically get NO vision of me, maybe that isn't suitable. That title's much more catchy though!"  
  
"I only wish we could feel your inner pain." Folkie commented sarcastically pushing the Dragonslayer going through an identity crisis to the side.  
"Emperor, you are 'supposedly'" He used his fingers to put quotes around 'supposedly' not knowing if the old fool had gone completely senile yet.  
"...Very wise. Will you tell me how to open this box?" He shoved it into Dorny's face.  
  
"I see it... I see it..." Dorny announced proudly.  
  
"See what?" Folken asked scratching his head in puzzlement.  
  
"I see it... I see the box... Folken, I see it!" Dorny exclaimed in joy.  
  
"For crying out loud..." Folkie was tempted to start bonking his head again and go for 2 million this time, but didn't want to suffer any further brain damage and reconsidered. He placed his hand over his face and poked himself with his metal claw.  
"Ouch."   
"Well here we go..." He could use his stupid claw to open the box, he knew the annoying thing would come in handy someday...   
"Won't be needing you anymore!" Folken announced, shoving Dornkirk back into the closet and locking it.  
  
"I WILL CONTROL ALL FATE! DO YOU HEAR ME?!"  
  
"Sure ya will." Folken rolled his eyes at his 'master's' stupidity.  
He tore the box open with his finger and found a note.  
  
'To Folken-sama:  
I hope we can put the past behind us and become the best of friends!   
Here is a token of my esteem.   
Enjoy!  
Sincerely,  
Migel Lavelier  
P.S. Wear this on Halloween Night or it creates an explosion big enough to blow up the Vione. Just thought ya should know! Thanks!'  
  
"What the heck is wrong with that boy? MY Doppelganger tried to kill him. Why does he want to be my FRIEND?" He pulled out something so horrifying from the bottom he was frozen in fear…  
"Chatting Chad, the Halloween costume... From the creators of Glaring Glory and family..." Folken read the package's title in sheer horror.  
"God no..."  
  
He was interrupted by an excited shriek as Eriya and Naria ran into the room.  
"LOOK FOLKEN! LOOK! AREN'T OUR HALLOWEEN COSTUMES DA BOMB?!" Naria screamed in happiness.  
  
"Sure..." He was temporarily stunned. What humiliation. Eriya was dressed like Larry, and Naria was dressed like Bob. It couldn't get much worse.  
  
"Peace man!" Dornkirk suddenly appeared, dressed as a Hippie.  
  
"It just seems to get worse and worse." Folken commented.  
  
"You haven't seen MY costume yet!" Dilly exclaimed as he burst into the room.  
  
"You aren't WEARING a costume, Dilandau." Folken pointed out.  
  
"Well duh! What could be scarier than me?! MWAHAHAHA! MOEROOOOOOOOO! BURN IT ALL!" Dilly leaped around the room burning everything in reach.  
  
"Okay then..." Folkie sweatdropped. He turned in interest when he heard protesting from the hallway.  
  
"Oh relax Van, you look cute!"  
  
"Dalet Laregino, go in there right now before I hurt you!"  
  
The door opened and everyone in the room fell over laughing.  
  
"OH MY GOD DALET! WHAT DID SHE DO TO YOU?!" Chesta shrieked in amusement, very unlike him.  
  
"VAN! HA! I ALWAYS TOLD MOM YOU WERE THE FASHION VICTIM OF THE FAMILY!" Folken fell over backwards laughing so hard.  
  
Dalet was dressed like a teddy bear, Verona in a matching outfit holding his paw. Van and Hitomi were in red and green TellyTubby costumes. Both men looked like they either wished to commit suicide or kill the girls, or maybe both, it was hard to tell.  
  
"VAN! SAY YOUR LINE!" Hitomi hissed in his ear.  
  
"Uh oh. Po." Van mumbled unenthusiastically.  
  
"Louder Van! We can't hear you in the back!" Dilandau called, holding himself up with his sword as he cackled.  
  
"UH OH! PO!" Van screamed.  
"YA HAPPY NOW?"  
  
"YES!" Dilandau replied in ecstasy, doubled over in laughter at his rival's getup.  
  
"HELLO EVERYBODY!" Princess Millerna walked into the room.  
  
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" Dalet asked, although he was a cuddly forest creature.  
  
"I'M A BUTTERFLY! OF COURSE! LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL WINGS!" She batted her eyelashes flirtatiously and everyone wondered how she got invited. They were soon answered when Allen entered, dressed like a bumblebee.  
  
"God Allen, how'd YOU get roped into this? You don't even LIKE Millerna anymore!"  
  
"She gave me shampoo." Allen replied in humiliation, trying to hide his antennae.  
  
"Allen, Allen, Allen, you must learn to crush your feminine side." Van chided, trying not to smirk.  
  
"Glad I don't have a girlfriend to get me into these sort of things... Women are nothing but trouble..." Dilandau commented, this was pure bliss.  
  
"Oh Dilly! Since you're like Allen's brother and he's my man, I bought you one too!" Millerna squealed slipping a ladybug costume over his head.  
  
"I'm not your man." Allen muttered hopelessly.  
  
"AUGH! NO! MUST BURN!" Dilly tried to get his flame-thrower, but the costume zipper was stuck.  
"DARN IT! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
"I knew you'd love it! I just knew it!" Millerna beamed, not noticing the death glares the pyro was shooting at her  
  
"Number 1: Allen is NOT, may I repeat, is NOT, my brother. Number 2: He hates your guts. Number 3: I hate your guts and your ideas of fashion. Number 4: We have enough morons on this ship at the moment without you and your 'man' aboard. Number 5: You're a blonde." Dilly's vein was popping and he rubbed his scar up and down muttering to himself in anguish.  
  
"IT'S A WIG I TELL YOU! A WIG!"  
"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Millerna sobbed, strangling all those around her.  
"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"You idiot! Why'd you have to do that?! Now she'll never shut up!" Folkie reprimanded the Dragonslayers' commander.  
  
"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"This is gonna be a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG weekend." Folkie muttered, dreading what the next two days would bring. Tonight was Mischief night, tomorrow was Halloween...  
  
A/N: Well, this part of the fic will probably be four chapters long. Next chapter won't be as long probably, Mischief Night, then the last chap will be Halloween. I am also answering a reader's request and I will try to shift Hitomi's affections throughout the story to someone, unexpected... if you want... Then, I have big plans for my little Esca slaves, you'll see soon enough... (Hint: It has something to do with Dalet...) Thanks for reading, review! (Or I'll stop this fic entirely...)   
Oh yeah, I added the final chapter to "Never Forget," my angsty V/H fic... And next to be updated is "Winged Destinies," the "Wings of an Angel" sequel. READ 'EM!  
And the formatting is screwed because I was reduced to using Notepad because ff.net won't accept my Word document... I'm going to keep trying though! Wish me luck...  
Sayonara tomadachi! ^_^  
~Trunks Gal~ 


	13. Getting Off Track

Disclaimer: If I owned Esca, I wouldn't be depending on THIS to keep me occupied… In other words, my precious lil' bishonen and my kitties will NEVER be mine! WAHHHHHHHHHHHH! Maybe I should end it all now! OOOOOOOOOOOH! A GREEN DONUT! * Happily walks off munching her pastry *  
  
A/N: Please read and review! I appreciate it! And laughing is allowed although not required.  
  
Oh yeah, call-outs:  
  
Amber and Emeralds- A continuation of Esca when Hitomi returns and war follows by my friend Kiddi Chi!  
  
Millerna and Hippie- An Esca parody of Romeo and Juliet by REAL Gaz. It's really amusing, check it out… Also, check out 'Escahontas' by REAL Gaz, which is obviously a Pocahontas parody… Both are hilarious and will have you falling out of your swivel chair in laughter… I know, I have…  
  
All poems by NekuraTak, they are all very morbid and good!  
  
The two short fics by NariaandEriya, because it's me and my best friend Nagi-chan's account!  
  
Any fic by Phantom Angel, she is the queen of Esca fics!  
  
When We Meet Again *~*- A dramatic fic by Lovely Videl when Van comes to the Mystic Moon to find Hitomi, it's a wonderful fic!  
  
The Journey to Ultimate Happiness- A really good fic by Dilandau's Girl, when Hitomi goes back to Gaea, becomes pregnant, and returns home where Van comes chasing after her…  
  
The Angel with raven colored hair- This is another great Esca continuation by my friend Baby-chan, check it out, I'm sure you'll love it!  
  
READ ALL ESCA FICS BY ZTARLIGHT! HER FICS ARE THE BEST!  
  
OH yeah, I recommend all of my other fics cuz I'm kind of annoying… Most of them are quite good…  
  
If you'd like me to plug in any of your fics or read them, just tell me in your reviews, k? Thanks! ^_^  
  
Kiddi Chi: Ya gotta read more Washu-chan! But I'm glad you think it's funny… That's a compliment coming from you! I reviewed "Ambers and Emeralds" though, so be happy, k? See ya at school!  
  
NekuraTak: Thank you for braving Washu's wrath Amie-chan! I hope ya like it; it's as crazy as me, right? Lol… It's fun to be sugar-high! * Giggles insanely muttering in French *  
  
Rei aka Laura of Spirit: I'm glad you think it's cool! Arigatou! As for the names, there are like a billion different spellings. I've seen Chesta, Shesta, Daret, Dalet, Dallet, and about a gillion others. We all know who the character-dudes are so I hope the spellings don't bother anyone, thanks for bringing that up! ^_~  
  
Nagi-chan: Hyperness is awesome Nagi-chan-friend and you know it! My costumes rock! OH YEAH! I WANT TO BE PO TOO! WAHHHHHHHH! Life is so hard. : ( I want to follow your advice, I'll see what I can do about killing Millerna even though I'm sure Katie-chan won't appreciate it… Lol, keep reading Nat! ^_^  
  
JoJo: I love writing this, and I'm glad you guys are loving it too! Here's the next chappie as promised! It's great you have as much fun reading it as I have writing it! ^_^  
  
???: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MY MASTER PLAN HAS TAKEN FOLD! WITH MY ONE RETARDED FIC I WILL MAKE THE ENTIRE WORLD SILENCE! * Looks around and everyone is giving her a weird look while sweatdropping… * Umm… Cough Cough…  
  
Escagurlie: I've got two words for you nice person: Thank you! : )  
  
Baby-chan: Hey Marisol-chan! EMAIL ME! (READ HER FICS PEEPS!) Don't hurt urself while rolling on the ground laughing… You're so nice Marisol friend! I read Chapter 11 of ur Esca fic, it was great! It's hard to be special, ain't it? It's nice to have understanding friends! ^_^  
  
REAL Gaz: Yes Katie-chan, that play was very scary… Funny though… I'm glad you like the fic, I reviewed Escahontas didn't I? I read 101 Girs! IT WAS SO FUNNY! Oh yeah, did you see Tak: The Hideous New Girl on Friday? LOVED IT! Glad ya like the fic! Hope to see you and Amie soon! Ja! ^_^  
  
Thanks great reviewer people! YOU ARE THE BEST! THE REST OF YOU ARE UNWORTHY TO CLEAN MY TRACK SHOES! (And they're dirty…) ^_^;  
  
Chapter 13: Getting Off Track  
  
"WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Millerna continued to howl in depression from Dilly's putdown.  
  
"THERE YOU GO WITH THAT DILLY AGAIN!" Dilly hissed at the annoying author.  
  
(A/N: But… Dilly… * Author gets all teary eyed *)  
  
"YOU DID IT AGAIN!" Dilly whipped out his flame-thrower.  
  
(A/N: What are you going to do with that? * Looks nervous *)  
  
"I know a certain bunch of fics by a certain blonde that need a flaming…" Dilandau grinned and began to run out. Unfortunately for him, he forgot that thanks to Millerna-Hime he had six bug-like legs and promptly tripped over them all, his annoying feelers whacking him in the face.  
  
"UGH! STUPID BUG-THING! DIE!" He used his flame-thrower on the costume and sighed in relief to think that all his problems might end now.  
  
"Hey is it hot in here or is it just me?" Dilandau smirked as he made a macho pose.  
  
"It's DEFINITELY not you…" Hitomi muttered, hugging Van's arm.  
  
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that." Dilandau commented.  
  
"Dilly, your arm is on fire…" Folken muttered, his eyes widening a bit.  
  
"What are you babbling about now Folken…?" Dilly asked, not having heard Zaibach's Strategos and his warning of doom.  
  
"DILLY! YOU'RE BURNING UP!"  
  
"What the heck are you talking about? I'm not sick! AND STOP CALLING ME DILLY!"  
  
"YOU'RE GONNA DIE!"  
  
"Wow, you're sure morbid! I told you not to steal Hitomi's Tarot Cards! Tell me oh great master, how shall I die?"  
  
"You're going to be burned alive because of your stupid pyro-tendancies…"  
  
"What… I… AIEEEEEEEEEEE!" Dilly noticed a flame whip up around him and quickly jumped off the Vione into the lake below.  
  
"Should somebody get him?" Folken asked.  
  
"Yep!" Gatty started dancing around.  
  
"WELL THEN GET TO IT!"  
  
"K THEN!" Gatty jumped into his Alseides and zoomed down to pick up his soaked commander.  
  
Dilly stepped out, fuming in anger and scorched.  
  
"A soggy pyro is not a happy pyro…"  
  
"That's nice Dilly." Folkie threw him a towel and the silver-haired boy dried himself off, his tiara particularly wet as he wiped it off and watched the dragon and the girl from the Mystic Moon.  
  
"HITOMI!" Van hissed as his arm turned blue.  
  
"Yes Van?" She asked, her eyes tightly closed as she squeezed the life out of his poor appendage.  
  
"Hitomi… Please… You're cutting off my circulation…" He then passed out.  
  
Hitomi opened her eyes and looked down to see Van collapsed at her feet with a blue arm.  
  
"I do have that effect on men." She grinned and everybody fell over anime- style.  
  
She then looked down at her blue beau.  
  
"Hey… Does anybody know the heimlach maneuver?"  
  
"Hitomi… What help would that be?" Folken asked, sweatdropping.  
  
"I dunno… It just came to mind…" She had a faraway look.  
  
"What you want to ask is if anyone knows CPR."  
  
"Oh yeah! That's right!" She grinned again and Dilly came up behind to strangle her. She turned around and he quickly hid his singed arms behind his back and began to whistle.  
  
"Hey! You're kinda cute!" She smiled, grabbing hold of Dilandau's arm.  
  
"HEY! NO TOUCHY! NO TOUCHY! I DON'T WANT TO END UP LIKE FANEL!" Dilandau protested, pulling away from the seeress's grasp.  
  
"Well, you sure become infatuated easily…" Folken commented.  
  
"Why else do you think she fell in love with me?" Allen asked.  
  
"You realize, of course Allen, you just insulted yourself." Dilandau commented.  
  
"He's showing his inner blonde!" Gatty proclaimed, rushing over.  
  
"I'm so very proud!" He teared up and hugged Allen.  
  
Millerna loomed overhead and lightning cracked above her.  
  
"Get… away… from… my… man… now… OR ELSE!" She screeched as Gatty whimpered and tiptoed away.  
  
"Blondes scare me." Dilly commented.  
  
(A/N: I FEEL HURT! BOO! HOO! HOO! : (  
  
"ESPECIALLY YOU! EVIL AUTHOR-DUDE!" Dilly shook his fist at the blonde above.  
  
(A/N: I wouldn't say that Dilly… I CONTROL YOUR FATE! BWEHEHEHEHE! * Dilly's arms and legs begin to wiggle as the blonde cackles in delight. *)  
  
"HEY! I CONTROL FATE!" Dorny protested.  
  
(A/N: * Author shies away from the living beard.  
  
"Dilly… Get him to go away… He scares me…")  
  
"FINALLY SOMETHING WE AGREE ON!" Dilly smirked, tossing Dornkirk into the closet where he continued to curse and rant.  
  
"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS DILANDAU!" The beard screamed from the closet.  
  
"Right… I'm shaking Beardy! And that's LORD Dilandau to you! Show him Gatty!"  
  
Gatty stepped up.  
  
"Dilandau… I…"  
  
SLAP!  
  
"I mean… Lord Dilandau…" Gatty bowed deeply.  
  
"And you may notice that there is neither a blister nor redness while Dilandau-sama wear's his fire-proof dragon-hide gloves!" Gatty sounded a lot like a TV commercial-dude and began to scare everybody.  
  
"That's how it's done!" Dilly grinned.  
  
"You know… This closet makes a better door than a window." Dornkirk commented dejectedly.  
  
"Uh… Aren't we forgetting something?" Folken asked.  
  
"What could that be?" Hitomi asked in puzzlment.  
  
"Uh… Your boyfriend is blue for crying out loud!"  
  
"Oh yeah! Van-kun!" She smiled.  
  
"Mouth to mouth?" Everybody just gave her a weak nod.  
  
As she closed in, a ferocious "MEOW" was heard and Hitomi was knocked over.  
  
"AIEEEEEEEE!"  
  
"OH VAN-SAMA! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? DID THAT STUPID GIRL HURT YOU?! VAN-SAMA!" Merle squealed in anxiety.  
  
"Merle?" Hitomi asked in a dazed voice.  
  
"I see little birdies… They're all flying around my head… They're so pretty!" She promptly passed out.  
  
"Hmm?" Merle looked around in confusion.  
  
"What's wrong with Lord Van and Hitomi?"  
  
"It's all the excitement…" Folken muttered sarcastically.  
  
"WHY IS LORD VAN DRESSED LIKE A TELLY TUBBY?!" Merle's tail bristled in alarm.  
  
"I'LL SAVE YOU LORD VAN!" She attempted to remove the costume, but he awakened.  
  
"HOW'D HE DO THAT?!" Dilandau whined.  
  
(A/N: I AM THE MAGICAL AUTHOR! I DO WHAT I WISH! I CONTROL YOU ALL! MWAHAHAHAHA! BWEHEHE! Look what I can do! * Two talking blocks of wood appear, looking confused… Or as confused as two blocks of wood can look… * The author begins to drink tea with them and they seem quite annoyed. * * Katie dashes in and drags them away, sloshing all of the author's tea on them… * : (  
  
"Uh oh! Po!" Van muttered, before his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he passed out again.  
  
"He got it right…" Hitomi murmured as she slipped back into her little dream world.  
  
* 1 Hour Later *  
  
* Everyone is either unconscious or asleep… Don't ask… *  
  
"AIEEEEEEEEEE!" Hitomi screamed as she awoke in a cold sweat.  
  
"Hitomi! Babe! What's wrong?" Van asked as he was instantly up at his girl's shriek.  
  
"Oh Van… I had the most horrible vision…" Van held the shaking girl tightly and she calmed a bit.  
  
"Tell me about it."  
  
"Well… You see… I'm going up to this old lady's house on Halloween night… I ring the doorbell, say "Trick or Treat?" and she compliments my costume…" Van grimaced at the last thought.  
  
"Then she reaches her hand into a bucket and…"  
  
"AND…?" Van asked impatiently.  
  
"SHE PULLS OUT SUGAR-FREE GUM AND HANDS IT TO ME!" Hitomi began to weep.  
  
"That's it?" Van asked in annoyance.  
  
"I NEED MY SUGAR VAN! IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME FROM GOING CRAZY!"  
  
"Just how long has she not had sugar then?" Dilandau asked no one as he polished his sword.  
  
"Oh Allen! You'll give me all your candy, won't you?" Millerna pleaded to him.  
  
"But why Mille? I thought you were watching your weight…" Allen instantly realized his mistake as the princess fumed a bright red and started hissing.  
  
"Allen Leon Schezar… HOW DARE YOU… I… I… HATE YOU!" She shrieked as she kicked him in the stomach and stormed out of the room.  
  
She peaked back in.  
  
"Oh yeah! And you're not my man!" She stuck her tongue out at him and flounced off.  
  
"My dearest wish come true! SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME!" Allen praised the Lord, leaping around laughing and dancing with Hitomi.  
  
"Hey! Don't get fresh with her!" Van insisted, punching Allen in the face and pulling Hitomi away.  
  
"Oh Van! We were just dancing!" Hitomi pouted.  
  
"Why can't I be YOUR girl and still flirt with all the cute guys around here?" She winked at Dilandau who shuddered uncontrollably.  
  
"She never was this stupid in the show…" Folken muttered in annoyance.  
  
"You never bonked your head constantly and Gatty wasn't a pixie in the show either…" Dilandau muttered.  
  
"What'd you say Dilly?" Folken asked suspiciously.  
  
"I said, 'You're right,' of course." Dilandau commented.  
  
"Alright, if that's all you said." Folken turned his head in interest as the door opened again.  
  
"OH ALLEN-CHAN! I COULDN'T LEAVE YOU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" Millerna glomped the blonde knight who groaned.  
  
"NO! NO! NO! NO! WHY HAVE THE GODS CURSED ME SO?!"  
  
"Oh Allen-chan! WHATEVER are you talking about?" The grinning Millerna asked, not understanding his rant.  
  
"Oh nothing… nothing… Darn you…"  
  
"WHAT WAS THAT?!"  
  
"Oh… I love you too Mille-chan!" Allen sweatdropped with an overly large smile.  
  
"Oh… Great!" She beamed, then a lightbulb appeared above her head.  
  
"I know Allen! Let's get married!"  
  
"WHAT?!" Allen shrieked in horror.  
  
"Where'd that lightbulb come from?" Hitomi pondered, poking the appliance above the princess's head.  
  
"Hey! Cut that out! This is my first one!" Millerna protested, stroking the lightbulb above her.  
  
"That doesn't surprise me one bit…" Allen muttered.  
  
"Allen-chan… We seem to be a bit critical today, don't we?"  
  
"Who's 'we'?" Allen asked in annoyance.  
  
"Oh yeah, what were we talking about?" Millerna asked in confusion.  
  
"You're going to marry Allen!" Hitomi sighed dreamily with stars in her eyes.  
  
"I am?" Millerna pondered the thought for a moment. Everyone gave her a look at her short attention span.  
  
"Oh yes, I am!" Her eyes closed in an anime grin so she couldn't see everyone fall over anime style.  
  
"NO!BonkNO!BonkNO!" Allen cried in dismay as he banged his head against the wall.  
  
"HEY!" Folken exclaimed.  
  
"I AM THE HEAD BONKING CHAMPION! DO YOU DARE CHALLENGE ME FOR MY TITLE?!" Folken flung himself into the wall next to Allen, relapsing into his never- ending brain damage.  
  
"Hmm?" Allen wondered what Folken was doing since he hadn't bothered to visit the Vione for Christmas.  
  
"Lord Folken! No! Don't! You lost too many brain cells in the last story! I'M under YOUR command! I'LL DO IT!" Eriya began to hit her head against the wall and Folken smiled at her devotion.  
  
"OMIGOSH! FOLKEN SMILED!" Naria shrieked, fainting promptly.  
  
Millerna looked around in confusion.  
  
"Anyways… HITOMI! HITOMI!" She grabbed hold of Hitomi's arm.  
  
"MILLERNA! MILLERNA!" Hitomi imitated her friend's excited expression latching onto her other arm.  
  
"Hitomi… Before my wedding… Will you tell me my fortune?" Millerna gave the girl her puppydog eyes as she pleaded.  
  
"My God! Didn't you learn anything from the stupid series?!" Van screamed in annoyance.  
  
"I don't believe in pre-determined fate!" Hitomi smiled happily, remembering her line.  
  
"That's right Hitomi!" Van beamed at her.  
  
"THAT WAS THE STUPID MORAL!"  
  
"Oh, I wasn't paying attention…" Millerna casually replied.  
  
"I thought the moral was to never befriend guymelef pilots!" Everyone fell again.  
  
"GOD! HERE YOU ARE MARRYING A STUPID GUYMELEF PILOT AND YOU THINK THE MORAL OF THE FREAKING SERIES WAS TO NEVER BEFRIEND THEM!" Merle screamed in annoyance.  
  
"Hey now! Who are you calling stupid?!" Van demanded.  
  
"Ara, gomen nasai Van-sama!" Merle glomped her beloved bishonen as he regretted his protest.  
  
"Oh well, I'm sure Allen will give up his position as a Knight Caeli for me! Won't you Allen-kun?" She beamed at him as he paled.  
  
"Uh… Right…"  
  
'Allen, you moron! How do you get yourself into these situations?! I KNEW I should have done that Herbal Essences commercial instead of this show…' Allen cursed to himself.  
  
"Hitomi, will you do my reading now?" Millerna asked, grabbing hold of Allen.  
  
"DAIJOUBU, MILLERNA-HIME!" Hitomi beamed at her.  
  
"What the heck did she just say?" Van asked in confusion, still not having mastered his Japanese.  
  
(A/N: Hold on Van-sama, I'll help! * The Author pulls out her handy 'Japanese for Blondes' book and flips to the 'Expressions used by strange tarot-reading girls from The Mystic Moon' section. * Ah! Here we go! * Author beams. * Hitomi just said, "All right, Princess Millerna!")  
  
Van sweatdrops, still not understanding how he could communicate with the story's writer.  
  
"Umm… Thanks?"  
  
(A/N: * Author smiles * Uerukamu Van-sama!)  
  
"WHAT?!" Van was beyond frustration.  
  
(A/N: -_-; Translated, that means "Welcome, Lord Van!")  
  
Van scratches the back of his head and grins in apology.  
  
"Umm… Arigatou?"  
  
"OH VAN! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! I KNEW YOU'D PICK UP ON JAPANESE EVENTUALLY!" Hitomi smiled widely. Van mumbled a thanks, grinning sheepishly.  
  
"Oh yeah, I was going to read your tarot cards, wasn't I Millerna-hime?"  
  
"Yes, please do!" Millerna still squeezed the life out of Allen's arm.  
  
"Let's get started then…" Hitomi lay out the Celtic spread on the table, Allen whispering cuss words, and Millerna filled with a blonde's hope.  
  
(A/N: May I remind you all that this is to not offend any blondes, for I be one, I would be insulting myself, which I do enough already… ^_^;)  
  
"I bet you 75 Gidaru that she'll prophesize their deaths!" Migel whispered to Chesta.  
  
"Oh, I deplore betting." Chesta whispered quietly.  
  
"Whatever." Migel muttered as he moved on to Viole.  
  
"I bet you 75 Gidaru that she'll prophesize their deaths!" Migel whispered.  
  
"I'm not betting against those odds… That's enough to pay for five dinners in Palas…" Viole murmured.  
  
"MAN! I NEED MONEY!" He looked around for easy prey. He spotted Gatty.  
  
"Gatty my friend…" Migel smiled sweetly.  
  
"Do YOU want to be a pixie too?!" Gatty squealed in excitement.  
  
"Uh… No thanks, I'm not worthy of such an honor, but say… How 'bout a friendly wager? I bet you 75 Gidaru that she'll prophesize their deaths!"  
  
"Ahh… Why would she do that? I'll make the bet Migel!" Gatty smiled, walking away to sprinkle pixie dust on some unfortunate passerby.  
  
"This'll be the easiest money I've ever made!" Migel grinned in satisfaction.  
  
Hitomi began the reading, with Van watching while standing next to her.  
  
"Oh my… Le Morte… The Death Card…" Hitomi trembled and Van held her hand.  
  
'How did I know?' Migel wondered.  
  
"You will die…" Hitomi whispered nonchalantly.  
  
"Oh, that's nice… See Allen, we're going to die! Isn't that wonderful?"  
  
"Oh yeah… Peachy…" Allen massaged his forehead in frustration.  
  
"Hey Gatty! I believe you owe me 75 Gidaru!" Migel wandered off to look for the Pixie.  
  
"Well, it's obvious, we should get married right away!" Millerna was overcome by happiness.  
  
"Can anyone here perform marriages?"  
  
"THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!" Allen screamed in defiance.  
  
"As a matter of fact I can! Besides being an Alchemist, I also happen to be a Minister." Dornkirk appeared out of nowhere, lugging a huge wooden cross.  
  
"Oh Allen! Heaven is smiling down upon us!" Millerna looked skyward.  
  
Allen looked upward in self-pity.  
  
"I am cursed…"  
  
He suddenly thought of something to hold off if not prevent the wedding.  
  
"But Mille-chan, you have no wedding dress, you can't get married without a wedding dress!"  
  
"I suppose not…" Millerna looked thoughtful.  
  
"Oh, don't worry Millerna! I'm sure I can find one!" Hitomi dug around in her duffel bag, and pulled out Millerna's wedding dress from when she married Dryden.  
  
"How'd you get a hold of that?" Allen asked dejectedly.  
  
"Oh, Millerna had it repaired and she forgot it after the wedding, so the seamstress asked me to give it to her. But you know there's so many things in here that I have a hard time keeping track of stuff. Like just the other day, I lost Van's brownies."  
  
"YOU LOST MY BROWNIES?!" Van shrieked in horror.  
  
"I didn't 'lose' them Van, I 'misplaced' them!" Hitomi insisted.  
  
"But, Millerna, we can't get married without rings!" Allen desperately tried to alter his fate.  
  
"No, I guess not…" Millerna was quite depressed.  
  
"I might be able to assist you Princess…" Moleman crawled out from under a table.  
  
"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!" Merle shrieked.  
  
Moleman ignored her question and held out two rings in his grubby palm.  
  
"Here you are."  
  
"Wherever did you find these Mr. Mole?" Millerna asked in curiosity.  
  
"Well, when Dryden gave you his ring and you left yours on your dresser, I couldn't resist…" He excused himself abruptly, crawling into an air duct.  
  
"That was weird." Van commented.  
  
"You said it Van-sama." Merle hugged her lord in agreement.  
  
"Well, I see no reason to hold up the wedding any longer, so let's get these too hitched." Dornkirk said.  
  
"Oh, I'm so excited!" Millerna squealed as she dragged Allen up to the altar.  
  
"I forget most of the ceremony, so we'll skip to the good part…" Dorkirk muttered uninterested.  
  
"Sir Allen, do you take Princess Millerna to be your lawfully wedded wife for as long as you both shall live?"  
  
"Of course n-…" Millerna stomped on his foot and he howled in pain.  
  
"I'll take that as a 'yes.'"  
  
"And do you, Princess Millerna, take Sir Allen to be your lawfully wedded husband for as long as you both shall live?"  
  
"I do!" Millerna shrieked in happiness. Allen sensed his eminent doom.  
  
"Blah Blah Blah… If anyone has any reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace…"  
  
"I OBJECT!" Everyone turned in interest to see who interrupted Allen's doom. The Hippie had landed.  
  
"DRYDEN?!" Millerna screamed in horror.  
  
"Yes, Millerna, my love, I have come to stop you from ruining Allen's life… I mean, from ruining YOUR life…" Dryden calmly explained.  
  
"So, why do you OBJECT…? This was just getting good…" Dornkirk commented.  
  
"Because Millerna is still MY wife…" Dryden protested.  
  
"WHAT?!" Everyone screamed at once, Millerna's voice the loudest.  
  
"Remember Mille, I took you to Las Vegas to apologize for ruining your life, and we both got drunk and remarried? See, I have the marriage certificate right here." He showed her an official looking scroll.  
  
"Let me get this straight… I spent half the stupid series pining for The Mystic Moon, and here you're telling me that you could have sent me back at any time?!" Hitomi hissed.  
  
"Oh yeah, I invented a Mystic Moon transport years ago… It comes in handy sometimes… I forgot about it, sorry 'bout that…" Hitomi was speechless with rage.  
  
"Well, I guess the wedding's off." Dornkirk stated the obvious.  
  
"I guess so!" Allen tried to hide his ecstasy.  
  
"Oh yeah, weren't we supposed to go out for Mischief Night?" Dilandau asked, noting it was 2:00 AM.  
  
"Oh well, it didn't sound like much fun to me anyways…" Van muttered.  
  
"Let's just TP Dornkirk…"  
  
"Or better yet… Let's BURN Dornkirk!" Dilandau cackled lighting the old man's beard on fire with his flame-thrower.  
  
"AUGH! I'M TOO ME TO DIE!" Dornkirk shrieked as his beard went up in flames.  
  
"That's more like it…" Dilly said as he was amused by watching his 'Lord' run back and fourth across the room in terror, trying to smother the flames.  
  
A/N: Well, I hope you guys liked it! No more school! YAY! Review and the next chapter will come up soon! I'd like 55 reviews please! Thanks! ^_^  
  
~Trunks Gal~ 


	14. Chaos at the Concert

Disclaimer: 

Do you know, the Bandai dudes?

The Bandai dudes? The Bandai dudes?

Do you know the Bandai Dudes who lives so far away?

Well, they own Esca, and I don't!

And I don't… And I don't…

Do you know the Bandai Dudes who own Esca instead of me?

****

Note: I had references or mentioned or used the following shows/songs/characters/movies/etc… besides Escaflowne in this fic that I do not own and I do not claim to own. Don't sue me, I am broke.

"The Muffin Man"

The Wizard of Oz

Elmer Fudd

Survivor

Veggie Tales

Legally Blonde

Mary Poppins

The Little Mermaid

Beauty and the Beast

Peter Pan

The Grinch

Blue's Clues

Hey Arnold

Invader Zim

The Rapping Wolfmen (Belongs to my friend Fontina Blu Cent who gave me the Okay!)

"Never had a Dream Come True"- Sclub 7

"He Loves U Not"- Dream

"Just Communication"- Gundam Wing

Gundam Wing

Trowa (I LOVE YOU! ^^;)

"Dilemma"- Nelly and Kelly

Nelly

"Understanding the Van Language"- A hilarious fic at http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=374255

"Underneath Your Clothes"- Shakira

"Alive but Dead"- Rage

"Hot in Herre"- Nelly

The Country Bears (Now playing in theaters from Disney… YUCK!)

"Get a Clue"- Simon and Milo

"Hooray for Random Plotless Fics"- Fontina Blu Cent (The alternate Esca cast is from her fic, READ IT at http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=817730 )

Vanessa Carlton
    
    "Ordinary Day"- Vanessa Carlton
    "War and Peace"
    Washu- Tenchi Muyo (But in this case, my good friend Jessica Fong! ^_^)
    The Vision of Escaflowne (DUH!)

****

FICS YOU SHOULD READ!!!
    
    The Esca Crew Visits THE BEACH- nagi-chan
    A hilarious fic about a beach, a vulture, a marshmallow, and some teardrop tattoos… You don't want to miss it…
    Hooray for Random Plotless Fics- Fontina Blu Cent
    This fic is so funny! Like mine, it bashes everything from movies, to Herbal Essences, to TV shows, to degrading the mega-cool Esca characters… Beware the Country Bears and hang on for a ride you're unlikely to forget anytime soon… (Also check out "Millerna and Hippie")
    Tenkuu no Ryuugekitai- I adore this fic… It's a Dragonslayer and Dilandau fic. What if Migel survived Zongi's assassination attempt? What if Gatti fell in love? What if the Fanels were not the only ones with wings?
    Other Good authors include:
    NekuraTak
    Kiddi Chi
    Lovely Videl – Kaliko Rosa
    Ztarlight
    Fanilia
    Dilandau's girl
    Phantom Angel
    NariaandEriya
    Baby-chan

A/N: Hiya folks! ^_^ This is Trunks Gal, the long-lost author of this slightly odd fic… 

Dilandau: That's putting it lightly…

Author: HEY! WAIT UNTIL I START THE STUPID CHAPTER!

Dilandau: Whatever… * Goes off to burn things *

Author: Anime characters… They don't listen… * Sigh * 

Anyways, I am soooooooo sorry I haven't updated this more! I have so many fics going on and I keep going on vacations and I just keep putting these fics off longer and longer… But I must admit that there is no good excuse that I haven't added to this since May 27… Anyways, I have a delicious idea for the next part of this fic because this is the end of our Halloween edition… (It began in November! ^_^;) Knowing how "quickly" I update this, I may only be able to come up with 1-2 different sections a year… Which is REALLY pathetic, but oh well… I hope some of you are still around to read this… Enjoy! Read and review! I WANT 60 REVIEWS!!!

Chapter 14: Chaos at the Concert

Dilandau and the rest of the cast watched as Dornkirk ran around shrieking. 

"INTRODUCING, THE FLAMING BEARD!" Dilandau announced.

"We should sell tickets!"

"Well, that was fun…" Folken commented, dumping a bucket of ice water on the Emperor's head. He then ran around howling because his head was frozen. Nobody really cared and quickly ignored him.

"Well! Time to go trick-or-treating!" Hitomi beamed at them as the cast sweatdropped.

"Uh… Hitomi, babe… We can't leave now… It's 2 AM…" Van tried to explain the wonder of the watch.

"Uh! Nope! The almighty author told me it's time to leave!"

"Yes!" The author's voice boomed and the kitties hid. Merle in Van's shirt and Naria and Eriya under Folken's-cool-sorceror-robe-thingy™!

"IT IS I! THE GREAT AND POWERFUL AUTHOR! YOU ARE ALL AT MY MERCY! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" * Hack! Hack! Cough! Cough! Wheeze… *

"HERE! TAKE DORNKIRK! NOBODY LIKES HIM ANYWAY!" Dilly pleaded.

"AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT… STOP CALLING ME DILLY!"

"Aww… But it sounds so **CUTE**!" The author smiled brightly as flowers rained down on the unfortunate characters who looked completely bewildered. A furry white bunny rubbed against Dilandau's leg.

  
"AUGH! FURRY WHITE THING! A DEMON OF THE UNDERWORLD! BURN FURRY BLOB! BURN!" Dilandau whipped out his flame-thrower and the bunny went up in flames.

"NO! BUNNY!" The author shrieked as it began to rain directly over the flaming rodent. The bunny miraculously survived and promptly hopped over to Dilandau and bit his hand before scampering away.

"You wascally wabbit!" Dilandau shrieked, chasing after it.

"OH NO! DILLY'S BEEN POSESSED BY ELMER FUDD! DON'T WORRY DILLY! I'LL SAVE YOU!" Hitomi screamed, running over to Dilly and jumping on top of him, knocking his flat.

"And how exactly did that help?" Dilandau asked coolly. 

"I dunno!" She grinned.

"Hitomi…" He muttered as she crushed him.

"Diet time!"

"Are you saying that I'm f-fat?" Hitomi whispered in horror and disbelief.

"Heck, I'd rather have a walrus fall on me!" Hitomi rolled away and a blubbery sea creature did indeed fall on Dilly.

"Then again… Maybe not…" Dilandau muttered, attempting to get it off him.

"A little help here… Please?!" Dilly begged.

"Say I'm not fat!" Hitomi demanded.

"You're gargantuan, who cares! JUST GET IT OFF ME!"

Hitomi turned away from the screen and acted as though she were in a commercial.

"Pyros told me I was fat. I didn't know what to do. Then, I went to Dorny's Dieting Center!"

"Here at the weird dieting-center-thing, I got in shape again, by following**, THE DORNY DIET**!"

"The what?" A small boy, we'll call him Timmy since I don't like that name, asked stupidly.

"**The Dorny Diet**, you moron!" Hitomi said in disgust.

"Gosh oh golly gee Hitomi! What **is** the Dorny diet?" Timmy asked in confusion.

"Well Timmy, to answer your question, we'll go to the diet's creator himself, **DORNY**!" Dornkirk walked out, looking hideous and old as usual.

"You see, before Dorny created the Dorny diet, he was unpopular and ugly and old! Let's see how Dorny changed all that…"

"Well, I spent 10 years looking out a weird-telescope-looking-thing saying, "I see it! I see it! I see our ideal future!" This continued for quite some time and I eventually forgot about eating, sleeping, and getting up to use the restroom…"

"EWWWWWW!" Timmy shrieked.

"Umm… That's a little more information than we needed, but thanks Dorny…" Hitomi said nervously.

"So, Timmy, do you see the difference?"

"**IS **THERE A DIFFERENCE?! HE'S **STILL** UNPOPULAR, UGLY, AND OLD! AND **BESIDES**, HOW DOES **DIETING** HELP **ANY **OF THOSE THINGS?! THIS THING'S SCREWED!" 

"That's enough out of **you** Timmy, but thanks for being on the show!" She pressed a button and he fell through a trap door in the floor.

She held up a sign: **AFTER THE DORNY DIET…**

Millerna sat in a lawn chair with Van, Allen, Folken, and Dryden waiting on her hand and foot.

"More lemonade, my dear?" Dryden asked, bowing before her.

"Yes please, make it a double!" The annoying blonde giggled.

"THANKS DORNY DIET!" She gave the screen a thumb's up.

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEONE GET THIS WALRUS OFF ME!" Dilandau screamed.

The commercial-like-thing then ended.

"That was weird…" Van commented.

  
"Hey, it was all Hitomi's idea, I just went along with it cuz she gave me a pretty new pink bow!" Millerna beamed and everybody sweatdropped.

"YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME!" The author whined. 

"Anyways, back to where we were…"

"DILANDAU! YOU ARE DOOM-ED!" The face boomed, cackling.

"WAIT! I'VE SEEN THIS MOVIE!" Hitomi piped up.

"What was it called? Attack of the Killer Walrus?" Dilandau muttered, nursing his bunny wound.

Hitomi ignored the pyro and ran over to the mysterious-booth-that-came-out-of-nowhere™. She pulled back the-curtain-of-doom™ and there was a stack of bunnies and a microphone that a very fat bunny was speaking into.

"Shoo! You!" Hitomi kicked the bunnies away.

"Hey! I just made a rhyme! Shoo! You!" She giggled at her cleverness. She then noticed the teenage girl with dark blonde hair gagged and tied up where the bunnies had been.

  
MPH! MPH! MPH! MPH!" The author shouted through the gag.

"You… lost your shoe?" Hitomi guessed, sweatdropping.

"MPH! MPH! MPH! MPH!"

"Turn blue?"

"MPH! MPH! MPH! MPH!"

"What's wrong with you?"

"Oh, I give up! I can't understand what you're saying!" Hitomi pouted, walking over and removing the gag.

"I'M THE AUTHOR YOU *%#@*!"

"Oh my!" Hitomi covered hr mouth in astonishment.

"There goes our PG rating!" Van mumbled.

"YOU OWE ME A SODA!" A Washu popped up, before dashing away.

"YOU IDIOT! UNTIE ME!" The blonde continued shrieking.

"Oh, should I?" She asked the others in confusion.

"I liked her better with the gag…" Folkie muttered.

Dilandau walked over, smirking dangerously.

"So **YOU'RE** the annoying author! I've been waiting to meet you for a **looooooooooong **time…"

"14 CHAPTERS TO BE EXACT!" Chesta added, smiling widely.

"Shut up!" Dilandau growled as the blonde slayer ran away.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CHESTA! I LOVE YOU CHESTA!" The author shrieked after the cute slayer. She then remembered that she wasn't in the world's safest situation and remembered Dilly's hostility…

"Uh… Did I say I was the author! Heh Heh! I didn't mean that at all! I'm Hitomi's third cousin four times removed!"

"I've never seen you before in my life…" Hitomi stated in puzzlement.

"Uh… That's because I've been removed so many times!" The author grinned.

"Oh! Okay!" Hitomi smiled back and untied her. The blonde scrambled up and everyone noticed that she was several inches shorter than them.

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!" The author screamed in fury.

"Oh, nothing, nothing…" Van murmured innocently.

"Whatever… Umm, yeah, anyways!" The author twitched her hand and it was 6 PM. She smiled and everybody stared.

"So, what was with all the bunnies?" Van scratched his head in puzzlement.

"Oh… They want the next story to be about Easter, but I told them that it couldn't be because ---------------"

"Because ---------------?" Van asked in confusion.

"Sorry Van-chan, you gotta wait till the end of the chapter to find out!" The author winked at him.

"The bunnies just got a little out of hand…"

"Well, based on the number of bunnies there were, and their rate of reproduction… BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH…"

The characters were bored as Dryden babbled.

__

That Dorny Diet must have helped… Hitomi looks younger… Van thought to himself, oblivious to the fact that dieting isn't supposed to make you look younger.

__

MUST BURN AUTHOR! Dilly told himself, stroking his flame-thrower thoughtfully.

__

I wonder how I got in this fic to begin with… Dryden pondered.

__

I like yarn! Naria and Eriya both thought silently.

__

I wonder if my hair looks good… Allen worried.

__

WHY DOES DRYDEN HAVE TO BE HERE?! BOO HOO! HOW SHALL I EVER MARRY MY HANDSOME MOOSE? I MEAN… PRINCE! Millerna griped.

__

I see it… I see that Dryden's psychobabble shall never end! Dornkirk silently triumphed.

__

I wonder if I could break my million bonks record? Folkie pondered.

__

Hitomi better keep her hands off Lord Van! He's MINE!!! Merle screamed inwardly.

__

Does this skirt make me look fat? Hitomi wondered, not seeming to realize that she was not at all fat.

"BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! Well, I guess I should stop saying 'Blah' now!" Dryden adjusted his glasses and everyone looked up.

"I VOTE DRYDEN OFF THE ISLAND!" Millerna shrieked.

The author sweatdropped.

"Sorry Princess… That's another fic…"  


"Oh, alright!" The princess beamed.

"Anyways… It is now nighttime, October 31! Happy Halloween!" The author dashed out, leaving the characters more confused and bewildered than usual.

"Okay…" Folkie sweatdropped.

"Let's go!" Hitomi shrieked.

(A/N: "Igo!" If you're a Washu… ^_^)

The costumed characters reluctantly followed. She led them right off the deck of the Vione and they all plummeted through the air.

  
"FLY!" She shrieked.

"HTIOMI! YOU MORON! NOT ALL OF US HAVE WINGS!" Dilandau shrieked in terror.

"OH VAN!!!" She shrieked in impatience.

"Oh yeah… RIGHT!" Van swooped down and caught her.

"LATER!" She giggled as they prepared for reentry.

Everybody except Folken, Van, and Hitomi, was on their own. 

"Well sister, I suppose we should write out our wills..." Naria commented as the kitties plunged.

"Yes. Let's!" Eriya agreed happily, pulling out a notebook and "The Vision of Escaflowne" pen she had swiped from Van.

"Well, I'll leave, my yarnball collection to Folken, my hair dye to Millerna... That hair is sooooooooo fake... Dilandau can have our candles; he'll enjoy that... Umm... Dornkirk can have umm... all the air in our room! Yeah! That's it! And I don't feel like leaving the rest of them anything... That Merle-kid's annoying... I swear, she's trying to work over Lord Folken... Anything else Naria?"

"Hitomi is my special friend! She may have my Veggie Tales tapes!" Naria beamed, despite the fact they were soon to splatter upon the ground below.

"Folken-sama can have my life-sized replica of Bob, I suppose. Only **HE'D** appreciate it!" Eriya declared.

"Oh yes, and I'll give him my body to experiment on for the good of science!"

"Oh no you don't... I know what you're up to, Missy, and it isn't going to work!" Naria hissed.

"And just what might that be, Naria?" Eriya asked smugly.

"Oh, you know what you're up to Eriya! You're trying to take Folken away from me!"

"As far as I know, he wasn't yours to begin with my **dear** sister..." Eriya said, innocently.

"I'm older!"

"By two minutes!"

"He knows me better!"

"I didn't see **you** in a liplock with him!" Eriya pointed out.

"That was a coin toss! It was **far** from **HIS** decision!"

"Well, I didn't notice him cursing and asking you to fill-in instead, Naria..."

"Well... I... Hmph..." Naria crossed her arms over her chest, pouting, knowing she'd been beaten once again.

"Got you Naria!" Eriya smirked triumphantly.

"I guess... Oh well, when our guts are splattered against the rocks below, it won't make much difference..." Naria reasoned.

"Betcha **MY** guts will land closer to Folken!" Eriya taunted.

"YOU'RE ON!" Naria growled, as they fought for air position. Just then, Folken caught them both by the scruff of the neck and they argued over who was having more circulation cut off.

_ _

Meanwhile...

"OH ALLEN-POO! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Millerna shrieked as they fell through the air.

"WILL YOU STOP YELLING IN MY EAR?! JEEZ!" Allen shouted back.

"Oh, I'm sorry, it's just that... OH ALLEN! I'M **TOO CUTE** TOO DIE! WAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Oh well, at least the living beard and the hippie are doomed too..."

"Not necessarily, my moose-like friend!" Dryden called out as he glided by. His robes were fanned out and being that he was quite skinny, he floated with ease.

"LOOK MILLERNA! I CAN DO A BARREL ROLL!" Dryden spun around and around in mid-air and Millerna clapped in excitement.

"Mille-chan, come with me! I'll get you down safely! He's too fat to float!"

"I'll have you know I'm just big-boned!" Allen said somewhat whimpishly.

"I'm sorry Dryden, but I must die beside by one true love!" Millerna proclaimed dramatically, clinging to the helpless Allen.

"You'll wreck your shoes..." Dryden said innocently.

"Then again, I've always wanted to fly! Bye Allen!" Millerna let go of him and glided off with the hippie.

"Well, at least the beard's doomed too..." Allen consoled himself.

"I wouldn't say just that!" Dornkirk cried out. Allen's eyes bugged out. Dornkirk was dressed like Mary Poppins, in a black dress and clicky black boots, and he even had an umbrella as he floated down.

"Why are you dressed like a woman?!" Allen shrieked.

"Why do you **look** like a woman?" Dornkirk asked. (A/N: That one's for all the Allen haters out there...)

"THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS MY BOY!"

"THAT'S NOT IN MARY POPPINS! I SHOULD KNOW! I... I mean, **SELENA**, loves that movie!"

"Don't blame me kid, the author wouldn't know "Beauty and the Beast" from "The Little Mermaid"! Toodles!" He then floated off, before landing on the ground below.

"THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS!" Allen commanded himself.

"MILLERNA'S NOT HERE! THAT'S A HAPPY THOUGHT!" Before he knew it, he was soaring through the sky like that annoying Peter Pan. A pesky little fairy joined him, and he felt intruded upon.

"Buzz off Tinkerbell, I'm working this side of the street!" He flicked the fairy away as she shrieked. Allen then crashed into a rather large tree and painfully slid to the ground.

Soon, everyone had somehow gotten safely to the ground. The slayers had decided not to come for some reason or another.

(A/N: Hey Dilly, how'd you get down?)

"I don't know, **YOU'RE **the one writing it, moron!" Dilly called up in annoyance.

Well, everyone was safe, _except Merle..._

"AUGH! SAVE ME LORD VAN! SAVE ME!" She shrieked as she fell.

  
"Should I save her?" Van asked them.

"NAH!" The cast replied, having taken a dislike to the catgirl.

"AUGH! I'M GONNA DIE! I'M GONNA THROW UP AND THEN I'M GONNA DIE!" Merle screamed. Suddenly, she stopped moving. She opened her eyes to notice she was perfectly upright and unharmed.

"I guess cats **do **always land on their feet!" She commented, as everyone fell over anime-style.

~*~*~*~*~*~

None of the Esca cast except Hitomi had ever had Halloween before, so she chose to demonstrate.

  
"You go girl!" Van cheered her on as she walked up to the house.

She rang the doorbell and an ancient woman stepped out, shaking from her many nerve disorders.

"Yes, what do you want?" 

"Trick or treat?" Hitomi asked sweetly, holding out her duffel bag.

"Oh, what an adorable PBS creature..." The old woman commented, noting her Telly Tubby costume. (A/N: Right... -_-;)

"Oh, is it Halloween already? I'm sorry dear, I'm getting old. I don't have any candy, but..." She reached in a bucket and pulled out a brightly colored package.

"Here's some sugar-free gum, g'night dear..." She then hobbled back inside, slamming the door behind her.

Hitomi's lip trembled as she shook.

"Hiotmi?" Van asked in concern.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Hitomi shrieked, leaping into his arms.

"SATOU! IIE SATOU!"

"Huh?" Van asked in confusion.

(A/N: The author sighs and pulls out her dictionary.

"She said, 'SUGAR! NO SUGAR!')

"Ahh... Arigatou gozaimasu!" Van grinned, remembering one phrase.

"BUT I WANT CANDY!" Hitomi shrieked.

"Dilly, avenge my sugar-wooger-there's-a-booger-bear!" Van pleaded.

"Before she breaks our eardrums..." He whispered so she couldn't hear.

"Only if you stop calling me Dilly!" Dilandau shrieked.

"OKAY! OKAY! JUST GET TO IT! IT HURTS!" Van agreed as Hitomi continued wailing.

"Whatever..." Dilandau muttered, trudging up to the front door and banding on it mercilessly.

"TRICK OR TREAT?" He sneered at the old lady.

"My goodness! That little girl was just here and I... Oh never mind... Sugar-free gum, sonny?"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Dilly roared, causing the woman to step back in alarm as he whipped out his handy-dandy...

Bunch of weird little "Blue's Clues" kids: "NOTEBOOK!"

(A/N: "Ah, WRONGO!")

Bunch of weird little "Blue's Clues" kids: Awwwwww... * Trudge away *

Anyhoo, so Dilly pulled out his flame-thrower.

"OH MY!" The senile old woman shrieked.

"Here sonny! PLEASE! Take my credit cards and here's my life savings and my cat!" She thrust them into his arms.

"I want candy..." He snarled.

"Oh, of course! Here ya go!" She thew him a five-pound bag and he staggered out with his newly acquired items.

"You have a nice day now, Sonny-boy!" The lady pleaded, running in to call the police.

"Nobody calls me 'Sonny-boy' and gets away with it..." He murmured, lighting the house on fire and cackling.

"Aw! Dilly! That wasn't very nice! You burned Mrs. I'm-a-Nice-Lady's house down!" Millerna protested. Everyone looked at her strangely... As usual...

"Mrs. I'm-a-Nice-Lady?" Dryden asked skeptically.

"Good thing I didn't marry you for brains, Mille-chan..."

"Aw! Dryden! That was really mean!" Hitiomi commented in annoyance.

"You tell 'em sister! Praise the Lord, Hallelujah!" Millerna shrieked. Everyone sweatdropped in her direction.

"WHAT?!" She demanded in fury.

"Oh well! Dilly brought candy, so who cares!" Hitomi giggled in glee. She ran over to get it to find Mrs. I'm-a-Nice-Lady's cat dozing upon it.

"COME OFF IN FURBALL!" She shrieked, knocking the kitty to the ground and shoving the wrapper-covered candy into her mouth to everyone's disgust.

"Tell me again, **WHY** she's such a great girlfriend?" Folken asked Van sarcastically.

"She's a great kisser..." Van muttered in embarrassment.

"I can vouch for that!" Allen piped up.

  
"SHOVE IT MOOSE!" Van yelled, slamming the blonde into the ground.

"Easy squeezy lemon peazy..." Allen muttered, before blanking out.

Dilly became enraptured with Mrs. I'm-a-Nice-Lady's kitty and stroked in thoughtfully.

"I shall name you Mr. Yum Yum!" Dilly grinned.

"You shall be my bestest friend!" He hugged the snarling cat.

Kodak Guy: "Aww... It's a Kodak moment!" He snapped a photo, temporarily blinding the feline and pyro who growled indignantly, flaming the camera and the Kodak guy.

"As I was saying..." Dilly continued.

"I'll make waffles!" He beamed before the kitty scratched him across the face.

"You don't **LIKE** waffles?" Dilly asked in disbelief as Mr. Yum Yum hissed at him.

As Mrs. I'm-a-Nice-Lady's house was burned to the ground and the Esca cast gobbled down candy like there was no tomorrow, the author beamed down and began shaking with fury.

"YOU IDIOTS! WHY'D YOU HAVE TO GO AND PULL SOME BIRD-BRAINED STUNT LIKE THIS?!"

"SUGAR!" Hitomi beamed.

"Ugh... Why did I even ask?" The author wondered aloud.

"Well, since the police will be after you and you **OBVIOUSLY** can't handle a little fun **OUTSIDE**, I guess you'll have to go **INSIDE**..."

"Why don't you just end the chapter?" Dilly asked in annoyance.

"Not long enough! And besides, I have EVIL plans for you guys!" The author grinned wickedly, and with a wave of her hands, they were in a stadium in some place.

"Where are we?" Van asked.

"Well, based on my studies, I'd say we were in a stadium in some place." Dryden replied, as the sweatdropping author disappeared.

"HELLO SOME PLACE!" The announcer screamed to the shrieking crowd.

"TONIGHT, WE HAVE WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!"

"REALLY?!" The crowd yelled back.

"I've been waiting for that new toaster oven I ordered!" A random man responded.

"WELL, TOO BAD! THIS IS **NOT**, MAY I REPEAT, **NOT**, A TOASTER OVEN!"

"OH!" The crowd replied dejectedly.

"Well that sucks..." A random man commented.

"BUT IT'S THE NEXT BEST THING! I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE CLAW, FANG, AND..." Thousands of fangirls held their breath in anticipation.  
"RHUM! AND TOGETHER THEY FORM..."

"THE RAPPING WOLFMEN!" The crowd shrieked in hyperness.

"WRONGO!" The crowd went silent and the chirping crickets seemed very loud.

"JUST KIDDING!"

"OH! OKAY!" The crowd replied, cheering loudly again.

"Yo Yo Yo! Word up my peeps! Before the show tonight, we're gonna have karaoke and a surprise opening act!"

"So if any of y'all want to come up and sing, then the wolfmen say be our guest! Word!" 

Ruhm and the others left to the disapproval of the fangirls who began to weep. The Esca cast smiled in a dangerous way before lining up, the only ones willing to volunteer.

The order was as followed:

Van

Merle

Dilandau

Dryden

Hitomi

Millerna

Folken

Dornkirk

Naria and Eriya

Allen

Van stepped up to the microphone and Ruhm's girls oohed and ahhed over the kawaii bishonen to Hitomi's rage as she hissed.

"Everybody's got something, they had to leave behind,  
One regret from yesterday, that just seems to grow with time,  
There's no use looking back, oh wondering,   
How it could be now, oh might have been,  
Oh this I know, but still I can't find ways to let you go...  
  
I never had a dream come true  
Till the day that I found you  
Even though I pretend that I've moved on  
You'll always be my baby,  
I never found the words to say   
You're the one I think about each day  
And I know no matter where life takes me to  
A part of me will always be with you.  
  
Somewhere in my memory I've lost all sense of time,  
And tomorrow can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind,  
There's no use looking back, oh wondering,  
How it should be now, oh might have been,  
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go..." Suddenly, the announcer came out and pulled Van off the stage because this could last all day.

"Oh Van-chan, you're sooooooooooo romantic!" Hitomi squeaked, kissing him as Merle pulled him onto the stage, dragging Hitomi along with him and commencing in a tug-of war battle.

Hitomi commenced in a song that technically was supposed to be Merle's but the audience didn't really care enjoying the cat fight (no pun intended) on stage.

"Give it all you got girl   
Give it all you got  
You can take your chance  
And take your best shot   
Say what you want girl  
Do what you do  
He's never gonna, gonna make it with you   
  
Pulling petals off a flower   
Trying to get your way   
Keep pulling till it says what you want it to say  
Girl you can pick a field of daisies  
But he'd still be my baby  
  
I know you can hardly wait till I'm away from him   
Instinctively I know what you're thinking  
You'll be giving him an open invitation  
But my baby won't be taking in, no  
  
You can pout your cherry lips  
Or tempt him with a sweet kiss  
You can flut your pretty eyes   
He ain't got his hands tied   
  
No chains to unlock  
So free to do what he wants  
He's into what he's got  
He loves me, he loves you not  
No matter what you do  
He's never going be with you  
He's into what he's got  
He loves me, He loves you not  
  
You're the kind of girl who always up for do or dare  
Only want him because he's there  
Always looking for a new ride  
The grass is greener on the other side  
You're the kind of girl who's not use to hearing no  
All your lovers try to take you where you wanna go  
doesn't matter how hard you try  
Never gonna get with my guy  
  
No chains to unlock  
So free to do what he wants  
He's into what he's got  
He loves me, he loves you not  
No matter what you do  
He's never going be with you  
He's into what he's got  
He loves me, He loves you not  
  
Doesn't matter what you do  
He's never going to be with you  
Give it all girl, Give it all you got   
Take a chance, and take your best shot  
Say what you want girl  
Do what you do  
He's never gonna make it with you   
  
You can pout your cherry lips  
Or try to tempt him with a sweet kiss  
You can flut your pretty eyes   
He ain't got his hands tied  
  
No chains to unlock  
So free to do what he wants  
He's into what he's got  
He loves me, he loves you not  
No matter what you do  
He's never going be with you  
He's into what he's got  
He loves me, He loves you not..."

"WANNA BET DITZ?!" Merle shrieked.

"LADIES! PLEASE!" Van pleaded as his bones snapped. He was then promptly dropped, nobody really knew **why**; it just seemed like the thing to do at the time.

Dilly's turn eventually came, much to the dread of the cast and the author.  
"If you criticize my song, you shall **BURN**!" Dilly shrieked. This quickly got the audience's attention and everyone sat in silence.

"Just wild beat communication  
Ame ni utare na gara  
Iroasenai atsui omoi  
Karada jyuu de tsutaetai yo tonight!  
  
Nureta sono kata wo atatameru you ni daita  
Furueteru yubisaiki ha nani wo motomesama you no  
Togire togire demo tsutaete hoshii itami wo  
Sameta furi suru koto de otona ni nante narenai  
  
Anata no manazashi momoritai  
Kanashimi tsuyosa ni kaeru ai wo shinjite  
  
Just wild beat communication  
Nani mo osorenaide  
Kanjiaeru toshikana ima dare ni mo ubaenai kara  
Just wild beat communication  
Ame ni utare na gara  
Iroasenai atsui omoi  
Karada jyuu de tsutaetai yo tonight!  
  
Tooi yoake made yori sotte sugoshitai yo  
Nani mo ka mo nakushitemo yasashisa dake na kusazuni  
Kotoba yori Kiss de tagai no kodou kanjite  
Jyou netsu wo hiki yo seru isshun dakedo ei en…  
  
Setsunaku hageshiku mitsumetai  
Nakitai kurai ni anata dake ga itoshii  
  
Just wild beat communication  
Nani mo yuzura naide  
Wakari aeru hito ga ireba  
Tatakau koto dekiru kara  
Just wild beat communication  
Ai wo hanasa naide  
Afure dashita atsui sugao  
Motsureta mune toki hanatte tonight!  
  
Just wild beat communication  
Nani mo osorenaide  
Kanjiaeru toshikana ima dare ni mo ubaenai kara  
Just wild beat communication  
Ame ni utare na gara  
Iroasenai atsui omoi  
Karada jyuu de tsutaetai yo tonight!"

"What the heck was **THAT** about?" Van demanded in annoyance.

"Hey, I sing it after all!" Dilly commented, turning his back to Fanelia's king.

(A/N: I remember I read on a Dilandau site that the woman that voices Dilandau in Japanese is the same lady who sings "Just Communication" for Gundam Wing. I have no idea if I got this right... I'm not a HUGE GW fan, although I must admit it's a pretty cool anime... I love Trowa! ^^;)

Dryden sang some annoying love ballad that nobody paid much attention to, for it was much like his speeches. Long and boring. Millerna humphed in annoyance and batted her eyelashes flirtatiously at Allen who grimaced and turned away.

"How can you **BAT** you're eyelashes?" Dilly asked out of the blue.

"Does that mean you hit them with a baseball bat or something?"

(A/N: SHUT UP DILLY! OR I'LL MAKE YOU SING... * Whispers in his ear *)

"Oh god no..." Dilly paled, scampering away.

Hitomi then stepped up, Van grinning, waiting for the obvious love song she was about to perform after his sappy... I mean spirited song from earlier...

Hitomi: 

"I love and I need you   
Nelly, I love you, I do   
Need you 

No matter what I do   
All I think about is you   
Even when I'm with my Boo   
Boy, you know I'm crazy over you 

No matter what I do   
All I think about is you   
Even when I'm with my Boo   
You know I'm crazy over you!"

"WHO'S NELLY?!" Van demanded.

Suddenly, Nelly randomly fell from the sky for some reason unknown to the author and began to sing along...

Nelly:

"Uh-uh-uh-uh   
I met this chick and she just moved right up the block from me   
And she got the hots for me, the finest thing I need to see   
But oh, no, no, she got a man and a son, oh-oh, but that's okay   
'Cause I wait for my cue and just listen, play my position   
Like a shortstop, pick up e'rything mami hittin'   
And in no time I better make this friend mine and that's for sure   
'Cause I-I never been the type to break up a happy home   
But there's something 'bout baby girl, I just can't leave her 'lone   
So tell me, ma, what's it gonna be   
She said, "You don't know what you mean to me," come on..."

"HEY NOW!" Van interrupted, not liking how things were going.

Hitomi:

"No matter what I do   
All I think about is you   
Even when I'm with my Boo   
Boy, you know I'm crazy over you 

No matter what I do   
All I think about is you   
Even when I'm with my Boo   
You know I'm crazy over you!"

Nelly:

"Midwest, you're still swingin' rightUh-uh-uh-uh   
I see a lot in your look and I never say a word   
I know how n****s start actin' trippin' , and hate up all the girls   
And there's no way Nelly go for it   
Ain't f***in' with no dame, as you could see   
But I-I like your steeze, your style, your whole demeanor   
The way you come through and holler, and swoop me in his two-seater   
Now that's gangsta and I got special ways to thank ya, don't you forget it   
But it ain't that easy for you to back up and leave him   
But you and me we got ties for different reasons   
I respect that and right before I turned to leave   
She said, "You don't know what you mean to me," come on..."

"WHO'S NELLY?!" Van shrieked again.

Hitomi:

"No matter what I do   
All I think about is you   
Even when I'm with my Boo   
Boy, you know I'm crazy over you 

No matter what I do   
All I think about is you   
Even when I'm with my Boo   
You know I'm crazy over you

Sing it for me, K 

I love and I need you   
Nelly, I love you, I do   
And it's more than you'll ever know   
Boy, it's for sure   
You can always count on my love   
Forever more, yeah, yeah..."

"IT'S VAN! MY NAME IS VAN!" Van screamed in fury.

Nelly:

"East coast, I know you're shakin' right   
Down south, I know you're bouncin' right   
West coast, I know you're walkin' right   
('Cause you don't know what you mean to me)   
Midwest, I see you swingin' right..."

Hitomi:

"No matter what I do   
All I think about is you   
Even when I'm with my Boo   
Boy, you know I'm crazy over you 

No matter what I do   
All I think about is you   
Even when I'm with my Boo   
You know I'm crazy over you..."

"THAT'S IT!"

Van abruptly leaped upon Nelly, attempting to strangle him with his scrawny arms and the rapper's face turned blue.

"SUTOPPU, VAN!" Hitomi shrieked.

Van looked up from the gasping rap star.

"Come again?"

(A/N: She says, "STOP, VAN!")

"Oh, Okay..." He dropped the rap star and muttered how she needed to learn the Van language.

(A/N: For those of you who * GASP * **DON'T** know the Van language, go to http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=374255 and you shall learn something speciaful! ^_^)

"Let's do lunch sometime! K, Nelly! Love ya, buh-bye!" Hitomi called to the rap star crawling off the stage.

Van chased after him and there could be a lot of swearing could be heard for miles around.

Allen's stomach turned as Millerna took the mic, winking at him.

"You're a song  
Written by  
The hands of God  
Don't get me wrong 'cuz  
This might sound  
To you a bit odd  
But you're the place  
Where all my thoughts  
Go hiding  
And right under your clothes  
Is where I find them!"  


"Life is so cruel..." Allen muttered as Millerna continued to wink at him like something was caught in her eye.

  
"Underneath your clothes  
There's an endless story  
There's the man I chose  
There's my territory  
And of all the things  
I deserve  
For being such  
A good girl honey!"

"Good girl? Please..." Allen mumbled.

"Because of you  
I forgot the  
Smart ways to lie  
Because of you  
I'm running out of  
Reasons to cry  
When the friends are gone  
When the party's over  
We'll still belong  
To each other  
  
Underneath your clothes  
There's an endless story  
There's the man I chose  
There's my territory  
And of all the things  
I deserve  
For being such  
A good girl honey  
  
I love you more than all that's on the planet  
Movin' talkin' walkin' breathing  
You know it's true  
Oh baby it's so funny  
You almost don't believe it  
As every voice is hanging from the silence  
Lamps are hanging from the ceiling  
Like a lady tied to her manners  
I'm tied up to this feeling  
  
Underneath your clothes  
There's an endless story  
There's the man I chose  
There's my territory  
And all the things I deserve  
For being such a good girl honey  
  
Underneath your clothes  
There's an endless story  
There's the man I chose  
There's my territory  
And all the things I deserve  
For being such a good girl honey!"

"This song is dedicated to my Allen-poo! We're gonna get married as soon as I can kill... I mean, divorce Dryden! Thank you! I love you all!" This last thought disturbed the audience as the pink powderpuff skipped off the stage.

Folkie stepped up to the microphone, adjusting it about a foot higher.

"He's mocking me..." Van growled, still enraged from the Nelly encounter.

"I cannot sing. In fact, I **REFUSE** to sing..." Folkie began.

"So, I shall yodel!" He grinned and everyone sweatdropped.

"Yodel-eh-he! Yodel-eh-he! Yodel-eh-HE-HOO!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT!" Hitomi proclaimed, pulling him off the stage to everyone's applause, relieved to be free of the blue-haired yodeler.

"Aw! Van! Your stupid girlfriend cut me off before I could sing my encore!" Folken whined.

"Whatever..." Van muttered, as he began to clean his sword, rolling his eyes.

Dornkirk crawled to the mic and sang a very depressing song as follows:

"As I walk the streets I feel no pain,  
there is no love or hate, can¹t see no certain state I¹m in.  
And a hog laid itself on my heart  
like this misty morning as this cloudy day begins.  
  
Still I wonder should I be afraid  
about what¹s happening and how long has it been - don¹t know.  
Why did come this shadow in my head  
like I have lost my soul, like I¹m alive but dead.  
  
As I walk the streets I feel no fear,  
although I notice that there is no feeling anymore.  
And I try to send my mind back to the times  
when I was able to live something to the core.  
  
Dark, dark as the grave, my heart is dead,  
I¹m just a slave to what they¹ve said. (this decay)  
Still I¹m alive but I feel dead.  
Dark, dark as the grave, my heart is dead  
I¹m just a slave to when you call. (my disease)  
Still I¹m alive but I must be dead.  
  
Alive but dead  
can¹t fill my head  
  
Darkness, there¹s darkness everywhere  
You gotta help me out of here,  
I don¹t want to stay alive without the capability to feel!"

"Okay then..." Folkie muttered sweatdropping.  
"Naria and Eriya! You're up next!"

The catgirls scampered out on the stage in their vegetable costumes, earning them a lot of stares.

"HIT IT ERIYA!" Naria shrieked.

"Hit what?" Eriya asked. Naria sweatdropped.

"Oh yeah! Start the song! I knew that!" Eriya grinned, sweatdropping before twirling the mic.

"If you like to talk to tomatoes,

If a squash can make you smile,

If you like to waltz with potatoes,

up and down the produce aisle!

Then have we got a show for you!" The catgirls grinned as the audience groaned.

"Veggie Tales! Veggie Tales! Veggie Tales! Veggie Tales!"

"Broccoli! Celery! Gotta be, Veggie Tales!"

"There's never ever ever ever ever ever ever been a show like Veggie Tales!"

"Amen..." Folken mumbled.

"There's never ever ever ever ever ever ever been a show like Veggie Tales!"

"It's time for Veggie Taaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssss!" Confetti shot out from the ceiling as they smiled broadly.

"Just hang in there folks! Last song!" Folkie reassured the poor audience who just wanted to see some wolfmen rap.

"Well this is what you've been waiting for!" Allen announced, grinning.

"Oh no..." Folkie muttered.

"I PREDICT DOOM AND DREAD AND DISGUST!" Hitomi announced.

"Well that was a given..." Van mumbled as they turned to watch the show.

"Hot in.....  
So hot in herre.....  
So hot in.....

  
I was like, good gracious ass bodacious  
Flirtatcious, tryin to show patience  
Lookin for the right time to shoot my steam (you know)  
Lookin for the right time to flash them keys  
Then um I'm leavin, please believin  
Me and the rest of my heathens  
Check it, got it locked at the top of the four seasons  
Penthouse, roof top, birds I feedin  
No deceivin, nothin up my sleeve, no teasin  
I need you to get up up on the dance floor  
Give that man what he askin for  
Cuz I feel like bustin loose and I feel like touchin you  
And cant nobody stop the juice so baby tell me whats the use

  
(I said)  
Its gettin hot in here (so hot)  
So take off all your clothes!"

"I am gettin so hot, I wanna take my clothes off!" Millerna sang along to Allen's horror.

"EWWWWWWWWWWWW! PERVERT!" All the girls in the audience and the Esca gals (minus Millerna and Hitomi... -_-;) shrieked, pelting him with tomatoes and such.

"YUM!" Allen licked the tomato off his face.

"Anyways," said the announcer, clearing the cast off the stage.

"In several minutes, we shall begin the opening act..."

The Esca crew sat back down in their seats and everyone noticed that Van had popcorn.

"Oh Van, honey, give me some popcorn..." Hitomi begged the boy on her left.

"But Hitomi..." I don't have any popcorn... And how'd you get over there?" Van asked in confusion.

It was then that everyone noticed there were two of them.

"Omigosh!" The Hitomis shrieked, giggling as they jumped up and down in glee.

"Am I really that fat?" The FB Millerna asked, pointing at her counterpart.

"LIKE OMIGOD! HOW RUDE!" The alternate Millerna shrieked, attacking the FB one.

"Hey! I look good!" The Allens noticed, admiring themselves.

"Together, we can get our Vans back..." The Merles plotted, grinning devilishly.

"What the heck's going on?!" The Vans demanded.

"Hiya!" The author slid down a rope from the ceiling.

"How'd **WE **get here?!" The alternate Esca cast asked.

Suddenly, Fontina Blu Cent slid down the rope, landing besides Trunks Gal. It was a foreboding site and the Dillys and the Allens shuddered.

"SORA!" The alternate Dilly shrieked, glomping the other author.

"Anyways, we thought it would be nice if all of you guys met before... the end..." Trunks Gal spoke solemnly.

"YOU'RE ENDING OUR FIC?!" Hitomi shrieked in horror.

"Yes... You know, the funding isn't as it was..." The cast's mouths were agape in disbelief.

"PSYCH!" The author fell over laughing and the crew sent her death glares.

"Anyways, enjoy the show!"

They vanished and the announcer came back out.

"NOW... I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE... THE COUNTRY BEARS!"

The Alternate Esca crew visibly shuddered.

"What's wrong babe?" FB Van asked alternate Hitomi.

"PLAYBOY!" FB Hitomi shrieked.

"WHAT? Did somebody call me?" The Allens popped up.

Ignoring her counterpart, alternate Hitomi shivered.

"Bears... Not rustic bears... Country Bears... Field trip... Frizzle..."

"I'm afraid..." The Allens muttered as the Millernas cuddled them, they broke free and ran towards the stage.  
  
"ALLEN! COME BACK!" The Millernas shrieked.

The Millernas ran up as the Allens ran past the back-flipping bears. Suddenly, the bear flicked them and they stepped back, sobbing.

"THEY BROKE MY NAIL!" The Millernas screamed.

The preppies of the audience rose us shrieking a war cry, before attacking the bears and sending them all to the emergency room as cheers from the alternate Esca peeps ensued.

"Well umm... I guess there goes **ONE **opening act..." The announcer said nervously.  
"Everybody give it up for Simon and Milo!"

A guitar-playing blonde and a neckless, noseless, midget came out.

"I gotta tell you there is something going on now… The clothes I bought, the friend I got, my teacher had a meltdown…"

"Then I look at me, and I start to see, that something happens when I'm next to you…"

"GET A CLUE! There's nothing you can't DOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOTHING'S EVER QUITE WHAT IT SEEMS! JUST LOOK A LITTLE CLOSER AT ME! WAKE UP, IT'S ME, IT'S YOU, GET A CLUE…"

The Millernas were bewildered and began to protest.

"Oh my god… He has **NO **neck…" FB Millerna shrieked.

"And oh my gosh… What a cheap dye job!" Alternate Millerna commented, pointing at his blue hair.

The Millernas led to boos and hisses before the annoying "things" were carted away.

"SO WHO'S GONNA BE THE OPENING ACT **NOW**?!" The announcer screamed in annoyance.

(A/N: I KNOW! I KNOW! PICK ME!)

"Yes, the blonde in the sky!"

(A/N: * Waves her hands and a piano falls from the sky. A teen lands in the seat, flustered and unsure of what's going on… * )

"OMIGOSH! IT'S VANESSA CARLTON!" The announcer shrieked in excitement.

The author fell from the sky and landed by her idol.

"GIMME YOUR AUTOGRAPH! OH PLEASE! I'M YOUR #1 FAN! I HAVE "A THOUSAND MILES ON **THREE** CDS! I KNOW ALL YOUR SONGS! I…"

"Excuse me little girl, but please leave Ms. Carlton alone until **AFTER** the song…"

"**LITTLE?!**" The author shrieked in rage.

"**DIE!!!**" A blast came from her hands, frying the announcer.

"Cool!" Dilly commented, giving her the thumb's up sign.

She fumed with rage for a few minutes before plopping to the ground before the song began.
    
    "Just a day
    Just an ordinary day
    Just trying to get by
    Just a boy
    Just an ordinary boy
    But he was looking to the sky
    And as he asked if I would come along
    I started to realize
    That everyday he finds just what he's looking for
    Like a shooting star he shines and he said
    Take my hand
    Live while you can
    Don't you see your dreams are riding in the palm of your hand…"
    The couples in the audience began making out, including FB Van with alternate Hitomi.
      
    
    "GET OFF HIM YOU HUSSY!" FB Hitomi shrieked, knocking alternate Hitiomi down the stairs and taking her place with Van.
    And as he spoke he spoke ordinary words
    Although they did not fail
    Now for I felt what I have not felt before
    And you'd swear those words could heal
    And as I looked up into those eyes
    His vision borrows mine
    And to know he's no stranger
    For I feel I've held him for all of time
    And he said
    Take my hand live while you can
    Don't you see your dreams are riding in the palm of your hand
    (In the) In the palm of your hand
    (oh)
    (oh)
    The Millernas tried to get the Allens to kiss them, but the Drydens intervened. Dornkirk sat, as did the Dilandaus since Sora was nowhere nearby. The Folkens blinked in sync.
    (A/N: AUGH! *NSYNC! DDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!)
    "Please come with me
    See what I see
    Touch the stars for
    Time will not flee
    Time will not flee
    And you'll see…"
    "Let me taste Lord Folken's lips…" Naria whispered to Eriya.
    "NOT THIS AGAIN!" Eriya shrieked, running away from her sister.
    (A/N: EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW! x_x)
    "Just a dream
    Just an ordinary dream
    As I wake in bed
    And the boy, that ordinary boy
    Was it all in my head
    And he asked if I would come along
    It all seemed so real
    But as I looked to the door I saw that boy
    Standing there with that deal
    And he said take my hand
    Live while you can
    Don't you see your dreams are riding in the palm of your hand
    (In the) In the palm of your hand
    (In the) In the palm of your hand
    Just a day
    Just an ordinary day
    Just trying to get by
    Just a boy
    Just an ordinary boy
    But he was looking to the sky…"

  
The prettiful song ended and Vanessa disappeared, **BEFORE **the author could get her autograph. Tragedy had struck once again.

The show began and the Merles started shrieking in glee for the love of Ruhm, as did the Millernas, against the Drydens' approval.

It was just then that the police cars drove up and carted the cast away, Hitomi shrieking "I DEMAND TO HEAR MY RIGHTS!"

  
The Millernas and Millernas screamed, "RUHM! SAVE US!" But their cries were drowned out by the crowd.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"You strange Esca people, are under arrest for the intentional burning of Mrs. I'm-a-Nice-Lady's house and the death…" He paused, wiping away a tear and sniffling.

"… of Mrs. I'm-a-Nice-Lady, herself… You are sentenced to a lifetime in jail… TOODLES!" The policeman ran away.

Everyone gave FB Millerna an accusing look.

"WHAT?!" She shrieked.

"BUT ALLEN! I LOOK FAT IN STRIPES!" The Millernas whined in the jail cell.

"You always look fat…" The Allens muttered.

"Marry me Hitomi?" Van asked out of the blue.

"Why not, I'll chip our rings out of this wall!" Hitomi got a chisel and began to hammer.

Folken bonked his head along with the other Folken and the Drydens caught up on some light reading. "War and Peace" to be exact. After a few hours and a lot of chiseling, the police-dude released them.

"You have these ladies to thank…" He muttered about painkillers and retirement in two years as they stepped out.

"SORA! I **KNEW** YOU'D SAVE ME!" Alternate Dilly shrieked in glee.

"HEY! What's with Dilly?"

"Don't get her started…" FB Dilly murmured.

"Anyways you guys really screwed up! We had to bail you out with green donuts and cookies and now Katie and I shall die from sugar-deprivation!" Trunks Gal screamed in frustration. The other cast and Katie vanished.

"Since you idiots are now "dangerous felons," you need to be punished… So guess where **YOU'RE** going?" She handed Van a letter.

"Dr. Touchy Feelings Guy…" He then scanned his eyes on everything below and his eyes widened with horror.

"HE'S A PSYCHIATRIST!" Hitomi shrieked in horror, reading over his shoulder.

"YEP! AND YOU'RE APPOINTMENT'S RIGHT NOW!" She beamed and vanished as they appeared in Dr. Touchy Feelings Guy's office with a collective shudder.

"This won't end well…" Folkie muttered, foretelling the doom to come…

The End

(Nowhere in the near future…)

A/N: Well, that's the end of this part of the Folkie's Birthday saga… Next, we shall have the two chapter long Psychiatrist story… Beware… Our Esca characters are headed for a wild ride… I'd like 60 reviews total please! Arigatou and Sayonara! ^_^

~Trunks Gal~

  


__


	15. May the Torture Commence

Disclaimer:
    Author: I don't own Esca… : (
    Esca characters: THANK GOD!
    Author: Oh poo, you guys just don't appreciate me…
    (Don't own Nelly either… Not like I have any desire to, Dinah can **HAVE** him… *Pushes rapper at thrilled Dinah*
    

****

FICS YOU SHOULD READ!!!
    
    The Esca Crew Visits THE BEACH- nagi-chan
    A hilarious fic about a beach, a vulture, a marshmallow, strip poker, and some teardrop tattoos… You don't want to miss it…
    Hooray for Random Plotless Fics- Fontina Blu Cent
    This fic is so funny! Like mine, it bashes everything from movies, to Herbal Essences, to TV shows, to degrading the mega-cool Esca characters… Beware the Country Bears and hang on for a ride you're unlikely to forget anytime soon… (Also check out "Millerna and Hippie")
    Tenkuu no Ryuugekitai- Gatti
    I adore this fic… It's a Dragonslayer and Dilandau fic. What if Migel survived Zongi's assassination attempt? What if Gatti fell in love? What if the Fanels were not the only ones with wings?
    
    Behind the Scenes of Escaflowne- JAINK (Me and my friends… ^^;)
    If you like my fic, you'll love the one me and my friends are doing… It is soooooooooooooooo funny! Lol… Dilandau's obsessed with Gameboy… Hitomi and Van are married…? Dornkirk's played by a mop?! (That explains a lot…) Find out the shocking truth of what goes on behind the scenes… of Escaflowne…
    Other Good authors include:
    NekuraTak
    Kiddi Chi
    Lovely Videl – Kaliko Rosa
    Ztarlight
    Fanilia
    Dilandau's girl
    Phantom Angel
    NariaandEriya
    Baby-chan
    A/N: I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! With the 15th chapter of "Folkie's Birthday". Today we begin the 2 chapter long "Psychos in the Psychiatrists Office" Series… Ooh, thanks for the reviews, appreciate them! I'd like to have 65 total for the next update, k? Thanks! Now on with the show!
    Chapter 15: May the Torture Commence
    
    The Esca crew stood silently in the Psychiatrist office in a huddle, somehow the Dragonslayers had joined them.
    "HEY! THIS ISN'T FAIR! WE WEREN'T EVEN **IN** THE FREAKIN' CHAPTER! WHY ARE **WE** BEING PUNISHED?!" Dalet yelled in protest.
    "Dalet-chan… If you weren't so cute, I'd kill you…" The author said sweetly.
    Dalet sweatdropped.
    "Umm… That's good to know, I guess…"
    "Well, I'm here and I don't want to be. Let's get this over with as soon as possible!" Dilandau proclaimed, marching up to the psychiatrist's door.
    "Sonny-boy, you'll have to wait your turn!" The ugly secretary intervened.
    "Aw, to hell with you, Prune face…" Dilandau dismissed her, barging into the room.
    "You see, I talk to a monkey and other inanimate objects… I even give them degradingly obvious names and teach them little songs I come up with." The annoying little Spanish girl explained to Dr. Touchy Feelings Guy.
    "Like me!" The purple bag-like thing exclaimed.
    "BACKPACK BACKPACK BACKPACK!"
    "I'm sorry for your suffering…" Dr. Touchy Feelings Guy apologized, almost pitying the bag-like thing.
    "Please continue, Miss… What's your name again?" Asked the doctor, looking up from his doodle of the girl being eaten by a rabid monkey.
    "Dora, the explorer! Do you want to hear my theme song again?" The girl asked in glee.
    "No, no, that's **ALL RIGHT**!" The psychiatrist sweatdropped.
    "I've memorized it from the 15 times you've serenaded me with it… See?" He leaped up on his desk and began to sing the song.
    "DORA DORA DORA THE EXPLORER!" Dora jumped up to and they began to sing.
    "You can't bust in there!" The receptionist ran over to Dilly.
    "Dr. Touchy Feelings Guy is a GENIUS! He has cured millions of troubled psychopaths like yourself! He's smart, graduated top in his class, is a wonderful man and he's soooooo handsome…" The lady got a dreamy look in her eyes and Dilandau gave her an odd glance.
    "I mean, and he makes a handsome salary…" She coughed, blushing.
      
    
    "Yeah, Yeah, whatever Blondie, get out of my face!" Dilandau pushed her to the side and stormed in to see the doctor singing with a scary deformed Spanish girl.
    "This is the "genius" who's supposed to help us?" Dilandau asked doubtfully.
    "Hey! Who are you?! I'm still with my 9:01 appointment!" The psychiatrist whined.
    "We're your **9:07** appointment! DUH!" Hitomi exclaimed, unaware that she sucked at lying.
    "Umm… Alright then… That'll be all Miss Dora…" The psychiatrist called in his bouncers.
    "But wait! My appointment is till 9:10! I used all of my show's extremely low funding to come here and sort out my problems with you! I need my backpack!" Dora shrieked, kicking at the guys.
    "Sorry sister, I'm going to Las Vegas!" The backpack replied, leaping out the window.
    "I doubt it's that way." Hitomi said, listening to the SPLAT the bag-like thing made when it hit the street below and was promptly run over by a truck.
    "Oh well, the kids were getting sick of that sack anyway…" Dora muttered.
      
    
    "For a sweet little pre-schooler, you've sure got a mean streak…" The guy known as Bob said.
    "Hey! How'd you get in here?!" One of the dudes from the psycho ward yelled, dragging him out.
    "Sorry 'bout that." He then grabbed Dora too and headed out the door.
    "But wait! I'm DORA! THE EXPLORER! MY NAME ALMOST RHYMES! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LEMME GO!" She shrieked.
    "Okay then… You must be Mr…" He looked at his list "…InuYasha… Well Mr. InuYasha that sure is an unusual name, let's start with that…"
    "I'm not 'Mr. InuYasha' whoever the hell that is!" Dilandau yelled.
    "I'm Mike. Just call me Mike." He nodded, liking the sound of that.
    "Aw! Dilly likes to kid around! Dontcha Dilly?" Hitomi punched him playfully.
    "Don't touch me." Dilly hissed.
    "See, like that! He's so funny! We call him Dilly, isn't that a cute name? I think so! Hey, my boyfriend isn't here, is he?" She looked around for Van and breathed a sigh of relief noticing he wasn't there.
    "Good, now I can finally express the feelings I've harbored since the series began!" She grabbed Dilly and kissed him as his eyes widened and he tried to get away.
    Van walked in just then.
    "Hey Hitomi I…" He looked at the scene before him and his eyes boggled.
    "Oh Van… It's you!" She quickly broke away from Dilandau.
    "You see, Dilly was choking! Oh it was horrible! Luckily, I was here to give him CPR and the Heimlech and all that good junk! Without me, he would've **DIED**!" She said dramatically.
    "WOW!" Van exclaimed.
    "You're a hero!"
    "I know." Hitomi replied, nodding as Dilandau gave her an indignant look.
    "I **wasn't** choking!" He muttered.
    "See, the lack of oxygen getting to his brains made him delusional, he doesn't even know where he is, do ya Dilly?"
    "I know where I am you idiot… I…"
    "Oh no! He's choking again!" She kissed him again and Van gave a disbelieving look.
    "Wow, I used to think I knew when that was happening, but now I know a perfectly normal looking person could actually be choking without me even noticing!" Van announced. Millerna walked in and he was about to give her CPR when he stopped himself.
    "The world would be better off anyhow…" He muttered, walking away and leaving Millerna more confused than usual.
    "Umm… Yeah, right… Now, who are you guys exactly?" The psychiatrist asked, about to call the psycho control guys back.
    "We're the Esca bunch!" Hitomi exclaimed, stopping her kiss with Dilly who started gagging and gargling with his portable mouthwash.
    "Here's a story…!" Allen burst in and everyone groaned, knowing what lay ahead.
    "About an ugly lady!"
    "Hey, I'm not that ugly!" Dornkirk screamed.
    "You'd think he'd have denied the lady part, wouldn't you?" Folken muttered in exasperation.
    "Who was bringing up a punk and a Goth!"
    "Cool! I'm a punk!" Dilly grinned happily.
    "I am **NOT** a Goth!" Folken yelled.
    "Here's a story, about a man named Allen! Who had all the girls drooling! There were some other dudes too, but no one cared about them much!"
    "Hey… I'm cared about…" Van whined.
    "Right, sure, whatever… Peace, man!" The Hippie formerly known as Dryden exclaimed walking in.
    "What the…?" Dilandau muttered.
    "I decided to embrace my hippie-self! It's all about the love, man!" Dryden commented, adjusting his sunglasses and straightening his leather headband.
    "Right… But why?"
      
    
    "It's all about the love, man!"
    "Umm… Yeah, you said that already, but why?"
    "It's all about the love, man!"
    "Okay, this conversation is getting nowhere…"
    "Can I finish my song now?" Allen asked in annoyance.
    "We'd rather you didn't…" Dilandau began as Allen continued to belt out the horrendous tune.
    "Then one day, the author had an evil plot! Then they knew this group must somehow form a group of victims! And that's the way we all became the Esca Bunch! The Esca Bunch! The Esca Bunch! That's the way, we became the Esca bunch!" Allen beamed as everyone sweatdropped in unison.
    "Umm… That's nice… Let's get start…" He then watched as the other Esca characters filed in.
    "My God… There sure are a *gulp* lot of you…"
    "Yeah, what do you care?" Van muttered, laying on the couch.
    "Now tell me about myself Doc, I have a massage session at 10." He closed his eyes, waiting to be enlightened.
    "Good for you… **SOME** of us dream of just getting home to be with the wife…" He looked at a picture of a tabby cat on his desk and everyone gave him an extremely odd look, shaking their heads.
    "Don't even have time to buy her those catnip mice she wants so much. She never learned to drive you know…" He continued.
    "**THIS** guy is going to solve our problems?" Hitomi whispered to Van skeptically.
    "What problems? We don't have no problems!" Van replied in annoyance.
    "Van, dear, you're using a double negative."
    "A WHAT?"
    "A double negative… You really shouldn't use them you know, they make you sound stupid…"
    "So now you're calling me stupid, huh?" Van asked in anger.
    "I can see why this group got sent in…" Dr. Touchy Feelings Guy said.
    "You obviously need some lessons on getting along and being nice to people."
    "Umm… Whatever…" Allen muttered, downing a can of beer.
    "Yeah… Anyhoo… We're going to divide you into two groups. The Goodies and The Baddies and…"
    "I hope you realize that there are a whole lot more baddies than goodies here…" Van muttered.
    "Yes, but don't let that bother you. You'll have more time at the breakfast buffet."  
    
      
    
    "Are there donuts?" Van asked anxiously.
    "Yes, there are donuts."
    "YEAH! YOU GUYS SUCK! HAHA!" He jeered at the baddies who instantly began planning how to kill him.
    "As I was saying, a Miss Jessica told me that it was to be divided as such… The Goodies, going first will be:
    Van Fanel, Merle Who-Has-No-Last-Name, Dryden Fassa, Hitomi Kanzaki, Verona Kitaru, Millerna Aston, Refina Genzai, Allen Schezar, and Folken Fanel."
    "HEY! WAIT A SEC! I'M A BAD GUY!" Folken shrieked.
    "AND WHY IS MY GIRLFRIEND A "GOOD" GUY?! I'M A BAD GUY!" Dalet yelled.
    "Sorry, I'm just obeying the almighty author… Now shut up so I may go on…" The cast grumbled in annoyance.
    "The Baddies going after The Goodies will be: Dilandau Albatou, Dornkirk Old-Anorexic-Guy, Naria Kitty-Cat-Thing, Eriya Naria-is-a-jealous-son-of-Jajuka's-mom, Gatty Namuru, Migel Lavalier, Guimel Shitumi, Chesta Wan, Dalet Laregino, and Viole Kujo. The groups are a little uneven, but who really cares? Now, Baddies, kindly get out, we hate you after all…"
    "Wait, I'd like to request a team switch," Refina said boldly.
    "I'm too kind-hearted to be a Baddie, if you switch me, the groups will be practically even…" The Doctor looked at her over his spectacles.
      
    
    "'Kay." He changed the list.  
    
      
    
    "Now hold on a sec, how come **SHE** gets to choose?!" Folken asked in frustration.
    "Simple. She doesn't have such vulgar tattoos." Folken's face turned red in annoyance, since he was fond of his body art.
    "Aw, cheer up Folken, I think that teardrop is **VERY** sexy…" Hitomi purred.
    "God no…" He muttered as he looked at Dilandau who gave him a knowing look.
    "Can we **please** move on?" Dr. Touchy Feelings Guy asked in exasperation.
    "I guess… But don't disturb the cucumbers, I'm letting my mask set…" Van muttered, as they noticed he was in a lawn chair trying to tan by the lamp, causing them all to sweatdrop.
    "Van Fanel, you're up first, would the rest of you please go outside with the Baddies?" The doctor asked.
    "Sure, donuts are filled with sugar! And besides, Dilly and I have to practice our CPR!" She giggled as Dilandau prepared to barf as they exited.
    "Umm… It would help if you stopped tanning and took off those vegetable slices…" The doctor suggested.
    "Whatever…" Van muttered, getting up and removing his cucumbers.
    "But if I don't make the next GQ cover, I'm suing…"
    "You do that…" The psychiatrist murmured.
    "So, tell me about yourself…"
    "What is there to say?"
    "Anything. Just tell me about yourself!" The doctor muttered in frustration at his unwillingness to comply.
    "Do you **REALLY** want to know?" Van asked devilishly.
    "Yes, I **REALLY **want to know…" The Psychiatrist replied.
    "Well, My friends call me Bubba, blue is my actual eye color, I have an obsession with rutabagas, my favorite show is Smallville… Somebody Save Me…" He began to sing the theme song.
    "My favorite color is pink, I've taken ballet since I was 3, Mother thought it would be good for me… I'm allergic to dragons, I break out in hives. Oh yes, every night me and Hitomi…"
      
    
    "Okay, stop! I want **NO** details…" The psychiatrist muttered, his face turning bright red.
    "Well, it's the truth, you see, we…"  
    
      
    
    "SHUT UP!"
    "Alright…" Van agreed, leaning back.
    "What about your family troubles?" He asked Van.
    "You told me to shut up."
    "Up shut."
    "What does that mean?"
    "TALK YOU IDIOT!" The Psychiatrist screamed.
    "Why didn't you just say so?" If looks could kill, Van would be dead.
    "Well, my parents are dead and my gothic brother and I are all that remains…"  
    
    "I AM **NOT** A GOTH!" Folken shrieked.
    "RIGHT!" Van yelled back sarcastically.
    "You and your brother, do you talk a lot?"
    "Uh, duh… No…"
    "Maybe you **should** talk a lot… **MAKE** the time to talk, then maybe you'll…"
    "There we go Doc. I'd love to stay, but my dear friend Merle needs to go now. God only knows she has more psychological problems than me…" Van muttered as the doctor shook his head and the catgirl entered as Van exited.
    "MEOW! So what's up Doc?" Merle squeaked, bouncing into the chair.
    "Before I even start, what's your problem?" The doctor asked in an extremely bored tone.
    "Well, you see that b****, Hitomi is trying to steal Lord Van away from me!"
    "First, no cussing in the room of feelings, and then, are you even sure he's slightly interested in you?" The doctor asked skeptically.
    "Well duh! The other day he asked me, "Merle, Will you get out of my way?!""
    "And what exactly does that prove?"
    "Well duh! That he's **totally** crushing on me!" Merle replied in exasperation at his obvious stupidity.
    "Uh, right… Good for you… So, how do you feel about being half-girl, half-cat…?"
    "It's all good… Except when my tail gets stuck in doors… That smarts y'know…" Merle nodded to herself and the doctor sweatdropped.
    "Yeah… Right… So, how do you feel?"
    "I feel like donuts! This is boring, I gotta go kick Hitomi's ass! Later!"
    "Hold on, let's go together to see if Van is actually interested in the girl or not." The doctor stood up and followed her, they opened the door. And Merle's eyes widened as the doctor sweatdropped. Van and Hitomi were making out in a corner and everyone was avoiding looking at them.
    "Eww… Get a room!" Dilandau protested, covering his eyes.
    "I can't even choke down my donuts… Well, maybe not all of them…" Naria muttered.
    "Man… Why can't it be Hitomi's turn, isn't it Hitomi's turn yet?!" Eriya groaned.
    "I… I don't believe it…" Merle's eye twitched convulsively.
    "Not so cocky now, are we?" The Psychiatrist asked, giving her a nod before going back into his room.
    Hitomi and Van stopped kissing and blinked at her.
    "What are you looking at?" Hitomi asked in annoyance.
    "Nothing! Nothing!" Merle claimed, waving her hands and blushing madly.
    "Damn B****… Hate her… Yes I do… Trying to take Van-sama away from me… Yes, that's ALWAYS been her plan… I'd like to teach her a lesson, damn her…" Merle grumbled, walking over to the food table. She looked back as they resumed and gagged.
    "If that's the sort of thing you do when you have a boyfriend, maybe I don't want one…"
    "Dryden, you're next…"
    "But I want to shamelessly beg Millerna to marry me again…" Dryden whined.
    "I'm just gonna say "No!"" Millerna said in annoyance, filing her nails in boredom.
    "Hey, you've only said "no" 644 times! 645's the charm!" Dryden beamed.
    "Millerna, will you marry me?"
    "NO!" Millerna shrieked.
    "Make that 646 time's the charm…" Dryden muttered in frustration.
    "Get in there, listen to the crap he has to say, then come back out and act like it never happened…" Merle shrieked.
    "Okay…" Dryden dashed inside since Merle scared him.
    "Ah, you must be Mr. Fassa, how are you today?" Mr. Guy asked calmly.
    "Hey man! I **NEVER** went to that strip joint! Get off my back!" Dryden shrieked.
    "Okay then… I didn't even mention that, but that's a good start… I guess…" The Psychiatrist sweatdropped.
    "Oops… I mean, this conversation never happened…" Dryden muttered, massaging his forehead.
      
    
    "Right…" The doctor nodded.
    "Anyways, you seem to be having trouble with a Miss…" He looked through his file.
    "Aston? Princess Millerna?"
    "Yeah, she loves me, she just doesn't know it yet…" Dryden nodded confidently.
    "Umm… Don't you think she'd know?"
    "Nah… You see, she's a blonde…"
    "Well, that explains a lot…" The doctor agreed.
    "You see, she thinks she likes this dorky knight, Allen Schnitzel…"
    "I thought his last name was Schezar…" The Psychiatrist said hesitantly.
    "Oh yeah, that's right, it's Allen Stroganoff…"
    "But it's…"
    "No, you're right it's Allen Spaghetti!" Dryden said rather loudly.
    "Uh… For a smart guy you sure are dumb…" The psychiatrist muttered.
    "WHAT WAS THAT?!" Dryden yelled.
    "Nothing, Nothing Lord Dryden… Now, tell me about Millerna…"
    "Well, she's got hair, 2 eyes, and a chin…" Dryden began.
    "Umm, let's skip to her personality…"
    "She's stupid, hot-headed, pushy, annoying, selfish, and always getting into other people's business." Dryden replied.
    "And tell me again why you're so obsessed with her…?" The doctor asked in confusion.
      
    
    "I dunno…" Dryden shrugged.
    "Obviously your affections are very well thought-out…" Mr. Guy muttered sarcastically.
    "If you really like her that much, try being nice to her. Give her a compliment. Girls like that. You'll show up Allen Stroganoff!"
    "You're silly! His name's Allen Schezar!" Dryden replied as he exited and the doctor shook his head in pity.
    "Hey Millerna…" Dryden began as he spotted the princess flirting with the annoyed Allen.
    "What?!" She asked sharply as Allen breathed a sigh of relief that she was no longer staring at him.
    "You have nice…"
    _Oh man… What do I say?! Nice… Nice… Nice what?! Nice…
    _"What is it?" Millerna asked curiously.
    "You have nice eyebrows! There I said it!" He ran off to the other side of the room.
    "Wow Dryden! That was sooooooo sweet!" She pounced on him and Allen beamed, no more Millerna.
    "It's really too bad I already ordered the cake for me and Allen's wedding, otherwise I'd marry you instead!" She beamed as Dryden and Allen fell over anime-style and Millerna blinked in confusion.
    "Hitomi! Get off Van and go in!" Dryden muttered.
    Hitomi stood up and let Van drop to the floor.
    "Oh. All right."
    "Ouchy…" Van muttered on the ground.
    "So, Miss Kanzaki… What's up?" The psychiatrist began.
    "Well, the sky, the birds, the clouds, the…"
    "Okay, that's enough… I mean, how is your life going?"
    "Pretty good… Van is the hottest guy in the entire series and every night we…"
    "God you guys like to get personal…" The psychiatrist moaned.
    "But it's natural, you see, when a man and woman love each other they…"
    "Just shut up… You obviously have a lot of sexual tension with this Van fellow… But you're only 15… Take it slow… After all, you have the rest of your life ahead of you…"
    "Well I try to enjoy it, because each week I move on to a different boy…"
    "What do you mean?"
    "Well, all the guys here looooooooooooove me, so I figure I should give them all a chance. This week is Van week, next week is Dilandau week, then comes Allen, Folken, Dryden, Nelly…"
    "Nelly? How'd Nelly get in there?" The psychiatrist asked in confusion.
    "Dunno… Anyway, Van week is almost up, so I'm currently trying to seduce Dilandau…"
    "Uh, great… That's great… Tell me Hitomi, do you think you sometimes get on peoples' nerves?" He asked.
    "Silly! Now how could I do that? Everybody loves me! Don't ya guys?" She looked out the door.
    "Uh no, not really…" Folken muttered.
      
    
    "She's not completely deformed…" Allen said as Millerna stared at him.
      
    
    "I hate her! BURN! BURN!"
    "I love Millerna… Dum Dum Dum… I love Millerna… Dum Dum Dum…" Dryden sang.
    "WILL YOU SHUT UP?!" Millerna shrieked.
    "Hey, for what it's worth, **I** love you Hitomi!" Van called after her as she shut the door.
    "Since none of them except Van seems to like you much, why not stay with him?" The doctor asked in frustration at her stupidity.
    "Aw, they're all just denying their **INNER** feelings, aren't you guys?!"
    "Hell no!" Dilly replied.
    "I gotta go flirt with other guys and make Van jealous, bye!" She called after to the doctor who began to wonder if there was any hope for these idiots.
    "VERONA KITARU!" The doctor called for her.
    "I **FORBID** you to go! You're a bad guy, just like me!" Dalet yelled in stubborn annoyance.
    "SHUT UP DALET! SO I'M A GOOD GUY! BIG WOOF!" She stormed off as Dalet cursed and jumped up and down.
    "Easy there pal, why put up a fuss when she leaves? I mean, for crying out loud, you're practically terrified of the girl…" Guimel commented.
    "Oh you've got a point…" Dalet muttered.
    "DON'T COME BACK SOON HONEY!" He called after her.
    "Whatever! JERK!" She called after him.
    "If he wasn't so cute I'd dump him in a heartbeat!" She muttered.
    "Yes, Miss Kitaru… It's nice to see someone who looks somewhat sane…" The doctor commented thankfully.
      
    
    "WHAT DO YOU MEAN **SOMEWHAT** SANE?! I'm just as sane as YOU and EVERYONE ELSE!!!" She screeched.
    "I take back that first comment…" He muttered.
    "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" She shrieked.
    "Nothing, Nothing… Now please sit down. We don't have much time."
    "Oh, we have all the time in the world. Keep me in here, Dalet's going to dump me when I get out, I just know it…" She mumbled.
    "Well there's something… You're worried about rejection from your boyfriend, are you?"
    "Not really… I reject him more often than he rejects me… He's just so damn inconsiderate."
    "How inconsiderate?"
    "Very inconsiderate."  
    
      
    
    "How much?"
    "He's forgotten my birthday and our anniversary for the 3rd year running… He suggested that we make **THAT** our anniversary…"
    "Yep, that's bad…"
    "I just can't get through to him… He doesn't appreciate me… It makes me mad, then I kill and/or demolish everything within a five-mile radius."
    "Well, obviously you have a lot of unvented anger. I'd like to give you this stress bone." He handed her a rubber bone.
    "Why a stress bone?" She asked in puzzlement.
      
    
    "When you're mad, squeeze it, since that usually doesn't work, hit whoever made you mad over the head with it!" The doctor beamed at her.
    "I like the way you think, Guy-man!" She smiled, running out the door.
      
    
    "ANYTIME!" He called after her.
    "Oh Dalet-chan… What do you think of my eyes?" She asked in a sing-song voice.
    "They're eyes… There's two of them… Does this have any point? I'm trying to eat!"
    She squeezed the rubber bone until she nearly broke it in half. She then stopped, calmly loosening her grasp and promptly bopping him over the head.
    "OW! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" He shrieked.
      
    
    "FOR YOU BEING AN INSENSITIVE JERK!" She stormed off, squeezing the bone for dear life.
    "Umm… Yeah… Millerna… Get up there…" Hitomi muttered between bites of her donut.
    "ALRIGHTY THEN!" She said in a song-song voice matching Verona's from moments before.
    "HIYA DOC!" She shrieked in her annoying high-pitched voice.
    "Umm… Yeah… Mind bringing that down a little…?" He asked, covering his ears.
    "SOR-RY!" She called back just as loudly.
    "ANYWAYS! YOU'RE A SMART DOCTOR DUDE AND ALL SO I WAS HOPING YOU COULD READ MY FORTUNE!" She beamed.
    "Uh… I don't do that…" The doctor answered, sweatdropping.
      
    
    "WHAT KIND OF CARNIVAL IS THIS ANYWAY?!" She shrieked.
    "It's **not** a carnival!!! It's a freaking psychiatrist office!"
    "Oh… Then can you look at my teeth, I think I have a cavity…" She opened her mouth, pointing at her molars.
    "Ugh… 10 years until retirement…" He muttered.
    "Do you have any problems in your life right now?"
    "Well, Allen doesn't realize how much he's madly in love with me and Dryden won't leave me alone…"
    "Oh you're that stu-ahem I mean, smart blonde he was talking about earlier…"
    "Why that little weasel, was he talking trash about me? I'm gonna wring his little neck…" She screeched.
    "Why don't you express your feelings to Allen, perhaps he feels the same…"
    "No, I do that every day… I shape his pancakes like a heart, I spell out "I LOVE YOU" in his alphabet soup, and I carve his steak into our likenesses."
    "Okay… That could be going to far… Ignore him, he'll get annoyed and try to figure out what's up with you…"
    "Thanks Doc! But are you sure you can't tell my fortune before I go because Hitomi told me a mysterious stranger is going to fall in love with me, but I don't trust her cuz she was drunk at the time and…"
    "Umm… No, just leave…"
    "KAY!" She flounced out and the doctor gave a sigh of relief.
    She walked by Allen without a second glance, heading straight for Dryden.
    "Oh DRY-DEN!"
    "Yes, Mille-chan?" He asked in confusion.
    "I love the way you say "Yes"…" She whispered into his ear in a sexy (For Millerna…) voice.
    "Uh… Cool…" He grinned sheepishly.
    "HEY NOW!" Allen yelled in protest.
    "MILLERNA LOVES ME! GET IT?! MOI! NON TU! MOI!" He grabbed Millerna away from Dryden.
    "Wow Allen, I had no idea you spoke French!" Hitomi stopped kissing Van to comment.
    "I can't, actually!" He said proudly.
      
    
    "Uh, whatever… Now Mille-chan, as you were saying…" Dryden interrupted.
    "Your eyes are like… Uh… Eyes… And your hair is like hair…"
    "Go on…" Dryden moaned.  
    
    "THAT'S IT!!!" Allen screamed, attacking Dryden.
    "Yay! Allen's trying to kill Dryden for me!" Millerna squeaked in glee, jumping up and down clapping joyfully.
    "Refina, oh Refina, I looooooooooove you like yummy cookie-things! Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhh Refina, won't you be MINE? My valentine, umm… Yeah!" Viole sang.
    "Dude, that's another fic…" Van muttered.
    "Stop it, you're ruining my song!" Viole then started to continue, but Refina slammed her hand over his mouth just in time.
    "Viole… You're not my boyfriend… Get over it…" She then walked away.
    "So, dinner at 7?" He called after her.
    "It's a date!" She winked at him.
    "Uh… That made no sense…" Chesta muttered.
    "Hello, you're Refina, aren't you? At this point you're all starting to look alike…" The doctor muttered as she came in.
    "Yep."
    "So what endless misery torments you Miss Genzai?"
    "This guy…"
    "Oh Lord… Why can't you people just be getting lousy grades in school or something?! Then I could say, "Study more, that'll be $50, have a nice day!""
    "Sorry, the curse of the psychiatrist is a harsh one…" Refina nodded.
    "Anyways… This guy, Viole… Well I like him and all, but he is like in love, I mean LOVE love, with me and I don't know what do with him. He even got me jewelry for Christmas last week…"
    "But… It's July… Oh nevermind… Why do I bother with you freaks?" The psychiatrist muttered in hopelessness.
    "So doc, what's the cure?"
    "The cure is to tell the dude how you feel…"
    "I do… Every DAY! He doesn't listen… I can't get through to him…"
    "Well then, make him fall out of love with you…"
    "How?"
    "What's something he hates? Something he loathes more than life itself… Something that strikes terror into the hearts of men?"
    "Mimes…" Refina whispered.
    "What?" The doctor asked, thinking he'd misheard her.
    "Mimes… The root of all evil… The mimes… They're after us all…" Refina breathed, cringing.
    "Right… Um… Then yeah… Do… Uh… Mime-ish type things… Umm… This session is over, please leave…" The doctor said, slightly worried about these peoples' sanity.
    "So anyway, I sez to 'im, "Don't be mooin' at me ya cow…"" Viole sat talking to the other Dragon Slayers.
    "That was harsh…" Chesta commented.
    "Well… It was a cow… It mooed and everything… Never go to farmyards at midnight, my friends… They are scary, scary, places…" Viole said rather uncomfortably. Then he noticed that the Dragonslayers had wide eyes and shocked expressions.
    "Yo… Waz up? You guys okay?" He waved his hand in front of their faces, getting no response.
    "Oh, is my girl behind me? You obviously are stunned by her radiant beauty, as I always have been." He smiled, turning around and seeing what had happened to her.
    "Lord girl… Were you abducted by some body-snatchers or something?" She was dressed as a mime. She started making a box and then…
    "HELP! HELP! VIOLE! I'M TRAPPED INSIDE A FREAKIN' BOX! HELP! VIOLE! HELP!"
    "Hey, it's alright girl, I got ya…" He drove a fist into "the box" promptly smacking Refina in the face and knocking her out cold.
    "Oh man… That can't be good… Uh… Later!" He dashed out and the Dragonslayer blinked, not knowing what to do with the incompetent mime.
    "Hey! It's my turn!" Allen squealed, smiling like an idiot. (A/N: He plays his part well…)
    "Yeah, go, we'll try to have the mime exterminated before you get back…"
    "You work on that…" Allen muttered in reply, heading into the office.
    "Oh, young lady, please come in." The doctor greeted Allen.
    "I AM **NOT **A GIRL!" Allen shrieked.
    "Oh…" He looked up.
    "OH… Uh… Of course you're not… I was talking about that, girl, over there…"
    "Where?!" Allen shrieked, looking for the girl, beind the womanized he was.
    "Uh, she jumped out the window, but don't worry! I'm sure she's um… alright… Yeah…" Allen opened the window, preparing to jump, but the doctor stopped him.
    "She's dead…"
    "Couldn't she still admire my hair?" Allen whined.
    "No… Now you seem to be obsessed with women… Please tell me what started this horrible desire…"
    "Well, I think it was when I was seven… Selena came over and bit the head off my Barbie doll… I took her to the local hospital, but, they said… They said they didn't cure dolls… And… She died… I buried her out back and picked all of my mom's first prize flowers for her grave… I never recovered…"
    "That explains a lot…" The doctor murmured.
    "Oh yeah, I've been in love… one… two…" He continued to count on his fingers.
    "Uh… Seven times in the series
    "How is that even possible?!" The doctor asked in confusion.
      
    
    "Well, there was Marlene, the queen of Freid that I kinda umm…"
    "Don't go there…" The doctor muttered, having had enough of that sort of thing from Van earlier.
    "Then there was Eries, the scary princess, Millerna, the pink-powderpuff princess, Hitomi, the freak from the Mystic Moon, Merle…"
    "Merle?" The doctor asked skeptically.
      
    
    "I have a thing with cats… It's a sickness…" Allen said shamefully.
    "Then there was that maid at the palace that kept staring at my…" The doctor covered his ears.
    "Head… She obviously noticed my pearly whites!" Allen flashed a grin.
    "Oh yeah, and there was Eriya…"
    "Why her?"
    "Why not?" Allen asked, grinning widely.
    "Uh… Yeah… Umm… Live a happy life, eat your vegetables… Next victim…" Allen was pushed out and Folken pushed in.
    "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! I'M EVIL!!! LOOK AT MY COOL SORCERER ROBE-THINGY! NO **GOOD GUY **COULD POSSIBLY LOOK THIS GOOD! I…"
    "Just shut up and tell me your problem…" The doctor moaned.
    "I don't have one! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM! HAHA! I LAUGH IN YOUR FACE! HAHA!"
    "Umm… Yeah… Anyway, I…"
    "DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!" A voice shrieked.
    "What?" The doctor asked in confusion.
    "God no…" Folkie muttered.
    "SHIT! IT'S DAMN HOT IN THERE YOU SON OF A FEMALE DOG!" Cussing Christy shrieked as she emerged from Folken's robes.
    "Huh? Why didn't you…"
    "Hey, kids could be reading this…" The catgirl doll reasoned.
    "Wow, is that an ORIGINAL Cussing Christy doll?!" The doctor leaped up from his seat in excitement.
    "Yeah, want her?" Folken asked in annoyance.
    "Hell yes! She's worth a billion dollars!"
    "Now WHO would pay that much for an annoying doll?"
    "This guy… It's Migel… It's Migel…"  
    
    "Lavelier…" Folken finished in an annoyed tone.
    "How'd ya know?"
    "Lucky guess…" Folken muttered.  
    
    "Here, take it, but don't say I didn't warn you…" He walked out.
    "Oh God… Now I have to see… The Baddies…" The doctor cried out, knowing the worse was yet to come as ominous music played and lighting flashed, despite the fact that it was not raining.
    A/N: Well, I'd like 4 or 5 reviews, thanks for reading! Next chapter up sometime in November, later! ^_^
    ~Trunks Gal~
    


	16. Dalet Can't Open the Door

Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne. I own nothing of value except a stereo that I can't find the instructions for so I can fix my poor radio… --; I also don't own Inu-Yasha, Herbal Essences, Veggie Tales, YM, or anything else mentioned in here. Yeah, so don't sue me. Thanks. Oh yeah, and don't take offense by any bashing I do… Just warning everyone ahead of time… ^_^;

A/N: I'm glad you guys like this! Oh yeah, I changed my name! Isn't that special??? Now I'm Crystal Twilight! Ladeda! * Dances around in her evil new gymnastics leotard and her PE shorts * I hate Kim the evil gymnastics instructor! I will continue to do my back walkovers and laugh when I fall on my head! I will not do stupid pushups as punishment! * Readers give her an odd look as she rambles * I wish I had a water buffalo! Oops… Sorry, wrong fic… Lol… ^_^; Sugar, it's crazy, isn't it? Anyways, this is the last in this mini-series… You'll find out the next one at the bottom… (Don't scroll down there! * Slaps readers hand *) **Read and Review! Enjoy!**

Chapter 16: Dalet Can't Open the Door

"DO I HAVE TO DO THIS? CAN'T I CALL IN FOR A SUBSTITUTE OR SOMETHING?!" Dr. Touchy Feelings Guy whined as his receptionist hauled him away from the window he was about to leap out of.

"DEAL WITH IT! I WANNA RETIRE TO FLORIDA!" The receptionist replied angrily. He was REALLY cute, but he was so wimpy.

"Fine… Just add extra marshmallows to my hot chocolate…" He muttered dejectedly.

"Mom still won't let you drink coffee?" The receptionist arched an eyebrow in amusement.

"No… You'd think after living with me for 30 years she'd move on… She doesn't believe that Mona is right for me…" The doctor grumbled in annoyance.

  
"It could be cuz she's a cat…" She sweatdropped.

"Hey, I don't go judging YOUR relationships!" He shot back angrily.

"At least MY boyfriends are TYPICALLY human, except for Ralph, but that was a one-time thing…" She trailed off.

"Oh, whatever. Send stupid what's his face in…" He collapsed in his chair, doodling all his patients getting run over by cement mixers in his notebook.

"I shoulda listened to Mom… She told me to be a pro basketball player instead of a stupid psychiatrist… But I'm not gonna get any taller for the love of God; I'm 6'4… She should go…" Dilandau burst in and he instantly silenced.

"Soooooooooooo... You're doctor-whatever-your-name-is-cuz-I-don't-know-and-I-don't-care!" Dilly beamed.

"That I am... That I am... Now you must be that moronic pyro I've heard of... Please sit down... Take a load off your tiny brain..." The doctor bade him comfortingly.

"Whatever...! Anyhoo, are you giving out free mints or something...? Cuz that's the rumor in the other room and pretty much the only reason I haven't torched the whole place..." Dilandau babbled aimlessly, propping his feet on the doctor's desk.

"Uh... I don't have mints to give you... But let's share FEELINGS...!" He tried to coax Dilly not to flambé his office.

"I don't like feelings..." Dilly muttered in annoyance.

"Like that time that Hitomi said we should share our feelings with the world and started going around saying that we were lovers and that Van would have to kill me to get her love back and when Folken told me he'd feel better about my future if I got a job so I got an internship at that schnitzel factory and..."  
  
"On second thought!" The doctor interjected.

"Nurse! Get some mints for our esteemed guest!" He pulled the girl over.

"And maybe some sedatives..." He hissed in her ear, letting her go, still grinning falsely at the babbling pyro.

"And then my Auntie Blair told me that my pet pig was actually dinner and that his name was actually Sam, NOT Rufus! How he convinced me he was a naked mole rat I'll never know..." He rambled on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and...

"I THINK THEY GET THE POINT!" Hitomi shrieked, bursting into the room.

"Come on Dilly-kins! You have to beat up big bad ol' Van for me so I'll be yours forever!" She latched onto his arm, dragging him back into the donut room.

"BUT I DON'T WANNA!" He protested weakly, trying to dig his perfectly filed nails into the floor in attempts to keep himself from being taken into the land of stupid people... not to mention the blondes...

  
"I TAKE THAT OFFENSIVELY! IT'S A WIG!" Allen shrieked in annoyance.

  
"Pay up, Naria..." Eriya nudged her sister.

  
"Fine, find... Stupid moose... I never should have bought that "It's all natural!" garbage..." Naria grumbled, passing her sister a twenty.

"Now I can go buy that new Veggie Tales CD I wanted..." Eriya mused happily as Naria continued to curse her and Allen's wig to he-

"Excuse me. Children could be reading this." A small man walked by, shaking his finger at the author.

"To... places with lots of bunnies and gophers... and moles... cuz they're... allergic...! Yeah... THAT'S the ticket!" Naria excused herself quickly, flopping down on the reception room couch.

"She is **SO weird…" Eriya rolled her eyes, grabbing a YM and flopping down next to Allen on the parallel couch. Allen lifted a hand, before she grabbed his wrist, squeezing it enough to briefly cut off his circulation.**

"Don't **EVEN think about it, Blondie…" She murmured threateningly, releasing his arm as he scooted away.**

"Ew… Is that Christina Aguilera…?" Her face turned in disgust.

"Dang… WHAT has that girl been smoking? And what's up with that nose ring?! What is she hiding?!" She rambled on as everyone gave her an odd look.

"Uh… Yeah… Old-Anorexic-Guy… You're up…" The receptionist signaled to the nurse the psycho sign, gesturing at Eriya who glared in annoyance, growling.

"And on further news… Britney Spears has said the following… "I have a confession to make… I'm not a girl OR a woman… I'm a man!" Hollywood was shocked when Spears pulled off her blonde wig and ran away, revealing her bald head…" The radio crackled.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Allen shrieked.

"MY MENTOR! THE WOMAN I LEARNED EVERYTHING FROM!"

"That explains a lot…" Hitomi whispered to Van.

"Her "Buns of Steel and Thinner Thighs" video changed my life!" Allen wailed.

"But you're still fat!" Millerna commented bluntly.

"And since when did Britney Spears have time to make an exercise video?" Van asked.

"NO! YOU CANNOT GO BUY IT!" Hitomi whacked him over the head as he groaned in protest.

"ABUSE! ABUSE!" He commented, shielding his head as Hitomi growled at him.

"I AM NOT FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" Allen cried, running out of the room. The receptionist nodded and the nurse quickly barred the door.

"Yeah… Anyway… Come on, Dornkirk-thing, the doctor has a bed-time y'know!" The receptionist chided, pulling the old guy by the arm into the strange doctor's office.

"I PROTEST! I CAN SEE THE FUTURE!" Dornkirk screamed, desperately trying to avoid being forced into the room of scariness.

"Sure! Sure! We had a woman in here just last week who could see the future! Turned out it was a spider, makin' a web in her empty skull! We'll have you fixed right up!" She dragged the old man in.

"ACK! NO! FOLKEN! DILANDAU! SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE ME!" Shrieked the anorexic man.

"Uh… Yeah… Whatever… Do you think this is airbrushed?" He gestured at a picture in his magazine to Folken who glanced at it uninterestedly.

"WHY would they airbrush a flame-thrower?" Folken rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"They know us connoisseurs can tell quality from shi-" Dilly replied when an old man injected.

"THE CHILDREN!" The strange old man shrieked.

"Uh… In case you didn't know… The author's only 14 and this is PG-13 so **technically when she was 12 and started ****WRITING this fic, if it had the current rating, she couldn't ****READ it…" Folken commented.**

"And since when can't anyone cuss…? Everyone's been calling each other bad words since it **BEGAN!" He gave the old man an odd look.**

"They pay me to say this stuff… Gimme a break… I have a hamster and two gerbils to support…" He wandered away as Dilly arched an eyebrow before going back to his magazine.

"So… Tell me Mr… Dornkirk…? Well that's an unusual name… Let's start there…" Dr. Touchy Feelings Guy began, as the receptionist tied him to the chair.

"My mom's name was Dorn, my dad's name was Kirk, that's all there is to it." Dornkirk replied flatly.

"Okay… Uh… I'll get right down to it… What **CAUSED** you to have this eating disorder?" He asked bluntly.

"I DON'T HAVE AN EATING DISORDER!" He shrieked angrily.  
  


"I'm sorry, Dornkirk, but that's kinda hard to believe… I mean… You're just skin and bones…" The doctor commented on his frail form.

"**TECHNICALLY, I should have been dead several centuries ago, so I **SUPPOSE** that would make sense!" He commented in obvious annoyance.**

"I NEED A CAPPUCHINO! SOMEBODY GET ME MY AGENT!" He jumped into the air, slid out of the ropes and did several back flips before turning to the door.

"Didn't anyone tell you? First-runner up at the Olympics! Old geezers division! Toodles!" He strolled out as the doctor gave an exasperated groan.

"Think of the money… Think of the money…" He murmured his mantra for dealing with these whackos.

"So, how'd it go?" Hitomi asked absently, thumbing through "PSYCHICS: A Magazine for You Freaks Out There".

"I've never been so humiliated in my entire life!" Dornkirk replied, sitting down next to her.

"That's nice. Naria, your turn, Hun." She flipped to the next page.

"Wow… Look! A pretty sheet thing for Tarot reading! I must get it!" She looked for the order form in the back as Van rolled his eyes hopelessly.

"BUT I DON'T WANNA!" Naria whined.

"WELL YOU'RE GONNA!" Hitomi argued back.

"Hey! That rhymed!" Van sweatdropped as she clapped her hands in excitement.

"Oh whatever." Naria stormed into the office.

"I was born on a cabbage farm. My twin sister ate bugs. I was married five times and I think I divorced all of them. My hair is naturally silver. I have Peladophobia. I have built a shrine to Bob the tomato and his theme park will be coming out sometime next year. I am madly obsessed with Folken and I WILL become Mrs. Naria Fanel. Thank you." She nodded as the doctor gave her a disbelieving look.

"The fear of bald people?" He asked her incredulously. 

"I have nightmares." She commented, standing up and walking away.

"Well this day has been anything but productive…" The doctor muttered, staring out the window.

"Bring in the next one."

"Yeah. Whatever." The receptionist smacked her gum, pushing in the next girl.

"Weren't you just in here?" The doctor looked up in confusion. She gave him an annoyed look and it hit him.

"You're twins! That's right! I get it now!"

"You **are slow, aren't you?" Eriya commented bluntly.**

"What did you say?" He asked in insult.

"You **really are. You're no smarter than Allen. So why are we paying you to "cure" us of the psychological problems we ****DON'T have?" Eriya continued as he gave her a stunned look.**

"I'll pay you anything! Just don't tell anyone!" He sobbed.

"Then you'll be funding the theme park my sister and I are involved with. Thank you for your help, Doctor. I think you've changed my life." She exited and the doctor sighed.

"Women…" He moaned hopelessly.

"Oh yeah. That Gatty guy is throwing up. Ate some bad kiwi or something… Should I bring him over?" The receptionist asked.

"God no!" The psychiatrist replied, making violent gestures.

"Okay. He's pretty cute, I may have to go chat him up when my shift's over." The receptionist commented dreamily.

"I pity the fool." The doctor replied as the receptionist whacked up him upside the head.

"Send in the next hopeless victim, will you…?" He asked a bit dazedly as she exited.

A tall, coffee-haired boy walked in. He sported a black and blue leather uniform. He had calculating gray eyes and a cautious manner about him. He sat down, closing his eyes, a carefree smile crossing his lips as he leaned back in his chair. (A/N: Fangirls are drooling… Gotta love Migel-kun! ^^;)

"What is your name, Zaibach soldier?" Dr. Touchy Feelings Guy asked in a deep, booming voice.

"It's Migel." The boy responded automatically.

"It's Migel, Lavelier."

"Yeah… Alright… I just always wanted to do that!" The thirty-year-old beamed.

"Now… My info says… You are best friends with a guy named… Zangi…? No… That's not right… Zongi! Yeah! That's it!"

"WE ARE NOT FRIENDS!" Migel shrieked.

"HE KILLED ME!"

"Then how are you alive?" The doctor asked pointedly.

"Ask the stupid author!" Migel replied in annoyance. He was then flattened on the floor.

"OUCH! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

"DO NOT INSULT THE WAYS OF THE MYSTERIOUS AUTHOR OR YOUR DOOM SHALL BE SWIFT!" A voice echoed.

"Yeah, Yeah, whatever." Migel muttered, getting back into his chair.

"So when did you get this strange obsession with saying your best friends killed you?" He asked in interest.

"HE'S NOT MY BEST FRIEND, YOU IDIOT!" Migel screeched.

"Well, your time's up. Send in the next bonehead, I mean… Troubled mind." The doctor corrected himself quickly.

"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The cry went up.

"ACK! SHEEP! I'M ALLERGIC!" The doctor shrieked, jumping up on his desk.

Guimel entered, cocking his head and baahing loudly at the doctor.

"IT MUST BE HALF-SHEEP, HALF-MAN!"

"IT'S OKAY DOCTOR! I'LL GET THE INSECT REPELLANT!" The receptionist shrieked, scrambling into her office.  
  


"WHAT GOOD WILL THAT DO?!" The doctor screamed, throwing potted plants at Guimel. Guimel blinked, baahing louder.

"OH GOSH! I THINK IT'S GONNA ATTACK!"

"DOWN GUIMEL! DOWN!" Hitomi ran in, cracking a whip. The psychiatrist gave her a wary look. 

"Sorry… He gets a bit feisty without his Danish!" She shoved one in his mouth and walked out as the psychiatrist sweatdropped.

"So… Mr. Sheep… I mean! Mr. Shitumi… Do you have… problems…?" The doctor tried to word it carefully.

"Bah… I don't know what you mean…" Guimel muttered, giving him a sheepish grin.

"Are you… sure…?" The psychiatrist asked again.

"Of course. Ya don't think I'd pull the wool over your eyes, do ya?" 

"Yes…" The doctor muttered as Guimel gave him an odd look.

"I mean… Uh…"

"DOCTOR! I GOT THE INSECT REPELLANT!" The receptionist ran down, spraying Guimel down with bug spray as he bleated in alarm.

"ACK! NO! SHEEP!" Kiddi Chi appeared just then, whacking the bug spray away so Guimel could escape. She then gave a lecture on how we should be kind to our sheepy friends and vanished.

(A/N: Sorry guys… Inside joke… ^_^;)

"They REALLY don't pay me enough for this job…" Dr. Touchy Feeling Guys murmured, his head sinking to the desk.

"Uh… Yeah… I'll be going now!" The receptionist fled, slightly afraid of the author's sheep-obsessed friend.

"Hi. My name is Chesta and I have a problem." The next boy filed in, sitting down.

"FINALLY! SOMEONE STRAIGHTFORWARD!" The man sighed in relief.

"So what's wrong with you?"

"Well… I…" He whispered in the psychiatrist's ear.

"What?" He couldn't understand him. So he tried again.

"What?" 

"I HAVE A SPLIT PERSONALITY!" Chesta sprang up out of his chair, giggling insanely.

"I LIKE WAFFLES?! DO YOU LIKE WAFFLES?! I LIKE WAFFLES!" He danced around as Gatty ran in.

"OH! PINCH ME! A PARTY!" He shrieked happily.

"OUCH!" He felt a pinch on his arm.

"I didn't mean literally, Chesta…" He growled. He then immediately went back into happy mode.

"WANNA GO TO THE MALL?!"

"LET'S GO TO THE MALL!" The jumped up and down in excitement.

"Maybe it's Maybelline…" Gatty ended with this afterthought as the two ran out, high jacking Dilly's guymelef and flying off in search of glittery pink nail polish.

"That's it… Retirement… At the age of 30… Who knew…?" The psychiatrist babbled, squeezing his Garfield doll for reassurance.

"DALET LAREGINO…! ARE YOU STILL HUNG UP OVER THE FACT THAT YOU'RE EVIL AND I'M NOT!" A particularly loud voice shrieked.

"NUMBER ONE, I AM **NOT** EVIL! I AM SIMPLY MISUNDERSTOOD! NUMBER 2, IF **ANYONE **HERE IS EVIL, IT WOULD BE YOU!" Dalet replied honestly.

"WHAT?!" The shrill voice continued. 

Dalet dashed in, locking the door behind him. He panted, obviously out of breath.

"**Don't open the door…" He commanded as the psychiatrist nodded tensely.**

"There's hell and then there's… My "dear" Verona…" He gulped as he heard angry screaming from behind the frosted glass door.

"Y'know, I know what ya mean. My Mona… When she doesn't get her kitty litter changed, she goes into **quite** a frenzy…" The doctor sympathized wisely as Dalet gave him a strange look.

"I think it's safest for you if you hide out here for awhile… From what I heard from that Refina girl, I probably don't wanna listen to Mr. Viole babble anyway…"

"Mr. Viole… That has an oddly pleasant ring to it…" Dalet commented thoughtfully.

"Why couldn't my name have been Viole?" He sniffed dejectedly.

"Ah, an identity crisis… I've seen a lot of these… Like that Kagome girl who came into my office the other day… She's **CONVINCED** that she's the reincarnation of a priestess that died centuries ago… Silly girl… Kids are watching too much TV these days… Back in the day when we walked 60 miles in the snow, **JUST** to get to the outhouse we…" He turned to notice Dalet was missing from his chair.

"Hm?" He looked around in confusion.

"VERONA! VERONA SWEETIE HONEY BABY! LET ME OUT!" Dalet pleaded, pounding on the door desperately.

"Well** there you are…! Gosh, and I just started my story… As I was saying… It was no fun in games back then… I had all my teeth pulled for the war effort… I really don't know what for, but without me we'd probably belong to Tai-waaaaaaaaaaan…" The hick doctor continued.**

  
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Dalet continued to shriek, pounding on the door.

"So are ya gonna let him come out?" Hitomi asked, looking up from her magazine as Verona who was smiling triumphantly.

"He can come out as soon as he figures out that the door locks on **HIS side… Baka…" Verona murmured, sitting down across from Hitomi and picking up a copy of "Cheer USA".**

"What is up with that skirt…? Those colors are **NOT** complementary…" She muttered as everyone gave her a patronizing look.

'Former cheerleader…' Refina mouthed as everyone nodded, still sweatdropping slightly, that explained a lot.

"Oh Refi-poo!" Viole walked over joyously towards "his girl".

"Refi-poo?" She muttered in humiliation.

"My dad called me that when I was five…"

"The good names never die Refi-Wefi!" He grinned as she slumped to the floor in defeat.

"Like leave her like alone!" Verona demanded.

"Oh no… She's reverting back into cheerleader form…" Refina murmured in horror, eyes widening.

"Like I like suddenly like have like the urge like to like build like a like pyramid!" Verona clapped her hands happily, grabbing recruits to help her.

"She's got the urge to herbal…!" Allen sang as Hitomi whapped him over the head.

"That stuff ruined my pretty hair. Wouldn't ya know it used to be black?"

"Weird…" Naria murmured as Eriya ranted about how disgraceful it was that Elijah Wood was featured next to Orlando Bloom in YM.

"THE SHAME OF IT! THE HAIRY-FOOTED SHORTY NEXT TO THE DIVINE LEGO! INJUSTICE I SAY!" Eriya shrieked.

"Oh Viole-euh…-poo…" Refina shuddered at such a stupid nickname.

"You're up!"

"Thanks Reffy-Weffy!" He beamed, not noticing her make a gagging motion.

"Someone shoot me now…" Refina muttered hopelessly.

"HIYA!" Gatty and Chesta ran back in.

"That was quick…" Hitomi observed.

"Well after we crashed Dilandau-sama's guymelef a few dozen times, we realized we should get a new one so we traded it in!" They pointed out the window to where a pink and purple flying scooter hovered.

"Lemme get this straight…" Folken stood up, walking in circles around the two.

"You barge in here five minutes after going on a mall rendezvous in your commander's guymelef to tell me that you traded it in for a scooter…?!" He asked, trying not to strangle them.

"Nope… Wait… Yep… That's about right…" Gatty nodded.

"Do you realize how **ANGRY** he's going to be…?" Folken asked, trying to keep his cool.

"A bit…?" Chesta asked hopelessly.

"Try a lot…" Van commented.

"You should have stayed dead when I killed you, pixie boys…"

"Now, Now Van… If all the people you killed stayed dead there'd be almost no characters in this fic…" Hitomi reminded him.

"May I once again thank the author for reviving us?" Chesta beamed.

"Yes." The author beamed, handing him a green donut and patting him on the head.

"She likes **ME." Chesta commented as everyone shot envious looks at him.**

"He's got the whole Chid-complex going on…" Hitomi commented.

"If you wish hard enough, your wishes will come true… Feh… Gimme a break…" She snorted as Van shook his head at the annoying lines they had been forced to say.

"You know what's sucked about this whole chapter?" Dryden walked in just then.

"That Allen hasn't been bashed much?" Hitomi asked.

"That I haven't gotten to toast anyone except my soon-to-be fried pixie slayers?" Dilly murmured, lighting his flame-thrower as Chesta and Gatty gulped nervously.

"That my new moisturizer makes my face all poofy?" Millerna asked indignantly studying her reflection.

"The fact that Millerna doesn't realize that her face has ALWAYS been poofy?" Allen grumbled as Millerna threw her mirror at his head.

"That I haven't gotten to kill anything the whole chapter?" Van muttered in annoyance.

"NO YOU IDIOTS! EVERYONE FORGOT ABOUT ME!" Dryden whined.

"Well, you're pretty forgettable." Millerna commented.

"Unless you have presents!" She added eagerly.

"'Fraid not." Dryden murmured.

"Well then, you can go eat a celery stick for all I care!" Millerna replied disgruntled.

"So unloved…" Dryden sniffed.

"Well, that's all we have time for today!" The author ended.

"NOW HOLD ON! WHAT ABOUT MY PROBLEMS?!" Viole interjected furiously.

"You have way too many!" The author excused herself quickly.

"Now, scroll to the bottom of the page and review!" The author beamed.

"I thought you said you were gonna say what the next one was going to be…" Hitomi arched an eyebrow quizzically.

"I lied!" The author beamed again as everyone sweatdroppped.

"Allons-y!" She shrieked, leading the relieved characters out of the office. 

"That's French, y'know." The nurse commented to the receptionist who just shook her head, trying to rid herself of all of the weird patients.  
  


"And although I was only nine at the time I was the disco king…" The doctor babbled on.  
  


"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Dalet shrieked.

"Did you hear something?" Verona asked absently.

"Nope. Probably the wind." Van replied as they headed back to the Vione, leaving Dalet to his unfortunate fate.

A/N: Yeah… Well, the Psychiatrics ward is over… I have some amusing ideas for the next one… But if I don't get any reviews I'll probably just end it here… I have about three or four series ideas left… They'll be interesting… * Cackles evilly * Anyways, Review! Arigatou and Sayonara! ^_^

~Crystal Twilight~


End file.
